Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Daybreak

Know I used that title before and I know it's Barry Manilow but I like the song, world. Just got some good comedy and will post it bit by bit...here's more from Vic....

Truisms


1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called: "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss... the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines & a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he is and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper.I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."
13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way

7 Comments:

  • At 7/22/2005 06:35:00 PM, Blogger bsoholic said…

    LMAO! Those are great!
    #7 is soooo true too.

     
  • At 7/22/2005 06:54:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    LOL I like #12!

     
  • At 7/23/2005 05:38:00 AM, Blogger Adrian said…

    LOL!

    Brilliant. Thanks for clearing that up!

     
  • At 7/23/2005 11:37:00 AM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Adrian, you're welcome but what did I clear up lol?

     
  • At 7/23/2005 11:09:00 PM, Blogger Steph said…

    I love those!! I think I need to pas those on.
    But, hey!...What's wrong with the Manilow song?! ;)

     
  • At 7/24/2005 09:51:00 AM, Blogger tshsmom said…

    I have the feeling that we're all closet Barry Manilow and Neil Diamond fans. Admitting this in public has opened me up to all sorts of ridicule. Little music store snots call Neil Diamond "easy listening" now. Then they act like you need a wheelchair or hearing aid. NOOOOOO!!!!

     
  • At 7/24/2005 12:00:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Thanks Steph and Tshsmom! I like both of those guys...ND and BM as singers. Have seen BM in interviews and he can be like Celine, but love all that kind of music too.

    I hate it when they call ND easy listening. Obviously haven't heard 'done too soon' or the african trilogy stuff.

    Looked for HOliday Road (K. Loggins) in CD Warehouse the other week, and the fetus looking after me had never heard of the song, the singer or the movies that it was the theme for (National Lampoon HOliday movies). Grrrrr. The worst part was she acted like I was the idiot lol....Bridg

     

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