Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

YEA Aretha!! Originally thought of Off My Cloud as a title but really don't care for the Stones(d).

Saw my shrink today. Also got a world of stuff done and it's all good at the office but the real treat was the good doc.

First, she made me read that crap out loud. Her take on them was really funny and a HUGE relief:

1-Someone has anger issues and it isn't me.
2-That kind of hostility takes years and years to build up. It has very little to do with the
immediate circumstances. And whatever it is, it isn't my problem. It's theirs.
3-Here's the good part--I knew that (used to have no boundaries, so this is really good).
4-She thought that I should show that stuff to a lawyer. I said nahhhh, I am not seeing these
people, ever/for a long long time. She thinks that is a great idea (not seeing them).
5-I asked if I have that caretaker burnout stuff. She said probably.
6-Mentioned that bit about M, GI and I being strong, good people and somehow have noticed
that this can create hostile reactions in insecure people (Mr. B for example, or Cain and Able if
you want to get biblical. She nodded vigorously). Don't know why this is, it just is. Don't care
either.

Also said that if Mom died tomorrow (knocking wood) that I would not go to the funeral. We are a very small family, just us siblings (and Aunt L/Uncle J). Funerals are for the living, and would not give a rat's *ss about who I'd see there so why go? Asked if that was horrible/hard/bad of me. She said no, under the circumstances it was natural. I don't want anything of Mom but her love and already have that, and she has mine and she knows it.

Won't desert her, still talk to her on the phone, will continue what we do now, just not when THEY are around (heh heh heh as if that's a lot). Very simple.

My meds are fine. It's odd that The Other One accused me of being nuts/unstable, when both she and the Boy Wonder have lost or almost lost jobs over the years because of the hostile ways that they treat people. My staff and managers love me. Remarkable. Sometimes when working with very powerful people, there's a tendency to over-identify with them (becoming overbearing, overagressive, feeling omniscient/omnipotent, etc.) and then there's the whole fear thing...oh man I could analyze this forever. But there is no point in doing that because I have been trying to be nice to and jolly up these angry bees up for years. And officially gave up on that last night forever.

This is boundary talk and am so very pleased that my doctor agrees that I'm doing the right thing. So does Dr. GI, my oldest pal Jer, my wise pal Pauly (these people would tell me if I'm full of it, they are not PC and have done so in the past. And even if THAT failed, there is NO way the doc would be gentle with me).

Do any of you remember the rock opera Tommy? "I'm Free" is thundering in my head. I.am.not.kidding. This is a relief. I love my Mom but won't miss the need to cajole, molify, balance...holy crap what have I been doing all this time?

Maybe the wrong thing after all.

Sorry for the psychoanalytical babble. Will be back to smartassery in no time, folks.

This was the bubble bursting (in a nice way). Bridg is very relieved.....hugs to all!! Well OK except 2 and they're not here!!!

MWAH!

Bridg

8 Comments:

  • At 5/17/2006 07:10:00 PM, Blogger tshsmom said…

    "-Mentioned that bit about M, GI and I being strong, good people and somehow have noticed
    that this can create hostile reactions in insecure people. Don't know why this is, it just is. Don't care
    either."
    I've had the same problem, MANY times, Bridg. I think it's a self-esteem issue. People with little self-esteem belittle good people, to try to make themselves feel stronger.
    Like you, I've dealt with this issue for so long, that I don't care why they do it. Just leave me OUT of that game; I'M DONE PLAYING!

    "But there is no point in doing that because I have been trying to be nice to and jolly up these angry bees up for years. And officially gave up on that last night forever."
    Yup, been there-done that, too! I no longer try to mollify moody or hurtful friends and relatives. I just walk off on that behavior now. If they want to play emotional games, they can play by themselves.
    You're right, this is a freeing experience. The longer you're free, the better you'll feel. Trust me; I've been "free" for several years now!

     
  • At 5/17/2006 08:26:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Tshsmom, your comments made me grin from ear to ear! Thank you so very much. Sorry that you, or any other human being, ever had to put up with this kind of stupidity from another human being but am very grateful and glad for the guidance. The only other thing I can think of to say is WHEW!!!

    Actually had a dream about being chased by bumblebees last night (am terrified of them in real life). Now that is just pathetic. You're right, I'm done playing. Feels good too.

     
  • At 5/17/2006 10:21:00 PM, Blogger tshsmom said…

    I always tell my kids that we'll keep running into the same personality types over and over. It's our job to learn how to deal with each type. There's no point in banging our heads against a wall that won't change.

     
  • At 5/17/2006 10:30:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    tshsmom, you are one smart lady. TY! Someone told me that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.

    Hmmm. Guess I just graduated, huh?

    Lol. Only took 54 years (giggle).

     
  • At 5/17/2006 11:03:00 PM, Blogger tshsmom said…

    It's not that we're stupid; we're just overly optimistic. We expect everybody to be straightforward, like we are. It's disappointing to learn that they're not. :(

     
  • At 5/18/2006 06:49:00 AM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Right again Tshsmom. Sure beats being cynics tho...*big saucy grin*..

     
  • At 5/18/2006 11:19:00 AM, Blogger Jeannie said…

    Wow - I had wanted to comment on your issue a couple days ago but my net was v-e-r-y s-l-o-w and would time out without posting. No clue what was up with that.
    I wondered why your brother has power-of-attorney when he didn't seem to be prompt with taking care of things...
    As for washing your hands of them - good for you. Keep your relationship with your Mom but by-pass the frustration and heartache of the rest. I can't say I understand completely with what you're experiencing - I get along quite well with all my siblings although the same can't really be said between the rest. I think I am each's favourite in fact. Which makes being Mom's least favourite not so bad. (hey maybe there's a corelation between these facts) My friend Jeff had similar if not worse problems than you with his siblings while caring for his mother. Family has the ability to hurt the most while keeping you from easily disengaging to protect yourself. Do what you have to do hon and know that whatever their distorted perceptions of you are - they are not the truth. You are fortunate to have so many around you who support you and let you know who you truly are. On the darkest days, try to remember who you should believe and hold your head up and be strong. When that inevitable day comes (hopefully far in the future) when you do have to say goodbye to your Mom, you will be able to attend the funeral with peace and feel secure enough that their mean-ness will have no effect except to make them look bad.

     
  • At 5/18/2006 09:57:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Thank you Jeannie, that helps a lot. Thank heavens I analyze so much...think that there's a lot of resentment because Mom and I are so close. We always were, mostly because Dad used to (try to) beat her up physically or emotionally and I intervened all the time (physically/emotionally/calling the cops) so she leaned on me a lot. Hey what else could she do, she came from a very sheltered background and this kind of stuff was very foreign to her. The others were pretty young/naieve and I sorta kept them safe too. Sometimes everyone picks on the good guy. That way, it makes the bad stuff that happened look not so bad. Sick but....

    Anyway, I'm done. Up to them to deal with their stuff. To quote my late father out law, they're big enough and ugly enough to do it themselves.

    The last few years have been very hard. On the surface, everything was 'nice' but there was this really awful tension under it. Glad it's finally broken through. Now I can go south or something and have fun/relax. Mom likes to have us all together but it's been killing me for years. And usually it's just us two after an hour or two anyway.

    I've read that regret is the big killer in life. Might have some in the future but not yet.

    As you said, thank God for all the angels, including you guys, that He sent.

    Know why I started this blog in the first place? Mom had a heart attack on Christmas Day, 2005. I was the only person she could reach by phone. Bro would not go see her in the hospital. Too busy running his hot dog stand (OK it's a concession in a small leisure centre in a small suburb of Ottawa), until I gave him hell repeatedly. He said that since I was single, I had less to do and could afford the time to run in and out of her house and the hospital. He was too busy.

    I needed to vent somewhere (or strangle him), so started the blog.

    The guy's just so classy...

    Oh let's not go there. Outa my life, outa my head.

    Bridg

     

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