Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Happy Birthday, Little Bro (Rick)

I have two brothers, world. Both younger--I'm the oldest of the crew. Rick and I grew up as a 'soul' pair. Same personalities, etc. Rick was/is brilliant. Could easily have been into math/space work--these were predictions from his teachers in grade school. He did math two years ahead of where he was chronologically in school.

When we moved to Canada, my father flipped. Decided that he was in a 'man's country' and could do whatever he wanted to do. Claimed that poor Rick wasn't his kid (he is) and picked on him unmercifully. Mom used to find rosary beads in his bed. I was more or less the protector and interjected myself physically when things got out of hand involving anyone and Dad.

Somewhat predictably, both bros got into drugs. Rick a lot more seriously than Big Bro. But eventually they both grew out of it, thank God. Were arrested for breaking into cars, heaven knows why. At one point, both of them were thrown out of the house (Dad loved that drama) for minor things (and let back in usually). This was in pre-Paul Bernardo days, thank heavens. One year Rick was thrown out on his birthday, December 27. Two days after Christmas. What a guy, huh?

Rick is a tall, blue eyed, strapping guy who the ladies just love. Actually not just the ladies. Everyone but his Dad and later his wife, loves Rick. And no wonder. One girl that Rick was dating wanted boots for Christmas. Rick went without food to get them for her (just learned this months ago). Being a caring, loving, up and cute guy, he always had friends around who loved him. The girls he dated were really something too. Smart, pretty.

So who did he marry? A very troubled not so nice girl from Montreal whose twin brother had been murdered in Africa, in a country that didn't even have a Canadian embassy. The rest of her family (mom, dad now dead) and S used to plan how they'd kill themselves and this talk went on for months. Their big thing in life was that they'd saved $800K. Money was a huge deal to these guys. Bitter and angry as all three of these folks were, I think Rick married S to get her out of that toxic household.

But it was too late. The poison's in her veins, and whenever she gets together with her mother, it's so bad (the evil, the anger, the venom) that no human should be exposed to it. The kids who Rick worships (they have 2) now make fun of him and don't want him around. S wanted more money (of course), got Rick into gambling, and he developed a habit. She didn't like that--DUH who would. We his family had an intervention, got him some help, and it seems to be working. They've been together at least 16 years. Far too long.

What in effect happened is that Rick went from an abusive father to an abusive wife. The wife is far more full of vitriol than our late father.

But Rick likes the high lifestyle that he has with S and the kids who mock him. This part I don't get, it isn't like Rick. Think he doesn't want to lose what little connection he has with the kids, and I am positive that S would hurt his son if she could (yes I"ve called Children's Aid on her). So he's sticking it out for now. At one point S tried to stab him (Rick). The police have been there to their house more often than I can remember. MIL is there a lot, drinking, which brings out her charming side (being pretty sarcastic here). The police made them promise to get counselling, which S refused to go to. At one police visit, she was acting so nutty that they locked HER up in jail overnight. She used to call my 77 year old mother at 5 a.m. to tell her that Rick had just gotten home (gambling) before the gambling was under control. For a while, I blocked their phone number so that they couldn't do it again. Then left a message saying that if they ever did that again, I'd charge them with harassment (for starters). That ended the abusive phone calls. This.woman.is.nuts.

We aren't allowed to see him or the kids. I worry constantly for his safety and know that my other siblings, and my nephews, miss and think about him too. Especially at holidays. S makes sure that they're out of the country for birthdays, etc., which she hates celebrating (Christmas, Halloween--they're all about spending money according to this gem). It really tears at my mom's heart. Mine too. No one deserves this, but it's what abusers do--isolate their victims. Rick also worries about his safety. Tells us when they're going to Montreal, and assures us that he isn't suicidal. Can you imagine what this is doing to my mother?

Rick, wherever you are, please know that your family loves you and always will. No matter how infrequent the contact, we are your family and we love you. Hell has a special place in it reserved for that woman and her mother. Heaven has a special one reserved for you. Don't worry, Little Bro. We're here for you no matter what.

No one deserves this treatment, Little Bro. Get the hell out of there as fast as you can. Give US a present on your birthday.

We miss you so much.

Happy Birthday, Rick. Love and kisses, Big Sis


  • At 12/28/2005 02:58:00 AM, Blogger Wandering Coyote said…

    Nice post. I am the eldest of three, with two younger brother's too.

    I wish your brother all the best. I'm sure he has your inner strength. He may just need your help in finding it.

  • At 12/28/2005 08:53:00 AM, Blogger flea said…

    oh bridg! i send warm hugs your way :0)

    I hope your brother takes the steps to lead him to a happier healither life. it must be hard for you to sit back and watch all this occur though, be patient and be there for him, that's what he needs the most from you

  • At 12/28/2005 11:44:00 AM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    WC thanks so much. I hope he does have strength--don't know how else he could cope.

    flea, thanks for the hugs! I'm hoping he takes those steps too and you're right, waiting is so hard.

  • At 12/28/2005 12:38:00 PM, Blogger Casually Me said…

    Therein lies a novel....

  • At 12/28/2005 04:13:00 PM, Blogger Lisa said…

    Hi, just stopped by from Grumpy's blog and read your post.
    I empathize. I have a sister that breaks my heart. Watching someone you love self destruct and knowing there is NOTHING you can truly do to help is tormenting. My heart goes out to you and your family.

    Hope is the fragile thread we cling to in midst of blinding reality. Hang on tightly.


  • At 12/28/2005 04:53:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Thanks so much for the understanding words, Lisa. It is real torture, you're right. Hope that all turns out well for your sister also (and of course you!).

    CM, hear you re novel. Unfortunately, I don't think it's a unique story, except that in this case it's the MAN who's being abused.


  • At 12/28/2005 05:49:00 PM, Blogger tshsmom said…

    The biggest tragedy in this whole mess is that his kids will grow up to be abusers or victims too.
    I pray that he has the strength to take the kids and get the hell out before it's too late!

  • At 12/28/2005 06:05:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Tshsmom, OH am so with you there. Have been (sort of) joking for years about the psychiatric bills that will be involved...

  • At 12/28/2005 10:09:00 PM, Blogger tshsmom said…

    Sounds like they could use some counseling NOW, but if their Mom doesn't believe in it, there's not much hope. :(

  • At 12/28/2005 11:05:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    tshsmom, their mom thinks that she is perfect, her mom and kids are perfectly normal, it's our family that's nuts.

    No matter how many police visits they get, no matter how many times her mom goes on drunken rampages...they're the normal ones.

    Maybe in some universe...

    But with Rick as a father--they've got his genes and they're pretty damn smart ones. I'm thinking those kids will find their own way to their family (the non homicidal ones) as soon as they're able. Plus to qualified help. Am hoping...


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