Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Zen Sarcasm

Thanks Zel!!

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.> >> >
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and tire.> >> >
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.> >> >
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.> >> >
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.> >> >
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.> >> >
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.> >> >
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.> >> >
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.> >> >
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.> >> >
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.> >> >
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.> >> >
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.> >> >
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.> >> >
15. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that> >> >
16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.> >> >
17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.> >> >
18. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.> >>
19. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.> >> >
20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.> >> >
21. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.> >> >
22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.> >> >
23. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and alaxative on the same night> >


  • At 10/15/2005 03:24:00 PM, Blogger lime said…

    funny list. the duct tape one is truer than youmight think. at least in my world!

  • At 10/15/2005 04:39:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Thanks lime, and welcome! I bet 23 is true too lol....

  • At 10/15/2005 06:01:00 PM, Blogger snavy said…

    LOL!! Great stuff, as usual!

  • At 10/15/2005 09:04:00 PM, Blogger DrinkJack said…

    Loved these too! I do like #22.

  • At 10/15/2005 09:41:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Thanks Snavyln and DMJ--feel free to pass on...

  • At 10/15/2005 09:41:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Thanks Snavyln and DMJ--feel free to pass on...

  • At 10/16/2005 08:28:00 AM, Blogger tshsmom said…

    You forgot this one, it goes something like this: "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's true. If not, hunt it down and kill it!"

    I actually met a group of MALE fishermen this summer that didn't have any duct tape with them. They wanted to borrow some string to tie their broken cooler lid shut. I gave them duct tape. These were not REAL men! My husband has a roll of duct tape stashed in each of our vehicles and TWO in our camper.

  • At 10/16/2005 06:11:00 PM, Blogger The Zombieslayer said…

    Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

    Heh, got a chuckle out of both the Mrs. and me. I heard a lot of them, like a journey of a thousand miles.

    I love your site. It's always at least worth a chuckle, and you've had me laughing uncontrollably too. You, Bsoholic, and Thom are hilarious.

  • At 10/16/2005 07:51:00 PM, Blogger Wandering Coyote said…

    I love #18, too. Very Red Green!

  • At 10/16/2005 09:42:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    tshsmom, you are kidding, right??? A pal of mine went to the Ukraine (his homeland) a few years ago. Said that whoever has hold of the duct tape market is a billionaire.

    ZS I am so glad you like it here! Love your site too and your comments are always funny and gracious. And the company you put me in is a real honour!!
    Thanks so very much!

    I liked 18 too, WC!!

  • At 10/16/2005 10:41:00 PM, Blogger Sagepaper said…

    Just dropped by. I like lurking on your site. You post some really cool stuff!

  • At 10/17/2005 12:22:00 PM, Blogger Mel said…

    Also: Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

    And: The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.


  • At 10/17/2005 02:57:00 PM, Blogger tshsmom said…

    Mel, the stupidity quote is my all-time fav!! I use it at least once every day, but then I'm a waittress and you can imagine the stupidity I have access to. ;)

  • At 10/17/2005 06:18:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Tshshmom and Mel, well GMTA! I just taught my New Boss that one (never underestimate....). Am working on getting him onto Maxine (Stupid should HURT!). Tee hee hee.

    Thanks Sagepaper, glad to have you here! I have some wonderfully wicked pals/joke suppliers, huh?



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