Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

We All Need Laugh (Love), I Swear It's True

How's that for shameless perversion of song lyrics?

Here we go with more funnies. I desperately need to laugh and am catching up with e mail stuff. Since Yahell will only let me send out so many jokes an hour and I don't have the patience to do gmail at the moment, you folks get to read them here first.

Might have done this one here before but may be worth a repeat....


> In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the
> earth and populated
> the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach,
> green and yellow and
> red vegetables of all kinds,
> so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
> Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and
> Jerry's Ice Cream
> and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
> And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as
> you're at it, add
> some sprinkles."
> And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
> And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might
> keep the figure
> that Man found so fair.
> And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat,
> and sugar from the
> cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 18.
> So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."
> And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery
> croutons and
> garlic toast on the side.
> And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the
> repast.
> God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy
> vegetables and olive oil
> in which to cook them."
> And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
> chicken-fried steak so big
> it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight
> and his
> cholesterol went through the roof.
> God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it
> "Angel Food Cake,"
> and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate
> cake and named it
> "Devil's Food."
> God then brought forth running shoes so that His
> children might lose
> those extra pounds.
> And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man
> would not have to
> toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed
> and cried before
> the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
> Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in
> fat and brimming
> with nutrition.
> And Satan peeled off the healthful skin & sliced the
> starchy center into
> chips and deep *fried them. And Man gained pounds.
> God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume
> fewer calories and
> still satisfy his appetite.
> And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double
> cheeseburger and
> said,
> "You want fries with that?"
> And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!"
> And Satan said, "It is good."
> And Man went into cardiac arrest.
>
> God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
> Then Satan created HMOs.
> Thought for the day . . . There is more money being
> spent on breast
> implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's
> research.
> This means that by 2020, there should be a large
> elderly population with
> perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no
> recollection of what to
> do with them.
> If you don't send this to five old friends right away
> there will be five
> fewer people laughing in the world

heh heh heh

Happy Sunday, world.

Love ya, Bridg

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