Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Ladies' Night

Well sort of. Hola world, hope you are well?

Nothing much happened yesterday, and not much today either. LOVIN' IT!

Well, OK did some household chores and if you could see my house you'd cheer at that news. Have a new rhyme around here:

spring is sprung
the grass is riz
why is it MY house
where all the spiders is??

Guess they feel welcome (no I'm not a slob!)?

Tomorrow is the usual grocery run with Mom. Took her on an expedition to get cat food today. She was very absent minded--I handed her her wallet and she left it in the car. OKKKK but today SHE realized that she's in bad shape. This is progress. Love going to PetsMart. All sorts of folks bring in their puppies. On the way out we saw a Grand Pyrenees (big black dog that looks like a Newfoundland or a bear). Goregous thing! All the dogs there are excited and happy. Just LOVE that place.

She'd heard from Little Bro lately. He was complaining about everything from the sounds of it. He is (in case you're joining us late in the program) married to a totally abusive and rather ugly woman who's succeeded in turning his daughter against him. Mother and MIL applaud when daughter badmouths LB. LB was also complaining that none of us would let him move in with us (BTW he is fifty years old and making a damn good buck) because of his (allegedly) former gambling habit. Which he overcame on his own.

We.have.heard.this.before.

Usually right before a gambling binge.

We love LB. His wife and her mother are bitter, nasty, just plain ugly all over folks. That is their prob. Would love it if LB would recover some of his genitals and move the heck out of there before they kill him. But according to LB, he doesn't want to change his lifestyle (Wifey is allegedly loaded, dollar wise. I say who cares, but....). This is a very hard thing to watch. Must be hell on Mom. Who cares if he pays alimony? Beats putting up with what he has now.

Went to a course for relatives of gamblers a year or so ago. The stats on recovery from compulsive behaviours such as addiction to alcohol, gambling, work, sex or shopping (etc.) are very very low if the addict does not get therapy--that means talk therapy and medication. The behaviour part is just the visible part of whatever is wrong. The rest of the iceberg has to do with whatever drove them to that behaviour in the first place--which is why therapy is so essential. LB has had neither, as far as any of us know. Refused to see a doctor or take meds, he knew better. I bet some of you out there have heard this before. Know that I have.

Therapy isn't easy. No one hands you answers, you have to work them out. Dig deep, analyze, and be open in ways that make me (at least) shake my head. But it works. LB doesn't get that. Unfortunately, in many ways he resembles our father, who abused the hell out of him throughout his life. My dime-store analysis is that it's lack of self-esteem caused by that abuse that drove LB to that witch of a wife and into gambling/compulsive behaviours.

Could go on and on but won't. Learning what I can't change has taken me many decades to learn.

Any ideas out there? Short of kidnapping the kid?

Bridg

8 Comments:

  • At 3/31/2006 10:35:00 PM, Blogger DrinkJack said…

    Glad to hear that you are FULLY enjoying your time off. You deserve every single second.

     
  • At 3/31/2006 11:57:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Thanks Jack! Wish these two weeks could go on forever...

     
  • At 4/01/2006 05:10:00 AM, Blogger starbender said…

    The problem with an addiction is that U (or no-one 4 that matter) can NOT get them help. THEY have 2 want it. That is how we become co-dependent! We care more about them than they do themselves. It is a vicious circle. Best of luck with all of this, and enjoy u'r time off.
    :)

     
  • At 4/01/2006 07:24:00 AM, Blogger Jeannie said…

    yes to what starbender says. All you can do is love him and be there emotionally for him - after all, you know at least some of what he's had to deal with. If you are comfortable talking about it, bring up the issues he hasn't dealt with to get the ball rolling and perhaps he will begin to see and want to deal with things instead of just escape temporarily. But set your limits and stick to them. Be forgiving but don't let him use you. All the best - I doubt it will be easy - men aren't known for being introspective esp at fifty....

     
  • At 4/01/2006 10:09:00 AM, Blogger tshsmom said…

    Therapy would help LB to conquer his demons. Family therapy is the only thing that would permanently fix his situation. Something tells me that his evil wifey would NEVER cooperate with family therapy. :(
    Leaving her and getting therapy on his own, sounds like the ONLY solution.

     
  • At 4/01/2006 05:11:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Thanks, Starbender, Jeannie and Tshsmom. You all are right of course. It's just frustrating/hard, but then no one said life's easy all the time!!

    I appreciate your very wise counsel more than words can say...

     
  • At 4/01/2006 05:14:00 PM, Blogger tshsmom said…

    SOME of the time would be nice! ;)

     
  • At 4/01/2006 06:54:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Tshsmom, ROFL.

     

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