Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Keep The Fire (Bright)

Fresh from Tshsmom, these are hilarious......


CHINESE PROVERBS

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in front of car get tired.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one chopstick go hungry.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who has sex with woman in field get piece on earth
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Did You Know. . .
> > >
> > > If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
> > > enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
> > >
> > > If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
> > > (Now that's more like it!)
> > >
> > >
> > > The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
> > > (O.M.G.!)
> > >
> > > A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
> > >(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
> > >
> > > A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
> > > death. (Creepy.)
> > >
> > >
> > > (I'm still not over the pig.)
> > >
> > >
> > > Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
> > >(Do not try this at home. Maybe at work.)
> > >
> > >
> > > The male pray mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
> > > body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
> > > ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
> > >
> > >
> > > The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
> > >
> > >
> > > (30 minutes... lucky pig. Can you imagine??)
> > >
> > >
> > > The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
> > > (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
> > >
> > >
> > > Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
> > >
> > >
> > > I'm thinking of being a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
> > >
> > >
> > > Butterflies taste with their feet.
> > > (Something I always wanted to know:)
> > >
> > >
> > > The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
> > > (Hmmmmmm........)
> > >
> > >
> > > Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
> > > people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
> > >
> > >
> > > Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
> > > (OK, so that would be a good thing....................)
> > >
> > > A cat's urine glows under a black light.
> > >(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
> > >
> > > An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
> > > (I know some people like that.)
> > >
> > > Starfish have no brains.
> > >(I know some people like that too.)
> > >
> > > Polar bears are left-handed.
> > >(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
> > >
> > > Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
> > >(What about that pig??)

Have a great night and don't think about the pig ;) !!!!!

13 Comments:

  • At 8/07/2005 11:36:00 PM, Blogger The Dark Pig said…

    Are you hitting on me...

     
  • At 8/08/2005 02:24:00 AM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    ROFL at first I was confused by what you meant, then I re-read the first joke. No hitting on meant, DP! Honest, tshsmom sent me both jokes today....although I'm sure you're very hit-onable.

    Bridg

     
  • At 8/08/2005 12:35:00 PM, Blogger European said…

    oink, oink
    :o

     
  • At 8/08/2005 12:45:00 PM, Blogger Mel said…

    In my next life, I still want to come back as a cat... the pig thing is impressive, but really I just want to be the most spoiled cat in the universe. Nothing beats that :)

     
  • At 8/08/2005 01:14:00 PM, Blogger Adrian said…

    Ive said it once and ill say it again:

    DOLPHINS ARE THE GANG RAPING MAMMALS OF THE SEA.

    They freak me out...

     
  • At 8/08/2005 01:42:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    I'm with tshsmom here. Our cats have it made in the shade!

    European glad you're having fun lol...

    Adrian, sorry re dolphins. They taste so good....

    ha ha just kidding. OK no more dolphin stuff....Bridg

     
  • At 8/08/2005 02:52:00 PM, Blogger European said…

    Adrian - explain that dolphin comment, please? Did you have a, er..., bad swimming experience?

     
  • At 8/08/2005 03:08:00 PM, Blogger bsoholic said…

    I could not possibly imagine farting consistently for 6 years and 9 months. How inconvienent that would be, riding the bus, and in elevators. Forget about ever dining with anyone. On the plus side, you probably wouldn't get invited to those boring office meetings. ;)

     
  • At 8/08/2005 03:09:00 PM, Blogger Netr said…

    Really good blog here! I will be checking it again.

    Check mine cheesecake recipe if you get a chance.

     
  • At 8/08/2005 03:34:00 PM, Blogger European said…

    Argh, Bridge, the cheesecake spammer got you, too! I just deleted his comments on my blog.

     
  • At 8/08/2005 03:50:00 PM, Blogger Niccio Dartsmouth said…

    ok.. now thats some funny crap there. love the proverbs!

    Thanks for the laugh feel free to visist :)

     
  • At 8/08/2005 10:26:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    bsoholic, that's exactly what I thought of (the meeting thing) when I read this the first time. What a weapon! And those guys who like to pinch women's bottoms? Ka-POW!!

    tee hee hee

    Niccio, welcome! Glad you liked tshsmom's funnies and will definitely visit.

    Cheesecake? Food? yum...

    Bridg

     
  • At 8/09/2005 08:02:00 AM, Blogger Adrian said…

    EUROPEAN: I posted about it a post lovingly entitled: "My Frikkin Fear of Dolphins"

    THEY TERRIFY ME.

     

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