Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

It's Me!

ONE LINERS
1...Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
#2...Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is no money in the account?#3...Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
#4...Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
#5...Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
#6...Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
#7...Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when youthrow a revolver at him?
#8...Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
#9...Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
#10..If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
#11..Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use thebubbles are always white?
#12..Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
#13..Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopesthat something new to eat will have materialized?
#14..Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put itdown to give the vacuum one more chance?
#15..Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
#16..How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
#17..When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with ashopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
#18..Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that'sfalling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
#19..In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
#20..How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
#21..If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try it like your wife told you to do it?
#23 ..The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons issuffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

2 Comments:

  • At 10/13/2005 08:39:00 PM, Blogger The Zombieslayer said…

    #16..How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

    Those were all good, but this one, I've wondered about the most.

    Oh, and I'm also guilty of doing that vacuum cleaner thingie with the string.

     
  • At 10/14/2005 12:59:00 AM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Me too Zombie. When they're in light fixtures is one thing, but the bulb?

    That Tarzan beard thing used to bother me when I was a little kid...i.e. last week...

     

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