Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

People Just Wanna Be Free

Hi world! Hope you had weather like ours: clear, breezy, cool and bright. Perfect spring weather. In July. Well that's Ottawa for you. If ya don't like the weather, wait five minutes or so. It'll change lol.

This was a day for getting stuff done. Got The Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe scheduled for her annual checkup tomorrow, have the car going in for its 25000 km checkup on Tuesday. Haven't managed to drag my own carcass into the clinic yet but will...do have 2 weeks left lol. Replaced the ink in the printers, even got new paper. And the garden looks fabulous. The way I intended it to look like all those years ago when I planted this stuff in it. The hedges, which were looking quite thinned out (almost see-through) are back to their old selves again. Think it's the rain plus the kelp fertilizer that the gardening place I support advised me to get. Worked like a charm. Spotted butterflies running (OK flying) around it this morning (OK it was noon but as far as I was concerned it was morning!). Found out that S is pretty much going to be on his own tomorrow so I"m going to call him as a joke. Pauly took tomorrow off to have a long weekend.

Tee hee hee. No there's no escape from Bridg-jokery. Mom seems to be OK, but man she repeats herself quite a bit these days. The girls (Mom, me, my sister, her life partner) might be doing movies tomorrrow.

And here's a joke from Adrian (of OFF MY BLOG fame):
Try this test. Do not look at the bottom yet, note the numbers before doing it. It only takes 2 minutes.
5 things are happening at the same time in your flat which need your attention.
1- the phone is ringing
2- the baby is crying
3- somebody is knocking at your door
4- you hang out your washing outside and it has started to rain
5- you did not turn off the tap in the kitchen and the water is starting overflowing

In what order will you solve these problems?

Note the order in which you would settle these problems on a paper and check how your decisions have been taken. Do it, the results are very interesting...

Each point represents something in your life. You can see on the following list the definition of each point :
1- phone : work
2- Baby : family
3- Door : friends
4- Washing : money
5- Water : sex
The succession of numbers you have chosen define the order of your priorities in life. So, who decided to turn off the tap first?????????

OK I went for the tap first because of potential water damage, not sex! Really!!!

Boy I'm never gonna hear the end of that one...lol.

And here's another one from friend Rob:

> Things that are QUITE difficult to say when you are drunk...
> 1. Innovative
> 2. Preliminary
> 3. Proliferation
> 4. Cinnamon

> > Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk:
> 1. Specificity
> 2. Antidisestablishmentarianism
> 3. Loquacious
> 4. Transubstantiate

> > Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk:
> 1. Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you
> 2. Nope, no more booze for me
> 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type
> 4. No kebab for me, thank you
> 5. Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
> 6. I'm not interested in fighting you
> 7. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination
> 8. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street
> 9. You're right; I can't jump over that table.
> 10. Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing

Hope your day was bright....hugs, Bridg


  • At 7/29/2005 12:16:00 PM, Blogger Mel said…

    GREAT jokes.

    It's funny, I picked #5 too...

  • At 7/29/2005 02:14:00 PM, Blogger Sheri & SuZan said…

    LOL these were great! BTW: I picked the water first too; I was thinking I didn't want to clean up the mess.

  • At 7/29/2005 02:15:00 PM, Blogger European said…

    Who in their right mind would NOT go turn the water off first???
    Made me laugh...

  • At 7/29/2005 03:09:00 PM, Blogger Sagepaper said…

    I think my friends are right: I think to much.

    Overwhelmed by the sudden demands, I would answer the door, and tell the person, WHOEVER they are, to take in the luandry, since that is one thing that does not require my personal attention. Two down, two to go --answer the phone while the baby is crying, sending a clear message that this is not the time for a chat. Turn-off the water, only takes a second, and clean-up would take more than a second. Grab the baby and attend to it. If the person at the door has not taken in the laundry, I'll get to it sometime. If I just put it out, that means it's wet anyway. In fact, I might just leave it there rather than having it join the faucet in putting water on the floor.

  • At 7/29/2005 03:09:00 PM, Blogger bsoholic said…

    Love the impossible things to say drunk! LOL!!!

  • At 7/29/2005 03:11:00 PM, Blogger Sagepaper said…

    Who in their right mind would not answer the door first?

  • At 7/29/2005 03:23:00 PM, Blogger Sagepaper said…

    I believe "Fox in Sox" by Dr. Suese is recommended as a sobriety test. These jokes are great!

  • At 7/29/2005 04:08:00 PM, Blogger tshsmom said…

    Sage-I can't read Fox in Sox SOBER!

    This is the ONLY order a mother would do these things.
    Turn off the water.(We've had so many water related problems that I refused to get an icemaker on my new fridge)
    Pick up the baby as you're answering the CORDLESS phone, on your way to the door. If a friend or relative is at the door, hand them the baby and run out for the wash. If it's a stranger, tell them to get lost; you're on the phone and have wash on the line!

    I once got an obscene phone call when I had a pot boiling over on the stove, a hungry cat yowling and climbing up one leg, and a whiny baby pulling herself up my other leg. In response to his obscenities, I said: "You gotta be kidding me, I don't have time for this shit!" He hung up on me; go figure.

  • At 7/29/2005 09:20:00 PM, Blogger .: raven :. said…

    i picked:

    5 (i don't want to clean up a bigger mess later
    2 (i can comfort the baby so he stops crying)
    3 (answer the door)
    1 (answer the phone, if it's still ringing)
    4 (who cares?!?)

    the other was funny too .... hahaha so friggin true.

  • At 7/29/2005 09:41:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Think the majority went for the water, we've probably all been there. Sagepaper, sorry..am still laughing about being in my right mind. Never was in the first place, according to my family & pals.

    Mel, thanks I will definitely keep the jokes coming.
    S&S totally agree, that's why I went with 5 and prob Raven and European too?
    Tshsmom agree with you, Fox in sox is bad enough sober but drunk? I think we'd all just be laughing. Can't believe that you actually got an obscene phone caller to hang up on you! Congrats!!
    Bsoholic, I wonder from your pic if you've already tried these....
    Raven I am so with you. Who cares if the damn laundry's wet?



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