Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

12 Days of Christmas

Bob and Doug McKenzie's 12 Days of Christmas
courtesy of: http://www.execulink.com/~bobnet/hoser/12days.html
Bob
Okay, good day, this is our Christmas part of the album, and you can play this at your Christmas parties, uh, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's nothing else to do.
Doug
Good day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part!
Bob
Oh, I guarantee ya, you'd be on. Okay, so, good day, this is the Christmas part, and, we're gonna tell you what to get, uh, your true love for Christmas.
Doug
Look out the window!
Bob
Where?! Whadda ya doing?
Doug
Snow, hosehead.
Bob
Wha? Oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing, cause it's Christmas time. Hey, hoser!
Doug
What?
Bob
Here's a quiz. Quiz for Doug.
Doug
Okay, I have my thinking touque on.
Bob
Yeah, right. What are the twelve days of Christmas? Cause, figure it out, right. Christmas is when?
Doug
Uh, the 25th.
Bob
Right, and what's the 24th, Christmas Eve, right? So, that's two. And then, what's after that?
Doug
Um... Uh, Wrestling Day.
Bob
No. Get out.
Doug
Boxing Day, yeah, yeah.
Bob
That's three. Then what's after that? Nothing.
Doug
New Year's.
Bob
Four. And what's...
Doug
New Year's Eve.
Bob
Five. Where do you get twelve?
Doug
Uh... There's two Saturdays and Sundays in there, that's four. That's nine. And, three other days, which I believe are the mystery days.
(Music starts.)
Bob
Okay now. This is our Christmas song, in case you don't know what to get somebody for Christmas.
Doug
There's lots of ideas in here, so, listen, and don't get stuck.
Bob
Okay.
Doug
By the way, that's me on the organ.
Bob
Aw, geez.
Doug
You start.
Bob
Okay. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a beer.
Doug
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: two turtlenecks,
Bob
And a beer. (Okay...) On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French toast,
Doug
Two turtlenecks,
Bob
And a beer. (Okay...)
Doug
There should be more there, eh?
Bob
Where? On the... go.
Doug
Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: four pounds of backbacon,
Bob
Three French toast,
Doug
Two turtlenecks,
Bob
And a beer.
Doug
In a tree. See, you need more.
Bob
Fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: five golden touques!
Doug
Four pounds of backbacon,
Bob
Three French toast,
Doug
Two turtlenecks,
Bob
And a beer, what was it?
Together
In a tree!
Bob
Okay, on the sixth... go.
Doug
Of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six packs of two-four,
Bob & BG Singers
Five golden touques!
Doug
Four pounds of backbacon,
Bob
Three French toast,
Doug
Two turtlenecks,
Bob
And a beer,
Together
In a tree!
Bob
Okay.
Doug
Okay.
Bob
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: seven packs of smokes,
Doug
(Nice gift...) Oh, six packs of two-four! (BG Singers also sing "nice gift".)
Bob & BG Singers
Five golden touques!
Doug
Four pounds of backbacon,
Bob
Three French toast,
Doug
Two turtlenecks,
Bob
And a beer,
Together
In a tree!
Bob
Right, I keep forgetting.
Doug
Phew! This should just be the two days of Christmas, it's too hard for us!
Bob
Um...
Doug
Go, hoser.
Bob
Oh.
Together
Eigth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Doug
Eight comic books,
All
Seven packs of smokes, six packs of two-four,
(Bob and Doug become unsynchronized with the BG Singers, and quit singing.)
BG Singers
Five golden touques! Four pounds of backbacon, three French toast, two turtlenecks,
All
And a beer,
Doug
On my tree!
Bob
Yeah. That beer's empty. Okay. Day,
BG Singers
Twelve!
Bob
Uh, twelve.
Doug
Good day, and welcome to day twelve.
BG Singers
Five golden touques!
All
Four pounds of backbacon, three French toast, two turtlenecks, and a beer, in a tree!
Bob
Beauty, eh?
Doug
Where'd you learn to do that?
Bob
Uh, albums.
Doug
Boy. So, like, that's our song, Merry Christmas...
Bob
Merry Christmas!
Doug
And good day!
Bob
Good day, everybody. Happy New Year, too. Sheesh. Okay, you know what you left out?
Doug
What?
Bob
Donuts - I told you to get me donuts! Either on the ninth day or the tenth day, or the eleventh day, I wanted donuts!
Doug
Okay, the song's over.
Bob
But I want...
Doug
Merry Christmas, everybody!
Bob
Or on the twelfth day, you coulda got me a dozen donuts.
Doug
So, go out to the stores, and get some presents.
Bob
You coulda gone down to, like, the good donut shop, where if you buy a dozen, you get another one free, and then thirteen for the thirteen days of Christmas.
Doug
Well, next Christmas, I'll get me a chainsaw...
Bob
Take off!
Doug
Boy, that song was a beauty. It moved me...
Bob
Yeah, I think it ranks up there with Stairway to Heaven...
Doug
Wha-?
(Music fades.)

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