Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Laugh Lines

Thank you Peter!!

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.
#15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
#14. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
#11. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
#9. "Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."
#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5. "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
#4. "Just how big were those two beers?"
#3. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#2. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
And.................... THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!#
1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."


  • At 8/16/2005 05:44:00 PM, Blogger Storm said…

    #8 is too good. I love that one! LOL

  • At 8/16/2005 05:52:00 PM, Blogger Justice said…

    I love them all.

  • At 8/16/2005 08:20:00 PM, Blogger tshsmom said…

    #14 is a GOOD threat. I'll be using this one in the future!

  • At 8/16/2005 09:23:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Hi folks! I agree that they're all great, but think tshsmom said it best--# 14 is such a good threat....lol!


  • At 8/17/2005 12:34:00 PM, Blogger callmemickey said…

    i love number one, its great. the whole list is funny.

    and thanks for the birthday wishes.

  • At 8/17/2005 02:34:00 PM, Blogger bsoholic said…

    All very funny!

  • At 8/17/2005 06:23:00 PM, Blogger Thomcat said…

    A Seattle police officer pulled a lady over for doing 5 mph over the speed limit ... He walked slowly over to the window and asked for license and registration. She handed them over.
    "Do you know why I pulled you over , ma'am?" he asked.
    She replied,"No, I don't. I just figured that you Seattle cops were doing a fund raiser for a police department ball."
    The cop was a little miffed at her attitude. " Seattl cops don't have balls, ma'am."
    He then stopped what he was doing.
    She smiled at him.
    "Have a nice day, ma'am."

  • At 8/17/2005 06:24:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Hey birthdayguy (callmemicky)! You're right the first one is good. And so handy in several situations ;)

    Thanks bsoholic!! Feel free to use/spread....



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