Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Ms Laughsalot

Here's a cute story from Dr. Vic:

A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names - Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?"
> His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of
> our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.

> For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake. Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people. It's very simple and easy to understand. Do you have any other questions, Two Dogs Fucking?

************
And another one from Chet:

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Kentucky arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.She said, "I hope y'all don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed
..."YES! YES! I WON, I WON!

"She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded.Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?

"The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching.

"Moral -Not all Kentuckians are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men

****************
OK should call it quits there but this one is so good, have to include it..(Adrian, swallow your beer now...)
Subject: oops Also from Dr. Vic...

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years inthe parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregationwas chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner.

He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited."I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession Iheard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. Thevery first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen atelevision set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it.

He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, hadan affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD tohis sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my
people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parishfull of good and loving people.".....

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full ofapologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentationand gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priestarrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being thefirst one to go to him in confession."

Moral: DON'T EVER BE LATE.

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