Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Real Love

Yay Michael McDonald, boo insomnia! Here is some humor from George:

An elderly couple, Bob and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Texas. Bob always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife: "Notice anything different about me?" Bessie looks him over, "Nope." Frustrated, Bob storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" Bessie looks up and says, "Bob, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow." Furious, Bob yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW COWBOY BOOTS!" To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bob. Shoulda bought a hat."

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A trucker came into a truck stop café and placed his order. He said," I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is? an auto parts store?""No," the cook said, "Three flat tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.""Oh OK", said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie?" The waitress replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
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and from humormeister Peter: BUMPER STICKERS!!

Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer. ~
Horn Broken... Watch For Finger. ~
The Earth Is Full - Go Home. ~
I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time. ~
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult. ~~
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Illiterate? Write For Help.
Honk If Anything Falls Off. ~
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
He Who Hesitates Not Only Is Lost, But is Miles From The Next Exit.
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person. ~
You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep) If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...
Stop Lights Timed For 35 mphAlso Are Timed For 70 mph~
Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge ~
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
Ax Me About Ebonics.
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
Boldly Going Nowhere.
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
Heart Attacks: God's RevengeFor Eating His Animal Friends
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
And Lastly:"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON

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