Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Comic Relief

Zel, you are a lifesaver...


21) So you like to hang out!

20) The cucumber has left the salad.
19) I can see the gun of Navarrone.
18) Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
17) You've got Windows in your laptop.
16) Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
15) Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
14) Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell.
13) Paging Mr. Johnson.. Paging Mr. Johnson..
12) You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
11) Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10) Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
9) Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
8) Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
7) The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6) Dr. Kimble has escaped!
5) You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hilary."
4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
3) You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2) I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
1) I thought you were crazy before but now I see your nuts.

You may also want to check out this site I ran across today: http://www.craigslist.org/sby/rnr/89769500.html


  • At 8/15/2005 09:55:00 PM, Blogger Storm said…

    I love that. It's too funny. My favorites are #15 & #7. LOL

  • At 8/15/2005 10:56:00 PM, Blogger The Zombieslayer said…

    All right. Since you put me through that, I'm going to put you through this.

    The hottest nightclub pianist in New York up and quits. so the owner scrambles for a replacement. Out of the dozen or so people who answer the ad, they all suck big time and the owner freaks out.

    Suddenly, a man walks into the room, nods at the owner, and walks right up to the piano. He plays the most magnificent piece the owner's ever heard.

    "Wow! That was amazing! What's the name of that piece?"

    "Beer before liquor, never been sicker."

    The owner grimaces, but asks him to play another piece. Just like the first, it was utterly amazing. "What's that piece called?"

    "The Bitch took my Mercedes and left me the crabs."

    "Hmm...well, you're by far the most talented pianist I've ever heard. Don't know about your song titles though. The job's yours."

    That first night, the owner can't believe his eyes. They actually have to turn back hundreds of people because the bar is so packed. After his first set, the pianist heads for a smoke and gets dozens of phone numbers from hot chicks. Then he heads to the bathroom.

    On the way out of the bathroom, a guy comes up to the pianist and says "Do you know your fly's open and your cock is hanging out?"

    "Know it?," the pianist replies, "I wrote it, man."

  • At 8/15/2005 11:10:00 PM, Blogger callmemickey said…

    haha good list.. one of my friends uses the line "hey captain, are you about to drop anchor?" and also "hey, dont leave your line out trawling."

  • At 8/16/2005 12:29:00 AM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Hey storm, my fave's #3.

    ZS that is one good joke!! Love the first two titles...teee hee heee

    callmemickey, those are good ones too. Will add to the list!

    Welcome to the funny farm....Bridg


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