Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Tears of a Clown

More from my favorite lady-Maxine.

*Martha's Way* Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. *Maxine's Way * Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! Youare probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

*Martha's Way* To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes. Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year. When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
*Maxine's Way*Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

*Martha's Way* If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
*Maxine's Way* If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don'tcare how bad it tastes!"

*Martha's Way*Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. *Maxine's Way* Celery? Never heard of it!

*Martha's Way* Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield abeautiful glossy finish. *Maxine's Way* The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites overthe crust so I don't.

*Martha's Way* Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead.The throbbing will go away.
*Maxine's Way* Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

*Martha's Way* If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
*Maxine's Way* Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

*Martha's Way* Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
*Maxine's Way* Leftover wine??????????? HELLO !!!!!!!
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same sizebucket.

D o you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.

Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.


  • At 9/14/2005 09:39:00 PM, Blogger DrinkJack said…

    Here is to the proper use of limes :)

  • At 9/14/2005 10:37:00 PM, Blogger bsoholic said…

    "Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?" - That does seem kinda weird, saggy tattoos everywere!

    Money can't buy happiness they say... Well I'd like to be the judge of that, everyone send me your unwanted unhappy money!!! ;)

  • At 9/15/2005 01:37:00 AM, Blogger jipzeecab said…

    Funny stuff..I'm ending my day with a good laugh..thank you!

  • At 9/15/2005 01:40:00 AM, Blogger mackeydoodle said…

    What is going to be even funnier is the olad women in 40 years with all those breast implants!!!!LOL!! All these saggy old gals & their perky boobs!!!!

  • At 9/15/2005 10:16:00 AM, Blogger Niccio Dartsmouth said…

    rofl.. you have done it yet again, *tries to get the Diet Mt. Dew out of his sinuses.*

  • At 9/15/2005 11:51:00 AM, Blogger Storm said…

    I'm with Maxine all the way! LOL!!!

  • At 9/15/2005 12:48:00 PM, Blogger Mel said…

    I love the cure for headaches... but then again, it seems like tequila is my REASON for headaches as well...

    Oh yeah, and left over wine? Ha!

  • At 9/15/2005 06:36:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    DMJ and Mel--Totally agree that there is a place and time for limes and tequila. Any time, my place

    Hey bs Wondered about that too. Good thing Viagra's been invented...

    Jipzee, Storm and Niccio-- Very welcome!!! HOpe your sinuses are OK Niccio??


  • At 9/15/2005 06:37:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    p.s. welcome mackeydoodle!!!!


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