Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Comedy Bit

Thanks Vic!!

FW: Real 911 Calls, believe it or not (don't care if they're real, they're funny....)

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich. Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1Fire or emergency?
Caller: Fire, I guess.
Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?
Caller: I was wondering.....does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their trucks?
Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?
Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and... well, do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and help me?
Dispatcher: Help you what?
Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine elevenbut my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller:My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn..I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No.
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.


  • At 6/27/2006 07:32:00 PM, Blogger saby said…

    i kissed dat crabby old man
    we are friends now

    the poor Vest had never been kissed before

  • At 6/27/2006 07:40:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Saby, Glad you two are friends now!! This is progress!!

  • At 6/27/2006 09:28:00 PM, Blogger Aggie said…

    Not emergency calls, EXACTLY, but here's one I posted ages ago on my Blog, repeated for you.

    Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

    A. You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

    Or maybe that IS an emergency call - Tee Hee Hee! Tee Hee Hee Hee!

  • At 6/27/2006 10:30:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Aggs, wouldn't that depend on whether you're the one under or over the pillow (ROFLMAO!!!!)


    D*mn must be getting oldtimers', can't remember the other jokes that go with that pillow one (argh!)

  • At 6/27/2006 11:10:00 PM, Blogger Chris said…

    Aggs, you better be nice to that woman in the office, if you are going to tell jokes like that! :)

  • At 6/28/2006 07:52:00 AM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Chris, can't see why myself....

  • At 6/28/2006 02:32:00 PM, Blogger Aggie said…

    Chris: I'd apply the pillow equally to the AC/DC lady at the office, except BEFORE anything happened. At least the blokes MAY get lucky first. lol

  • At 6/29/2006 10:51:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Aggs, they sure wouldn't after, huh?


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