Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Popcorn (the music)

Hi world! It's pouring buckets but much cooler here.

Kinda like my work world too (cooler). So far I haven't seen much of Mr. B. He was gone this am, and I think that was for a sort of job interview/talk type thing in an other organization. I'm doing some work for him as a favor (writing/revising) and it's keeping me relatively sane. Plus Pauly, Issy and S drop by regularly either about work or to yack or both. Man I love them.

Otherwise I'm a ghost. Mr. B took my name off of all the e mail distribution lists that I was on (there were many--too many). I'm very glad to be off of one certain list, because the people involved are disobeying the head honchos, who are political types. The proverbial is going to hit the fan BIG TIME in the fall. I sure don't want to be involved in it. The jokes are pouring into my home e mail addy, so there's a lot to do once I get in the door (at home). Tomorrow am is the first real work item I'm on (a meeting to hand out work). I'm torn between faking a stress seizure and being my (calm) self if I get the turkey/exploding file. On one hand, I don't want to give him any material to portray me as incompetent; however, I don't want to get the kiss of death stuff to do either. Oh well, it isn't as if my heart's in it now anyway. With M gone, even with my lovely wonderful I-love-them colleagues and friends here, it's work instead of fun now.

Well, that's how it feels this afternoon. Maybe once/if I get projects to do, it'll change.

Don't trust myself to get up on time, so I'm going into work half an hour to an hour earlier than I used to do (and going home earlier too). It was great sleeping in till noon but also a sign of how bad things were stress-wise. Usually as soon as I get home now, I fall deeply asleep until 11:00, then go to sleep again around an hour later. This has been going on since Monday. In a way, it's more stressful being at work, not doing anything and behaving myself all at the same time. Plus not having any say in the situation is very stressful.

Can't believe that he hasn't yelled at, beheaded or done something awful to me yet. He did say some outrageous and negative things about some work I did when we first talked. I knew he was lying, and just sat there. No reply, no retort, no change in expression, I just waited for him to get to the point. It was an amazing feeling, and I think it's what led to the more civilized talk later on that day. Still can't get over it.

As was the case in Derik/1-2-3-I-love-you's case, we too have Spanish-speaking care staff at work but they don't play the same instrument(s) in public. Ours are from El Salvador. One in particular, a great guy, was trying to teach M and I how to speak Spanish. Me, I'm into French. There's a similarity between the two languages, but he told me that I speak Spanish with a French accent, which is hilarious. Anyway today I mentioned to him that M is gone. He waxed philosophical with me, which was cool (he's very bright). The talk turned to religion somehow and that was OK too.

It is so cool, and odd, how many folks who have been supportive or comforting have also been spiritual when talking to me about this. It's hard to miss when it happens often in a short period of time.

Called M today too and chatted most of the way home. His wife, who's been retired for years, has been waiting for him to go on vacation for a LONG time. The tasks that poor man has to do are daunting (like digging up six trees, planting replacements, cutting three acres' worth of grass). It was great to hear his voice again.

But to quote one of those irritating Sex in the City types, I can't help wondering what the point of all this was and where it is going. On a personal level, maybe I did get too close to M.....which led to overdependence on him? What is certain is that I learned a lot about control from him and from studying I did while I was off. Am more (not totally mind you) able to turn emotion off when needed. And it feels good.

The situation is too unstable for where I am to continue as it is now. Just can't see it lasting. Can't believe that Mr. B is still around, especially given his frustrations and stress with the job--much less managing a pretty high quality team (with his insecurities). And the fact that he is very close to being able to retire (but he won't want to with a bad taste in his mouth/bad impression of him left, and that appears to be the current situation if I'm reading it properly).

Having not stood up for M in his hour of need, would they (the big shots in our organization) replace Mr. B (if/when he goes) with M? M doubts it. I'm not sure. M wanted to build a dream team, and he did in our group (not necessarily including myself in that last one!). Isn't it odd for him not to be working with the team that he put together? What the heck was/is the point?

M and I both think that this organization is in to get its big butt kicked and kicked hard about its inactivity on a major political hot potato soon (by fall at the latest). This will not be a good place to be in a few months because of that. If you've seen the move "The Day After Tomorrow", you'll have some idea of what I'm talking about. The repercussions will be big, loud and nasty.

I have some ideas of where it would be good to be, but don't dare say it for fear it won't happen. There are opportunities there at M's level and usually that's followed by ones at mine.

Sorry for droning on an on about this speculation. I promise to quit talking/writing about it now.

So all appears well. Am waiting for the other shoe to fall but trying to be positive about it.

It's a toughie, folks!

The Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe is not sick anymore, thank heavens. Mom is doing fine, and the older of my two bros (the one who is not married to a hellion and who has two great sons) has a birthday tomorrow (52). Family party time! Imagine five 13 year olds (in 50+ year old bodies) all celebrating together at the same time. Yep. It drives the in-laws crazy, and I'm proud to say that both nephews have inherited the silly gene. They are 21 and 20.

Greg (neighbor) arranged for the roof guys to give me an estimate by next week at the latest. Yay.

OK am off to make dinner since Smokey won't do it for me, the ingrate. Also laundry......big hugs all around, Bridg

2 Comments:

  • At 6/15/2005 09:50:00 PM, Blogger tshsmom said…

    Hopefully you can get out before the "butt kick" happens.

     
  • At 6/15/2005 11:40:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Thanks tshsmom, I am sooooo counting on it.

    Bridg

    p.s. usually when I leave a place it's on the verge of going down the tubes. Left GM in 1981 (one of their worst years at that time), got out of the energy field in 1984 (ditto re energy)...left another place before it merged with a second org and laid off a lot of folks..

     

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