Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Friday, September 09, 2005

The Joker Went Wild

Thanks, I think, Vic....

Football FINALLY makes sense..........

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

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> The guy says, 'Wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc?"> Doc says, "Well, it's your penis, it's about a foot long and all the> downward pressure is putting a strain on your vocal cords." Guy says,> "Wwwhat cccan we dddo?" Doc says, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a> shorter one." Guy says, "Dddo it!"> The guy has the operation and three weeks later, he comes back into> the doctor's office and says, "Doc, you solved the problem and I don't> stutter anymore, but I've only had sex once in the past three weeks.> My wife doesn't like it anymore. She liked it with my long one.> I don't care if I have to stutter, just put it back on!">> The Doc says, "Nnnnope. A ddddeal's a dddeal!
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This happened in a little town in Newfoundland, and even though it
>>sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's absolutely true. This
>>guy was on the>>>>side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark
night in the middle of >>a>>terrible rainstorm, and no cars were
on the road. The storm was so>>strong the guy could hardly see
a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, >>he saw a car>>>>come toward
him and stop.The guy, without thinking about it, got in >>the
>>car and closed the door and only then did he realize that there was
>>nobody behind the wheel! The cars started to move very slowly.
The >>guy looked>>at the road and saw a curve coming his way.

Petrified, he started to >>pray,>>begging for his life. He had not
come out of shock when, just >>before the>>car hit the curve,
a hand suddenly appeared through the window and >>moved the
>>>>steering wheel.The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watched
how the >>hand appeared every time the car was approaching a
>>curve.

Finally, although terrified, the guy managed to open the >>door
>>and jump out of the spooky car. Without looking back, the guy ran
>>through>>the storm all the way to the nearest town. Soaking wet,
exhausted >>and in a>>state of utter shock, the pale, visibly shaken
guy, walked into a>>nearby bar and asked for two shots of Screech.

Then, still trembling >>with>>>>fright, he started telling everybody
in the bar about the horrible >>experience he just went through with
the spooky car with no driver >>and>>the mysterious>>hand that
kept appearing. Everyone in the bar listened in silence >>and>>
became frightened, listening to this eerie story, hairs stood on >>
end when they realized the guy was telling the truth because he was
>>crying and he definitely was not drunk!About half an hour later two
>>guys walked into>>the same bar and one said to the other,
"Look, me son, there's the arsehole who got into the car while we were pushing it!"

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