Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Redneck Manners

Vic, not sure I wanted to know this...stuff...

IN GENERAL>>>
1. Never take a beer to an interview.>>>
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.>>>
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.>>>
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.>>>
5. Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-haul to the funeral.>>>>>>

DINING OUT>>>
1. When decanting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup & pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.>>>
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.>>>>>>

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME>>>
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.>>>
2. Do not ! allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.>>>>>>

PERSONAL HYGIENE>>>
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in>>>private using one's own truck keys.>>>
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.>>>
3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
4.>>>Dirt & grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to>>>distract from a woman's jewelry, & alter the taste of finger foods.>>>>>>

DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)>>>
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.>>>
2. Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago.">>>
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday," If the latter is the answer, it>>>is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.>>>>>>

MOVIE THEATER ETIQUETTE>>>
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby & picked up immediately after the movie has ended.>>
2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have proven that they can't hear you.>>>>>>

WEDDINGS>>>
1. Livestock, usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.>>>
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.>>>
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund & a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.>>>
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks & shoes for this special>>>occasion.>>>>>>

DRIVING ETIQUETTE>>>
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded & the deer is in sight.>>>
2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.>>>
3. Never tow another car using panty hose & duct tape.>>>
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession

3 Comments:

  • At 9/02/2005 06:29:00 PM, Blogger nutty said…

    LOL! The dating ones are funny. I always make the man bait my hook!

     
  • At 9/02/2005 10:09:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Undies you are a really good sport going fishing on a date.

    Me, the only fish I'm catching would have to jump up on shore, filet themselves, etc....

    Nah on second thought, they'd have to jump right out of the water into a restaurant...Bridg

     
  • At 9/03/2005 04:02:00 PM, Blogger Rhiannon said…

    Gosh Bridg, I didn't know you were visiting in my town this week! You should have dropped by to say hi before you left! ...Lol..;o)

    Rhi

     

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