Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Sisters Are Doin It For Themselves

From Monique...

> >
> > > > > >
> >
> > > > > > This has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in a
> >
> > longtime.
> >
> > > > > > I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.
> >
> > > > > >
> >
> > > > > > This is a true story from the WordPerfect Help line which was
> >
> > > > > > transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care
> >
> > > > > > department.
> >
> > > > > > Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired. However, he
> >
> > > > > > is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination
> >
> > > > > > without Cause." This is the actual dialogue of a former Word
> >
> > > > > > Perfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record
> >
> > these
> >
> > > > > > conversations)
> >
> > > > > >
> >
> > > > > > "Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
> >
> > > > > > "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
> >
> > > > > > "What sort of trouble?"
> >
> > > > > > "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
> >
> > went
> >
> > > > > > away." "Went away?"
> >
> > > > > > "They disappeared."
> >
> > > > > > "Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
> >
> > > > > > "Nothing."
> >
> > > > > > "Nothing?"
> >
> > > > > > "It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."
> >
> > > > > > "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
> >
> > > > > > "How do I tell?"
> >
> > > > > > "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
> >
> > > > > > "What's a sea-prompt?"
> >
> > > > > > "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
> >
> > > > > >
> >
> > > > > > "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I
> >
> > >type."
> >
> > > > > > "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
> >
> > > > > > "What's a monitor?"
> >
> > > > > > "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does
> >
> > it
> >
> > > > > > have little light that tells you when it's on?"
> >
> > > > > > "I don't know."
> >
> > > > > > "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the
> >
> > power
> >
> > > > > > cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
> >
> > > > > > "Yes, I think so."
> >
> > > > > > "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
> >
> > plugged
> >
> > >into
> >
> > > > > > the wall."
> >
> > > > > > "Yes, it is."
> >
> > > > > > "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
> >
> > were
> >
> > > > > > two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
> >
> > > > > > "No."
> >
> > > > > > "Well , there are. I need you to look back there again and find
> >
> > the
> >
> > > > > > other cable."
> >
> > > > > > "Okay, here it is."
> >
> > > > > > "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into he
> >
> > back
> >
> > > > > > of your computer."
> >
> > > > > > "I can't reach."
> >
> > > > > > "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
> >
> > > > > > "No."
> >
> > > > > > "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way
> >
> > over?"
> >
> > > > > > "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because
> >
> > it's
> >
> > > > > > dark." "Dark?"
> >
> > > > > > "The office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
> >
> >
> >
> > >from
> >
> > > > > > the window."
> >
> > > > > > "Well, turn on the office light then."
> >
> > > > > > "I can't."
> >
> > > > > > "No? Why not?"
> >
> > > > > > "Because there's a power failure."
> >
> > > > > > "A power....... a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it
> >
> > licked
> >
> > > > > > now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff
> >
> > your
> >
> > > > > > computer came in?"
> >
> > > > > > "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
> >
> > > > > > "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just
> >
> > like
> >
> > > > > > it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
> >
> > bought it
> >
> > > > > > from." "Really? Is it that bad?"
> >
> > > > > > "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
> >
> > > > > > "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
> >
> > > > > > "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."
> >

Love Train

Let's hear it for the O'Jays!!! Hi World, how goes it?

It's hot here but not as hot as it's been. I'm watering both lawns (front and back) now and don't care a fig if I get arrested/shot/whatever for it. How much worse than my job could it be, lol?

Mr. B (Da Big Cheese) took today and Monday off. Yippee!! We are being audited (file stuff) on July 6 so this gave me a chance to do some fixing up of files and some more job hunting. Had a good lead that might actually work. This was a very nice man I talked to.

M called. Wanted to catch up on news, go for beer after work on Monday, and said six times that he'll call me on Monday. Think that his wife doesn't like me calling. She's gotta be nuts. I am nowhere in her league looks wise. Yah M and I are close but that doesn't mean oh forget it. Yes M I got the picture. Poor you.

He's discouraged, of course. So am I. Had two phone calls today from friends/clients who were dumbfounded and very upset when they got a whiff of what happened. I am not being brutally honest but clear. Holy cow the reactions. I can't say that I blame them---after all both M and I have long positive histories not only with these guys but others too. Oh well. It does warm the heart to know that people care. It really does.

Mom's cat is home! The prob was his thyroid. Mom had been giving him meds, then her vet said to stop doing it. Then the cat quit eating. WELL?? Sheesh. Glad she took him to my vet (I mean Smokey's). So he's eating, gained back the weight he lost, and Mom is very happy. Thank Heavens!!

It's a long weekend here and in the U.S. too. I am going to enjoy sleeping in. And going to movies and the usual weekend stuff. Have no desire to watch fireworks, I get enough of that at work. But it is lovely to kick back and let loose.

Thank all of you for hanging out here with me and being so encouraging. It makes all the difference in the world. Love ya for it. This'll pass, sooner or later.

May all be well in your worlds....Bridg

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Something Got Me Started

OK world, we're into Simply Red these days...and how goes it with you?

It's still sweltering here. First day without Pauly but survived it! Went to meeting that I thought would be boring this aft (the 2 hour kind). Actually it was cool. Saw folks I knew, some I didn't and hit it off with the new guys. And have at least one, possibly two, people looking to help me find a job. Did get to talk to S and another old friend this a.m. which is great.

This being a short week, it's hard to tell if people are in the office or not. Immediate reaction of yours truly is to panic (if I don't get immediate call backs), see everyone as thinking I"m nuts/incompetent/you name it--which is (I hope) the darkest perspective and untrue. Made more phone contacts, some very warm (e.g. 'you have a very impressive cv'). It helps. Got lots of phone calls from buddies, all encouraging. Bless your hearts!!

Finished a task for Mr. B, two days early. Friday is a statutory holiday here, literally it's three days early. No indication that he'd read it or even gave it a second thought. Looked like he was in a bad mood. Stayed clear (not that he was free anyway).

I'm leaving I'm leaving I'm leaving this is not my problem (repeat mantra 40000000 times till you believe it, Bridg).

One of the people helping me has a husband who's in stage 4 head and neck cancer. I feel so very sorry for her/them. Said a lot of prayers for them. She's truly a great person and although I never met him, he's gotta be pretty good stuff for her to have married him. Am keeping my fingers crossed for them all.

The vet got Mom's cat to eat. Still are working on figuring out what's going on. They're gonna do an ultrasound tomorrow.

Have not heard from M lately. He's probably working his *** off at home. He did mention the last time that we spoke that it's more work to repair neglect (which is what he's doing now) than to do the work in the first place. Don't I know that!? But his is a huge place. My whole house could fit into his garage, literally.

Hope it rains soon. Sure don't want to go out there and water anything. For one thing, the city folks would shoot me (water rationing). And in the second place, our mosquitos are the size of birds. Birds of prey, lol.

Did hear from Jery, who said that the game isn't over (don't despair) and something about third down? Not that i speak football/soccer/whatever! Marc called too. He was at home, is coming into work tomorrow and will call tomorrow to catch up. What a sweetheart!! I'm telling you, world, I have the nicest, best pals in the universe. It helps.

Wish any ONE of them was my boss, but that's another story. Here's another set of cool stuff from Peter (one of the greats, Peter is!):

The Humour of the FamousDinesh Vora..
[1] Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, youshould have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) .
[2] I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was notpleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt .
[3] Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain .
[4] The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a goodending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns .
[5] Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge .
[6] Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -Mark Twain .
[7] What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce. - MarkTwain.
[8] By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; ifyou get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates .
[9] I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - GrouchoMarx .
[10] My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante .
[11] The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper .
[12] I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa ZsaGabor .
[13] Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine .
[14] Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain .
[15] My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Ed Furgol .
[16] Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan .
[17] What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. - Henny Youngman .
[18] I am opposed to millionaires .. but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. - Mark Twain .
[19] Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up. - Joe Namath .
[20] Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. -Herbert Henry Asquith .
[21] I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope .
[22] I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC. Fields .
[23] We could certainly slow the ageing process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers .
[24] Don't worry about avoiding temptation ... as you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill .
[25] Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.. but everything else startsto wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller .
[26] The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out. - Unknown .
[27] By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal.

Hoping you're keeping your cool, world....Bridg

Tuesday, June 28, 2005


The song, not the make-up!

OK Mr. Bush, you owe me. They took of NCIS so we could listen to you.

No offense, I know it's important, but couldn't you have bumped off anyone ELSE but Mark Harmon?? How about Everyone Loves Raymond? You could have pre-empted that nosy mom any old time....


Sincerely not happy with your timing,

Hooray for Hazel

And from pal Monique...this planetary news.....

>>The Red Planet is about to be spectacular! This month and next,
>>Earth is catching up with Mars in an encounter that will culminate
>>in the closest approach between the two planets in recorded history.
>>time Mars may come this close is in 2287. Due to the way Jupiter's
>>gravity tugs on Mars and perturbs its orbit, astronomers can only
>>be certain that Mars has not come this close to Earth in the Last
>>5,000 years, but it may be as long as 60,000 years before it
>>happens again.
>>The encounter will culminate on August 27th when Mars comes to
>>within 34,649,589 miles of Earth and will be (next to the moon)
>>the brightest object in the night sky. It will attain a magnitude
>>of -2.9 and will appear 25.11 arc seconds wide. At a modest
>>75-power magnification
>>Mars will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. Mars
>>will be easy to spot. At the beginning of August it will rise in
>>the east at 10p.m. and reach its azimuth at about 3 a.m.
>>By the end of August when the two planets are closest, Mars will
>>rise at nightfall and reach its highest point in the sky at
>>12:30a.m. That's pretty convenient to see something that no human
>>being has seen in recorded history. So, mark your calendar at the
>>beginning of August to see Mars grow progressively brighter and
>>brighter throughout the month.
>>Share this with your children and grandchildren. NO ONE ALIVE

Seventh Son

From another earth angel friend, Vic, comes this life saver. Bless you, Vic!!

Stress Management
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "how heavy is this glass of water? "

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. "If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. "In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes. "

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. "

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. "

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. "

"Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

* Never buy a car you can't push.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

" A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today. . . . . I did.


Simply Red Lyrics
Stars Lyrics (courtesy of http://www.lyricsondemand.com/s/simplyredlyrics/starslyrics.html)

Anyone who ever held you
Would tell you the way I'm feeling
Anyone who ever wanted you
Would try to tell you what I feel inside
The only thing I ever wanted
Was the feeling that you ain't faking
The only one you ever thought about
Wait a minute can't you see that I
I wanna fall from the stars
Straight into your arms
I, I feel you
I hope you comprehend
For the man who tried to hurt you
He's explaining the way I'm feeling
For all the jealousy I caused you
States the reason why I'm trying to hide
As for all the things you taught me
It sends my future into clearer dimensions
You'll never know how much you hurt me
Stay a minute can't you see that I
I wanna fall from the stars
Straight into your arms
I, I feel you
I hope you comprehend
Too many hearts are broken
A lover's promise never came with a maybe
So many words are left unspoken
The silent voices are driving me crazy
As for all the pain you caused me
Making up could never be your intention
You'll never know how much you hurt me
Stay can't you see that I
I wanna fall from the stars
Straight into your arms
I, I feel you
I hope you comprehend

Love that song! How goes it world? It's stifling, silly hot here. Way into 40+ with humidity. Like being in a sauna YUK. Even hot at work with the a/c going full blast.

Today went OK. The meeting with Mr. B and the group was fine. He asked to talk to me after the meeting, which always gives me quite the feeling...but he asked if I would like to work on a tough issue that he and a new person have been trying to handle while I'm looking for a job. In other words "we need help but keep trying to get your butt outa here".

I am an idiot. I agreed to help.

Yup you read that right.

Did mention that I'm waiting for call-backs and can't predict what will come through when, so in the interim I would like to help.

He was nice. Well OK he treated me the way he treats other folks. Which is a vast improvement.

My pal Pauly is on vacation until July 12. I am glad for him, panicked for me. Fortunately S is still here, with his lovely dry humor. One of the guys who retired is back as a consultant and he is a pal also, so it's, well, OK.

I am just sick with worry about whether or not I'll be able to find anything. If I'm so good how come I don't have anything yet??? Yikes.

Took two of my awards home. Got sick of having parts of me still in the office.

It's hard to see into the future. Usually I can visualize something (heh heh heh how many times have I/you done that, and how often has it turned out as visualized?) but not now. My shrink thinks that I'm doing OK.

No comment.

Little bro might finally separate from S. She's turned his daughter against him, and wants to send her (daughter) to another city to live with S's mom, who REALLY hates little bro. Little Bro is over his gambling problem (we hope), but is a loving and very naieve person. I just hope that the witch doesn't poison him. Or his son (they have 2 kids. The son looks exactly like Little Bro and the witch holds it against the poor kid). Hope that the two of them get out of there safely. Fast.

What a world!

Mom's cat is still at the vet's. He won't eat and no one can figure out why. She's very upset and I don't blame her. Fortunately Big(ger) Bro is retired and spending time with her. She adores him, and that's helping a great deal.

And now for something completely different.

From my pal Eric, who courageously lives in Washington D.C. (talk about sauna!):

A magazine recently ran a "DILBERT QUOTES" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. Here are the top ten finalists:

1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA)

2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant manager, Delco Corporation)

6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." Shipping executive,FTD Florists)

9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

10. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (Hallmark Cards Executive)

Dont' forget NCIS tonight folks!

Many hugs, Bridg

Monday, June 27, 2005

Still The One (S. Twain)

Today for the first time in a long time, I woke up grinning because this song was playing. Here are the lyrics:

Still The One (courtesy of http://www.lyrics007.com/Shania%20Twain%20Lyrics/You're%20Still%20The%20One%20Lyrics.html)
Artist: Shania Twain Lyrics
Song: You're Still The One Lyrics
100% Legal MP3 Downloads
Click here to send Shania Twain polyphonic ringtone to your cell phone.
(When I first saw you, I saw love.
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after all this time, you're still the one I love.)

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

Bridge: They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

Chorus: (You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'

I'm so glad we made it
Look how far we've come my baby

The weather continues to fry on. Over 40 with the humidity and I don't have the foggiest notion of what that is in farenheight. My thermostat's set at 71, and the a/c hasn't stopped once since I got home.

And this madwoman cooked! Two different chicken dishes (yes had to heat the oven) and spaghetti sauce. Well at least I won't have to cook for a while.

BTW speaking of food, I tried those mousse yogurt things. Have you? They are really dessert-ish but not very filling. Bought a tuna sandwitch after.

No bad things happened today. My shrink said that I'm doing fine, Pauly too bless his warm soul. Issy is distressed, I think by workload and lack of support. When she asks for guidance, I give it to her but it can be a daunting field that we're in at first. In a way she'd be safer leaving, the job is not what it was supposed to be at all. She wanted to work with me, and I"m kinda Persona Non Gratia now. She's very talented and if she looks around will find something quickly, which I will probably get blamed for. I haven't talked to her about this kind of stuff AT ALL but will get blamed anyway, that's how it goes.

Made a lot of phone calls re jobs. Have a few more to make, then wait/follow up. These are real stalwart folks here. Leaving is going to be like cutting off my foot/hand. But essential to do under the circumstances.

Mom made the mistake of going out for coffee with a friend, forgot to tell Meals On Wheels. They called the Seniors Resource Centre, who called me. I was on my way to the shrink's so I called my older (older of the 2 bros) to go check on Mom. He lives VERY close to her house. She came back while Bro was checking her house out. MAN have we got support systems down to a science! Good thing that they didn't go out for lunch lol. So Bro also took her cat to the vet (my cat's vet). He isn't eating, has lost weight and the vet that Mom had been taking him to couldn't figure out what's wrong. My vet (where I first set eyes on The Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe as a very young kitten) is very experienced and smart. They'll fix him up.

So world, how goes it with you? Is it hot all over North America? I'm ready for an ice age! Or thunderstorm. Oh wait I take that back until after the meeting tomorrow, lol.

hugs world! Bridg

Sunday, June 26, 2005

I Gotta Try

By michael mcdonald & kenny loggins (courtsey of http://www.lyricsfreak.com/m/michael-mcdonald/92967.html)
Maybe it’s true what they say about it
Maybe we can’t make the ends meet
Maybe we’ll all have to do without it
Maybe this world’s just incomplete

Still we all look for the truth in our lives
Searching from different sides
So hard living in a desperate world
But we all do the best that we can

Chorus 1:
Some people see a change
Some will remain the same
But all of them live their lives under the gun
Some see the road as clear
Some say the end is here
They say it’s a hopeless fight,
well I say I gotta try

Maybe there’s too much to think about it
Maybe there ain’t nothin’ left to say
But if our time’s really runnin’ out
Then this is no time to run away’
cause we’re destined to look for the truth in this life
Blinded by tearful eyes
If it’s no use tryin’ in a desperate world
Then tell me why was I born

Chorus 2:
Some people see a change
Some will remain the same
But all of them live their lives under the gun
Some see the road as clear
Some say the end is here
They say it’s a hopeless fight,
but I say I gotta try

Lonely-living too lonely
Is it too late
To turn it all around

Chorus 2:
Someone’s tryin’
Someone’s cryin’ out
While we live under the gun
Someone’s livin’
Someone’s givin’ up

Cool song, huh?

Am trying to put a more positive spin on Monday like my pal Jery did: Another week, wonder what it will bring? What opportunities? Challenges? Open doors? Wisdom? New friends and contacts? New learning (and MAN I have a THICK skull sometimes)? Like looking farther than the end of my own nose? Honest, I'm trying guys. Getting to know friends better?

Learning to stand on my own size 10's better?

It's hard to know when to lean and when to stop. Guess that's part of the lesson. My ex used to say that I didn't need him. Then he said I needed too much. Finding that middle.....

Mom and I had a really good day yesterday. Even had dinner. We didn't go out today, I wound up falling asleep while watching one of those TV movies and woke up at 6:30. Am getting back to a routine around here about dusting, changing The Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe's litter, recycling, laundry, groceries, cooking. Didn't get to the cooking yet (too busy napping silly me) but will tomorrow. I love cooking, it just takes energy. Sometimes it's there, sometimes not. But did get all the ingredients needed. Bro helping with Mom is making her happier. I know she adores the big guy in her heart. She's missed him these past few years (he's been very busy).

Are any of you on some of the healthy cooking Yahoo groups? I am, e.g. good4theheart, and they have some super recipes. Really WOW type food. Have been trying them out--one was chicken cooked in applecider with mushrooms. Sounds funny but tasted great. Whoever is creating this stuff (I'm a big chicken fan) THANK YOU!! The recipes I'm out to try now have a lot of marinating in lemon and herbs, so I bought a dozen lemons and the same amount of limes.

Little Bro called Mom today. It's really sad being in a hard marriage, especially when kids are involved. It sounds like his daughter has been turned against Bro by his wife and MIW. There really isn't much point to that marriage, I worry about his continued health living there. He has a son, same mother, who needs protection from the mother and MIW, but there's no reason why he can't separate and take his son with him. God help them all, I mean that most seriously.

It has been swelteringly hot here for the last 5 days or so. We had one fierce thunderstorm yesterday but it was a sauna out there today too. Hope things are cooler on Monday. This seems pretty hot for June...but these days do you ever know?

Anyway, off to sleep soon. Take care, world and friends....I'm thinking about you.


Saturday, June 25, 2005

Like The Desert Misses Rain

OK, here is a list of things I like for those of you interested (hey why not do one of your own)?

65 Things I Like

1. My family, especially my Mom. I adore all of them except S SIL, and her I feel very sorry for.
2. My friends. Too many to list them all, but here's a partial list: Pauly, Jery, S, Issy, LC, Pierre
R, M, Marc, Peggy, Roo, Lui, Vic, Anna, Monique D, Chet, Eric S and A, Crystal, Doris, Fred P,
Ian, Joe, John RL, Mark A, Blue, COB, Rob J, Peter T and M, Ray, Rita, Sir John, Don S, Tim
E, Zel, Raven, Undies, Tshsmom, Zombieslayer, Kris, kimmyk, Red, Wandering Coyote, my
aunt and uncle--the nicest, smartest folks on earth
3. Doggies, especially puppies, and their owners
4. Cats, birds, almost any animal. Especially big furry ones.
5. People who like animals, esp. dogs
6. Air conditioning
7. Living close to my family
8. Music, esp from 70s and 80s.
9. Movies (action, comedy, nothing serious minded)
10. Books!There are 496 in this room alone
11. Gardening (when it isn't hot)
12. Flowers in my garden from plants that Smokey and I put in the ground years ago
13. Pjs in any season (flannel in winter, silky/satiny in summer)
14. Lazy weekend mornings spent sipping coffee, reading the newspaper with The Most
Spoiled Cat In The Universe next to me, purring
15. The sound of my cat purring
16. Sunny days in any season
17. People who care. About other people, animals, it doesn't matter--these guys have heart
18. People with a sense of humor, the drier the better
19. Waking up on weekend mornings, rolling back to sleep
20. Meds that help (allergies, arthritis....)
21. Mohitos
22. Natcho cheese doritos (my downfall)
23. Pizza
24. Cheeseburgers
25. Not cooking (going out to eat)
26. Spaghetti
27. Reading
28. Helpful folks, especially in hardware stores
29. Having a decent income (well, for now anyway)
30. Going barefoot
31. Aromatherapy
32. Spiritualism (auras, psychics, angels, you name it I'm there)
33. Prayer
34. Being able to understand another language most of the time (French)
35. Art (all kinds)
36. Robert Bateman art
37. The Lost Marble (a really cool store here that specializes in stuff for kids or big kids)
38. Hope and those who provide it
39. Kind people (did I mention that already?)--kindness in general
40. Support at work (being allowed to be creative, bold, myself in a safe environment. M
provided that, I miss it like the desert misses rain)
41. Reading fairy tales as an 'adult'
42. Helping people (was my job when I was allowed to do it)
43. Writing
44. Spring, summer and fall
45. Cooking
46. Sleeping
47. Angels and anything to do with them
48. Stone/Gemstone jewelery
49. Silver
50. Indian (First Nations) culture
51. Humour of any kind but slapstick
52. Being a smart alek and being appreciated for it
53. Ferns, rhododendrons and herbs esp. basil
54. Peace and peace of mind
55. Quiet
56. Water, especially the ocean.
57. Wood, especially oak. It 'speaks' to me.
58. That my hair is white. Will let it go that way soon.
59. Low, deep, rumbly male voices
60. Rough looking hands
61. Tweeds and jeans (my Mom's doctor wears this combo. She is over 75 years old, smart and
62. Decent clothes in my size (ones that don't make me look like an idiot)
63. Flat shoes
64. Taking pictures
65. Beaches

That's it for today....Bridg

Keep It Comin On (warning: religious)

In my smart ass youth, used to refer to the song as "keep it common law".

Anyhow, I'm a member of a really neat Yahoo group that's angel related. Those of you who aren't religious might not be too fond of this post, so be warned.

One of the members sent out a message that I found really timely and very helpful. I'm repeating it here to give it wider audience, in case it could help someone else. The person who sent it is : "B K" bkgswu@yahoo.com. I don't usually post, or always read, this kind of thing but something in the title really grabbed me today. I italicized the part that hit me the most. Here it is (remember, it's pretty religious):

Keep Looking Forward

God tells us to simply remember Him and forget everything else. This is not difficult. Those who find it difficult to forget everything else would also find it difficult to remember God. Those who pay attention to remembering God will automatically forget everything. There are certain things that particularly prevent us from being able to remember God. One of these is remembering the past. Actually, you strain your neck trying to look around and look at the past. A lot of pain is experienced by remembering the past.

Instead of thinking of the past we have to pay attention to looking forward and preparing for the future. Actually, the soul does want to look forward and prepare to go home. Now allow yourself to do this work. Don't allow yourself to keep experiencing pain by looking at the past. God is working on you; removing all the alloy from you. What will be left after the alloy is removed? Only gold. pure gold. Pure gold is very bright and beautiful. He is a goldsmith and as much as you hand over to him, He will have that much to work on. Gold retains its value. Keep something old with you and God does not get the chance to work on that aspect.

Nowadays people wear such strange clothes and they call it 'fashion'. God has taught us to wear very simple clothes. Be careful how you spend your money. What is the need of spending huge amounts on clothes? Wear simple clothes. The work of a laundryman is very good service. God asks us to give Him our dirty clothes. He will wash, iron and hand them back. However, if you decide you don't want to give them to Him, what can he do? The result of not handing over what you have to God? You will not be able to become clean, pure.

The darkness of ignorance can only be destroyed when you have the light of knowledge.

Some pay attention to remind others of God throughout the day; just giving happiness. Others just trouble others. If someone needs something then help them! Some of you seem to feel that a little extra bit of work is like a mountain. It is as if they have a burden on themselves and they cannot take on any more. We have to learn from each other. Some do so much and they feel that they have not done anything. They remain light and say that God makes them do everything and it is He who helps.

Let me become full with everything God has given me. In the Golden Age we will have peace and happiness but we have to attain that now. Who can have peace now? The soul whose heart is clean. One who has such love for honesty and truth and does not want to hide anything inside. Just make this one effort; God I want to be really honest. See then how you dance. You will feel your own sweetness. there will be nothing else in your heart.

We should continue to write letters to God. If the letter was filled with the fragrance of honestly, God would kiss the letter! If he did not hear from us, he would think that maybe something had happened to the child.

Actually, if you want to become part of the Rosary of Victorythen you need to wear the garland of teachings around your neck.

Remain light and keep your vision on your role and playing it well. In fact if you are doing what God wants you will be loved by everyone.

Do you remember the days of your childhood throughout the day or do you just get lost in your own thought? Now stop thinking of what is going to happen to others. If I were to leave my body today then what would be my condition? If you don't think what your final destination will be according to your thoughts now, then at that time you will have to cry.


Sidewalks of New York

This was one of my maternal grandmother's favourite songs. She grew up in the New York City of the 20s, teaching shop to the disabled (children).

Well, here I am waiting out yet another nosebleed. No I don't do drugs. Wonder what the heck is causing this? Anyway, went over to Raven's blog (see sidebar: Nothing In Particular) and saw a really cool list that she did called 103 Things I Dislike. In homage, thought I'd give it a try:

42 Things I Dislike

1. Mr. B and others who abuse power
2. Egotists, liars and head game players (male AND female)
3. When my house is messy (very rare except the basement)
4. Coming home to an unmade bed
5. Being late (no I'm not anal but I hate just standing around waiting for others and don't want to
do that to them)
6. People who are always seriously (30 minutes+) late
7. Extreme heat
8. Meaness (to kids, animals, waiters, anyone)
9. Stupid people (if you're born that way, OK; I guess I mean thoughtless people here)
10. Vacuuming (noisy, sweaty, ick)
11. Weeding the garden in hot weather
12. Bees or anything that sounds like them
13. People who can't drive standard transmissions and think they can (I get stuck behind these
geniuses constantly)
14. Slow drivers in the fast lane, who selfrighteously adhere to their 30 KM under the limit
15. Endless stretches of no sun weather
16. Veggies of any kind, unless they're on pizza/in ceasar salad
17. Getting up in the a.m. to go to work (I'm a night person)
18. Being fat
19. People who judge, especially by looks or without sufficient info
20. That street people are not looked after properly (taken care of kindly)
21. How some treat the elderly, disabled, and otherwise disenfranchised
22. Getting politics instead of government
23. How the mentally ill are generally regarded and treated
24. Old country music
25. People who think that singles are selfish/have nothing to do/are less worthy than 'the
26. Like Raven, not living near enough to the ocean
27. That my first sweetheart turned out not to be my true love, although I spent 34 years
thinking 'what if' (entirely my fault, he is who he is)
28. People who abuse their spouses and/or children
29. Angry people in general
30. Like Raven, losing my hair (developing bald patch in the front)
31. My body betraying me as I age (arthritis, weight, hormones, heart--you name it, it's falling
32. Not being in (romantic) love
33. Ben Mulroney (sorry son, you look WAY too much like your dad, and you've done nothing to
earn celebrity but be his kid)
34. American Idol, Canadian Idol, reality shows and commercials aimed at idiots
35. That I'm not a witch (see Practical Magic, that's what I want to be!)
36. That I have to work to survive. I love work, just not the exact place I am now
37. That I let myself be talked out of being a teacher
38. Cleaning the basement (ewwwww)
39. That Charmed isn't on TV anymore
40. Moving (13 times in 16 years is E-nough)
41. Not having all the ingredients I need when I'm cooking (arrgh).
42. Math

That's all I could think of for now. Cool idea, Raven!

p.s. will think about things I like next....

Friday, June 24, 2005

Economics Through Cows (Something To Offend Everyone)

My pal Vic sent me this and I had to share it with ya'll:

Economics through cows
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM: You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other
and throws the milk away
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd
multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow dropped dead. *pretty sure this is a Canadian thing too*
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth
the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then
create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100
years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You
break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five
cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them
again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge
others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You
claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay

Ottis Redding (Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay (courtesy of http://www.lyricsstyle.com/o/ottisredding/thedockofthebay.html)
Sittin' in the mornin sun
I'll be sittin when the evenin' come
Watchin the ships roll in
Then I watch 'em roll away again
I'm sittin on the dock of the bay
watchin the time roll away
I'm just sittin on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time
I left my home in Georgia
Headed for the Frisco Bay
Cause I had nothin to live for
And look Like nothin's gonna come my way
So I'm just goin to sit on the dock of the bay
Watchin the time roll away
I'm sittin on the dock the dock of the bay wastin time
Look pop nothin's goin to change
everything still remains the same
I can't do what ten people tell me to do
So I guess I'll remain the same
Sittin' here restin my bones
And this loneliness won't leave me alone
2000 miles I roam
Just to make this dock my home
Now I'm jus' gon' sit at the dock of a bay
watchin the time roll away
Sittin On the dock of the bay wastin' time
Whistle 23 seconds

BTW life's been a boring hell, a waiting game, sigh. Part of the bit of looking for a job. Guess this is one of those character building things because it sure ain't fun.

I'm very grateful for every second I don't see Mr. B, and panicked at even the thought that he might appear. As I said before, the fact that he hasn't yelled at me lately only means that it's overdue. Trust me on this one. The gang went out for lunch today, Issy's idea. The service was very slow, so slow that I became concerned that Mr. B would go looking for us, discover us gone and blame me for being the ringleader (this isn't paranoia BTW, there's reason to think this way). Wound up eating about half to a third of what was on my plate. On the plus side, got rid of 700 e mails today. Only 900 more to go. Unfortunately I am not kidding.

S, Pauly and Issy are the best. Even Lynda (LB) is feeling sorry for me and helping out.

No I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just taking the temp of the water by looking at the reactions of others.

Heard from M. He was tired, doing yard work as usual. Thanked me for the update on the goings on etc. Nice to hear from him but both of us are beginning to lose our edges/nerve/courage waiting. Guess we're just human after all, lol. What a change from months ago. The good news is that this can't last forever.

And I be tagged by tshsmom! Here goes.....

If I had to choose between books, movies or music; I could only have one of these for the rest of my life. . . . What would you choose?
MOVIES!! I need the escape.

Total # of books owned? Toughie. All of my bedroom shelves are full, there are 4 boxes in the basement, a full wall unit (top and bottom) and four bookshelves in the room I'm typing in. OK here's a rough guestimate: 576 upstairs not counting reports. I'm guessing over 1000 including the flipping wall unit.

Last book I bought? Thoughts and Feelings by MacKay, Davis and Fanning (how to control emotional reactions)

Last book I read? Thoughts and Feelings

5 books with special meaning to me?
Lost Horizon (I identify with the hero)
The Great Gatsby (love the imagery)
Simple Abundance (love the thoughts)
Pulling Your Own Strings (Wayne Dyer)
A Book of Angels (am very into angels. This was my first angel book)
others that don't fit the 5: anything by A. Christie, A. Moody and Self Esteem by Fanning and MacKay (made a huge diff in my life)

I Tag Raven and Zombieslayer!


Thursday, June 23, 2005

This Is The Song That Never Ends.....

It just goes on and on my friends...yada yada yada!

Hola world how was your Thursday?

Mr. B was away/not in today. Made more calls, getting folks' help looking..and on it goes. Mom is doing OK, Bro was with her all day. Was still there at 5:00 when I called, helping her fix and do things. That is great news (it isn't just me anymore).

Calculated that I can't retire. They penalize you 5% a year for every year's experience you are short of 30. So since I have 24 years (actually 23/5), I get hit with a 30% penalty. And I'd be going prior to age 55 (53) so there's more penalty, I think. It wouldn't be so bad without my mortgage, which is a whopper. I pay $1100 a month.

So there it is, I just have to look. OK Universe, please send a good job here? Thanks.

Not much else to report on. Have lots of energy (well when I'm not sleeping my butt off) and my wonderful friends are my lifeline.

Would probably help if I got off my lazy duff and did the laundry and stuff. WEll, tomorrow's Friday, it can wait.

Hope you are all well, happy and safe.....Bridg (from the trenches)

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Dancing In the Moonlight

Dancing In The Moonlight (King Harvest) courtesy of: http://www.webfitz.com/lyrics/Lyrics/1973/361973.html

We get it on most every night
When that moon is big and bright
It's a supernatural delight
Everybody's dancing in the moonlight

Everybody here is out of sight
They don't bark and they don't bite
They keep things loose, they keep it tight
Everybody's dancing in the moonlight

Dancing in the moonlight
Everybody's feeling warm and bright
It's such a fine and natural sight
Everybody's dancing in the moonlight

We like our fun and we never fight
You can't dance and stay uptight
It's a supernatural delight
Everybody was dancing in the moonlight

Dancing in the moonlight
Everybody's feeling warm and bright
It's such a fine and natural sight
Everybody's dancing in the moonlight

We get it on most every night
And when that moon is big and bright
It's a supernatural delight
Everybody's dancing in the moonlight

Dancing in the moonlight
Everybody's feeling warm and bright
It's such a fine and natural sight
Everybody's dancing in the moonlight

Not a bad song, eh world? And hola you all out there! Hope your day was sunny and your ways were fine?

My wonderful, stupendous pal Pauly is helping me to such a degree that I can't/dare not type it here yet for fear of jinxing it. But let's say that things are lighter on my shoulders today and it's all due to Pauly (MUCHO applause!!). Thank you My Dear Pal!!

OK settling down now.

Trying to anyway.

Da Boss (Mr. B) is still pressing re how goes my job search. He's behaving, but I don't think he's done a thing (at least nothing I can see/find out about). Don't know if that's good or bad, it just is. And as long as I'm not getting beaten up mentally/emotionally/whateverlly, that's fine with me.

Am very excited about the possibility of not doing any more work in the organization I"m in now. Sad about not being next door to Pauly, S and Issy but you never know in this world, that much I've come to recognize. Lovely (and man is she SMART!) Issy comes in at least two times a day, usually three, to ask me work questions but also to chat, update me on her life, etc. She is a darling.

Pauly I just can't say enough about, except that I would have been carted off to the looney bin many moons ago without my buddy Pauly. No kidding!!

S is a dear too. Have said it before, and you all must be ready to barf at reading it again, but this is a collection of earth angels. Wow. Have read about that kind of thing but never actually set eyes on one before. Wow is all that fits.

Have not heard a word from M. He may be in another city visiting family, or studying for interviews. Hope he is well and happy, whatever he's doing.

Mom is doing better, bro is looking after her too now which is great. My sister's partner's brother died of cancer a few days ago, and no one had told her (sis' partner) just how sick he was. Poor lady, I hope she'll be OK.

Slept most of last night, missed NCIS again (the only show I really like!), woke up at 10:00, went back to sleep at midnight. Man this looking for a job/doing busy work is draining.

Never fear, am taking your excellent advice to heart. For one thing, am trying to turn my house into the safe haven it was/is. Hey come to think of it, today was the first day I did not take any 'calm down' meds. They're a kind of fast acting antidepressant I was given by the doctor to take whenever I felt like I was going to have a meltdown again (i.e. cry). Think this is a good thing. One day this week, I was taking quite a few of them.

Hope this is all permanent change.

Wish I had a crystal ball (sigh).

Anyway that's all the news that's fit to print for now. Hoping for the best, keeping everything crossed to find something else.....hugs to all, Bridg

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

We're Here For A Good Time

Courtesy of: http://www.geocities.com/trooperlyrics/goodtme.htm

A very good friend of mine
Told me something the other day
I'd like to pass it in to you
Cause I believe what he said to be true
He said
We're here for a good time
Not a long time (not a long time)
So have a good time
The sun can't shine every day

And the sun is shinin'
In this rainy city
And the sun is shinin'
isn't it a pity
And every year, has it's share of tears
And every now and then it's gotta rain

We're here for a good time
Not a long time
So have a good time
The sun can't shine every day

And the sun is shinin'
In this rainy city
And the sun is shinin'
Oooooh, isn't it a pity
That every year, has it's share of tears
Every now and then it's gotta rain

We're here for a good time
Not a long time
So have a good time
The sun can't shine every day

Isn't that a COOL song?? I gotta keep this one in mind!

Well world, hope the last two days have been good to you. I haven't been shot, beheaded, defamed (that I know about) or otherwise put down/abused.

I'd say I miss it but.....

Monday I was scared s*itless to go into work, but managed. The meeting with Mr. B went fine. I had done a lot of work fast (that is normal for me, honest) and he was OK with it.

That made me even more nervous. A day without explosions means that it's coming, just not today.

Monday night Jer and I grabbed dinner at a downtown deli. Had a good chat, went to see an interview/concert of two very talented folks. One was Steve Fearing and I'll be darned if I can remember the other name: Jenny Whitley? Could that be it? Well, they were great. The thing is that with the arthritis in my feet, I can't walk all that long. Plus having two inoperably clogged arteries (and eating cheese recently, I got fed up with the years of denial) don't help. So we wound up walking much more than I can/like to get to the place (and they made us go to the front door. More walking), and I was very hot. Waited in the lobby for half an hour and was very glad to see the hard plastic seats, really. The music and company were worth it.

Then I remembered my car.

Sitting at the corner in a not too great part of town.

But the car was fine after all (TY guardian angel).

And today went fine too. He was actually nice to me. Came looking for me at 12:15 or so, and fortunately I'd said no to a proposal to go out to lunch that day. MAN am I glad that I did. Not that you aren't allowed to go out, it just was better that I was in.

Sent my cv to more dear pals, who are trying to help, bless their hearts.

There have been two other times when I decided to change jobs suddenly. Once, I"d burned out after working 95 hour weeks for four years. Got a call at 2:00 in the afternoon after I'd made that decision offering me a job. Weird. The other time, I was in this job, with a very abusive female manager (used to stamp her feet, throw things, slam doors and yell. I was in charge of calming her down. Tedious), when a friend in another organization called me up to ask for my help in completing a study. At the time, she was in my office yelling about someone else. So off I went, did the study, came back when she'd gone.

This time is different. I"m older, the community's threatened, the manager I"m leaving can be emotional and unpredictable. Have absolutely no clue where I'll wind up. Wish I had a crystal ball.

But so far so good except for my feet. And NCIS is on tonight (oh joy oh bliss!). Promise to catch up on my blog reading asap but it might take me a few days, so please don't be offended.

Also got a call from my mother's case worker. They noticed her lapses in recent memory. Said that she's depressed according to their tests (totally agree--sees herself as 'fat' when she's gaunt, isn't eating, the whole nine yards). They asked how I was. After I quit laughing, and described my job situation, they sent me a caregiver stress test. Have no idea how it turned out but I"m not expecting an A+!! Talked to my bro about it, who is rational, calm and definitely great in terms of thinking and handling things. So there are a few of us on the case now, thank heavens.

Bro, when I told him about the phone call, said that I needed that like I needed a hole in the head. My answer: yes please and aim for the frontal lobes (recent memory and emotions)!!

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Well, the past two days have been OK. That's almost a trend. S has been through much worse and somehow manages to be cool, nice and collected (MAN he's great). M I have not talked to in a couple of days but I do check in on him. Marcus (another great pal) and I talked, he is one of the best too and is helping.

So hopefully someday soon I will find a way out of Hades/Alkatraz. But I will never, ever give up my buddies. You folks reading this, but also Pauly, Jery, S, Issy, M, Marcus, Peggy....and happy 21st birthday (again), Peggy!!

Love you all ((((((hugs)))))) Bridg

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Only Yesterday

Loved the Carpenters....

Hi world, hope your Sunday went well?

We had our family birthday party and it was fine! My little sister lost 40 pounds so far on Bernstein. Sacre vache! I'm going to check it out. She looks better than she has in years. Much silliness was engaged in, thank heavens. Had dinner at 1:00 at a local restaurant, then back to Mom's for the birthday cake etc.

We have this tradition in our family....I get smart a** cards called 'Bridg' cards. Also got Bro a nice card too. My sister did the same thing, and the nephews were worried that this would be the end of the Bridg card. I had to reassure them, lol. Mom was tired after, so was I, so I just went home. Was worried for most of the day about Monday, but that wore off. Also talked to M, who helped a lot.

He said that I give Mr. B too much power. Hmmmm same thing my shrink said. OK. I was worried that he would perceive that I"m spreading the word about what he and I discussed because of all the folks in my office on Friday. That was not the case, they were just worried about how I was feeling after my first week back plus social stuff.

I had thought of mentioning that as part of our meeting on Monday. M said not to, that if he wants to know, he'll ask or say someting. Otherwise to just do my work. That makes sense to me. I'm not in charge of how this guy feels or thinks. I do know that he will make the worst assumptions possible, but if I spend the rest of my time at this place anticipating his nasty thoughts and counteracting them, (a) he'll get used to me doing it and it will/could become a game, (b) de facto it makes me obsess about his mindset, which is not mine to deal with, and lastly (c) it takes my energy from my number 1 job, finding a new job.

Does all this make sense? I'm so sick and tired of worrying and defending myself for things I have not done.

OK here are the declarations: FORGET IT!!
and, quoting the Eagles: GET OVER IT!!

OK there we go. I finished my banana (thanks Adrian) and think I'm ready for Monday.

Wish me luck world, please. Sorry for the continued theme of these entries, they're bound to change someday....hugs to all, Bridg

Smile (an old song)

Hello world! This was sent to me by a dear old pal Vic, and I wanted to share it with all of you. Thank you Vic, you have NO idea how much I needed to see this, especially the 'smile' thing at the end! Bridg

(Be sure to click on the word "smile" at the end of this list)
The most destructive habit..............................Worry
The greatest Joy.......................................Giving
The greatest loss........................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work.......................Helping others
The ugliest personality trait.....................Selfishness
The most endangered species.................Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource.......................Our youth
The greatest "shot in the arm"..................Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.........................Fear
The most effective sleeping pill................Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease....................Excuses
The most powerful force in life..........................Love
The most dangerous pariah..........................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer................The brain
The worst thing to be without.... ..................... Hope
The deadliest weapon...............................The tongue
The two most power-filled words......................."I Can"
The greatest asset......................................Faith
The most worthless emotion..........................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire..............................SMILE!
The most prized possession......................... Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication.............Prayer
The most contagious spirit.........................Enthusiasm

Everyone needs this list to live by...pass it along!!! Just click on the word "smile" below,

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Wonderful World

The Louis Armstrong version. Lovely song, that.

Hi world how goes it?

Survived a week from hell. M had said that he didn't see how I could walk back in there after being off. Me neither but I did. Went through several sessions from hell, didn't lose my cool in any of them, and came out of it feeling (a la James Bond) shaken but not stirred.

And made a decision that's been hanging over my head for a long time---to leave the insane asylum. I'm very good at what I do (sorry I don't mean to brag but they don't give awards to people in my field and I have 5 or so), this guy is a miserable failure by his own admission and all the evidence. Why stay and put myself in the line of fire (remember what'll happen in fall? THAT) for an incompetent ingrate? The group, much as I love the people in it (well except one), has been neglected, starved, put down and pushed around for many many years (the last 5 at least). In walking away, I'm leaving the management (so-called) to pull itself out of the sewer. It can't, and we all know that. My friends are safe and will continue to be so. All of them are 'new' and can't be blamed for what is to come, and all of them are in a position to easily leave if they want to. I hope we all wind up in the same place again, and soon. I love them all and will not lose contact with them (as proof, Eric, my 76 year old friend, I met in 1985. I don't let go of folks I like easily).

Anyway, back to more fun stuff, like today. Got up early (ha! at 11:00), took Mom to get her hair done, bought Peggy another present (her bd is Tuesday--actually I have a present for her at home that I forgot about), sent it by courier, got my property tax bill faxed to Toronto (due Tuesday--for some reason the tax office won't send it to my quite proper/normal bank!), got my bro his bd present and yet another card, got pet stuff (have to buy The Most Spoiled Cat In The World's food from a special store, no less), picked up Mom, did grocery shopping, unloaded both of our stuff, went to get my Mom's present to Bro (movie tickets) and went to see Batman. Just got in a few minutes ago.

Every time I started feeling scared/intimidated/heartsick over work, reminded myself "You are LEAVING!! None of this matters". Think I"m gonna make it my mantra for the time being. Need a statement like that to keep me from telling him off. It's in there, I just gotta control myself enough to shut up.

Jer has tickets to an interview with a musician friend on Monday night, bless his heart. We're going together. S is suffering from blues...no damn wonder. I wish I could blot all the pain away from his heart and replace it with happiness/love/good stuff. He is so good. So is Jery.

My life's so damn blessed by the people in it. Pauly has endless patience with me and the best advice. M is the same. Jer, Eric, S...words fail me. Jer and Pauly are rocks, true blue solid rocks. M is a recent rock, so is S. And Issy. I don't know her as well, but the goodness just shines through the pores of these folks. If you could see what I feel from them you'd be blinded. And you too, I've said it before. Raven, ZS, ann, tshsmom....the list goes on and on thank heavens. There are others I have not talked to or mentioned yet but they're there just the same. Waiting and being loving friends.

May each of you have as many of you as I do in your lives. May you know the peace, gratefulness and love that I feel for each of you. Don't ever let the little people (here I mean little as in character) ever get to you or convince you that you're less than the splendid beings that you are.



Friday, June 17, 2005

1812 Overture

Hola world. I vaguely remember typing something in one of these entries about waiting for the other shoe to fall.

And fall it did.Not loudly, but quite clearly, fully and personally. Personally on my head/butt too of course. Full of venom and out and out lies. Which I let lie, except for some enlightenments which I am sure were dismissed. I was threatened/guaranteed the ultimate punishment for revealing any of the discussion, which is why I"m not gonna discuss it here or with buds. Sorry guys but it's not really necessary. You already have a really clear picture of the lay of the land already.

Add to that: liar, sociopath, maniputative, hostile and DEFINITELY personal, and presto you have the wonder that is Mr. B.

At first, I thought that mostly insecurity was driving all of this, and that working together would clear up a lot of this crap. I'm a simple, straightforward person, surely the exposure would be good. Then I started thinking about that meant operationally. Working with someone who hates your guts on a 1 to 1 basis for days, months..having to watch my back and explain constantly ...is a mugg's game. I am not patient with stupidity, I detest guile and manipulation or any kind of head games. As far as I'm concerned, they are tools of the weak, insecure and incompetent. Definitely not me.

So after that very draining session (I am not allowed to describe what was said and I won't, ever). I think that you can lose your job over things like this and it ain't worth it.

Of course knowing him, he'll try to prove that I did. It's just part of the game. If I talk to someone in my office, I'm probably briefing him. Yah yah and delivering escort services too.

So today, having had a night to think it over, I decided in my own head to leave. I mean, is it really worth it staying another 14 years, having a knife poised over my back the whole time? Working on one of the trickiest, sure to back fire files available? Nope. Time to do something new, and the idea brightened me up like nothing else has for months. Was given some contacts and worked on them, sent cv out, and others are helping.

Feels better, but have to walk on eggshells. He is an emotional time bomb, just waiting to go off. For now, there's two days' respite. Thank you everyone who had anything to do with weekend days off. I so need them.

The work gang came in to see how I felt about my first week back, which ended today. I said "better", smiled and meant it. They on the other hand will be in crap for daring to talk to me, I will be in crap for conspiring with them. Sadly, I'm not exaggerating.

Thanks Eric, Jer, Pauly, S, Issy, M most of all, Mom, Peggy, Ravel, ZS, Undies and all. I"m falling asleep typing here so I have to stop. The meltdown happened Thursday. The resurrection happened Friday.

Oh goodie. Can't WAIT for tomorrow. Giggle.

Hugs world, Bridg

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Popcorn (the music)

Hi world! It's pouring buckets but much cooler here.

Kinda like my work world too (cooler). So far I haven't seen much of Mr. B. He was gone this am, and I think that was for a sort of job interview/talk type thing in an other organization. I'm doing some work for him as a favor (writing/revising) and it's keeping me relatively sane. Plus Pauly, Issy and S drop by regularly either about work or to yack or both. Man I love them.

Otherwise I'm a ghost. Mr. B took my name off of all the e mail distribution lists that I was on (there were many--too many). I'm very glad to be off of one certain list, because the people involved are disobeying the head honchos, who are political types. The proverbial is going to hit the fan BIG TIME in the fall. I sure don't want to be involved in it. The jokes are pouring into my home e mail addy, so there's a lot to do once I get in the door (at home). Tomorrow am is the first real work item I'm on (a meeting to hand out work). I'm torn between faking a stress seizure and being my (calm) self if I get the turkey/exploding file. On one hand, I don't want to give him any material to portray me as incompetent; however, I don't want to get the kiss of death stuff to do either. Oh well, it isn't as if my heart's in it now anyway. With M gone, even with my lovely wonderful I-love-them colleagues and friends here, it's work instead of fun now.

Well, that's how it feels this afternoon. Maybe once/if I get projects to do, it'll change.

Don't trust myself to get up on time, so I'm going into work half an hour to an hour earlier than I used to do (and going home earlier too). It was great sleeping in till noon but also a sign of how bad things were stress-wise. Usually as soon as I get home now, I fall deeply asleep until 11:00, then go to sleep again around an hour later. This has been going on since Monday. In a way, it's more stressful being at work, not doing anything and behaving myself all at the same time. Plus not having any say in the situation is very stressful.

Can't believe that he hasn't yelled at, beheaded or done something awful to me yet. He did say some outrageous and negative things about some work I did when we first talked. I knew he was lying, and just sat there. No reply, no retort, no change in expression, I just waited for him to get to the point. It was an amazing feeling, and I think it's what led to the more civilized talk later on that day. Still can't get over it.

As was the case in Derik/1-2-3-I-love-you's case, we too have Spanish-speaking care staff at work but they don't play the same instrument(s) in public. Ours are from El Salvador. One in particular, a great guy, was trying to teach M and I how to speak Spanish. Me, I'm into French. There's a similarity between the two languages, but he told me that I speak Spanish with a French accent, which is hilarious. Anyway today I mentioned to him that M is gone. He waxed philosophical with me, which was cool (he's very bright). The talk turned to religion somehow and that was OK too.

It is so cool, and odd, how many folks who have been supportive or comforting have also been spiritual when talking to me about this. It's hard to miss when it happens often in a short period of time.

Called M today too and chatted most of the way home. His wife, who's been retired for years, has been waiting for him to go on vacation for a LONG time. The tasks that poor man has to do are daunting (like digging up six trees, planting replacements, cutting three acres' worth of grass). It was great to hear his voice again.

But to quote one of those irritating Sex in the City types, I can't help wondering what the point of all this was and where it is going. On a personal level, maybe I did get too close to M.....which led to overdependence on him? What is certain is that I learned a lot about control from him and from studying I did while I was off. Am more (not totally mind you) able to turn emotion off when needed. And it feels good.

The situation is too unstable for where I am to continue as it is now. Just can't see it lasting. Can't believe that Mr. B is still around, especially given his frustrations and stress with the job--much less managing a pretty high quality team (with his insecurities). And the fact that he is very close to being able to retire (but he won't want to with a bad taste in his mouth/bad impression of him left, and that appears to be the current situation if I'm reading it properly).

Having not stood up for M in his hour of need, would they (the big shots in our organization) replace Mr. B (if/when he goes) with M? M doubts it. I'm not sure. M wanted to build a dream team, and he did in our group (not necessarily including myself in that last one!). Isn't it odd for him not to be working with the team that he put together? What the heck was/is the point?

M and I both think that this organization is in to get its big butt kicked and kicked hard about its inactivity on a major political hot potato soon (by fall at the latest). This will not be a good place to be in a few months because of that. If you've seen the move "The Day After Tomorrow", you'll have some idea of what I'm talking about. The repercussions will be big, loud and nasty.

I have some ideas of where it would be good to be, but don't dare say it for fear it won't happen. There are opportunities there at M's level and usually that's followed by ones at mine.

Sorry for droning on an on about this speculation. I promise to quit talking/writing about it now.

So all appears well. Am waiting for the other shoe to fall but trying to be positive about it.

It's a toughie, folks!

The Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe is not sick anymore, thank heavens. Mom is doing fine, and the older of my two bros (the one who is not married to a hellion and who has two great sons) has a birthday tomorrow (52). Family party time! Imagine five 13 year olds (in 50+ year old bodies) all celebrating together at the same time. Yep. It drives the in-laws crazy, and I'm proud to say that both nephews have inherited the silly gene. They are 21 and 20.

Greg (neighbor) arranged for the roof guys to give me an estimate by next week at the latest. Yay.

OK am off to make dinner since Smokey won't do it for me, the ingrate. Also laundry......big hugs all around, Bridg

Monday, June 13, 2005

The Mentos Theme

Can't get that jingle out of my mind. Hi world, how goes it?

Well, I have never been more scared of anything in my life. And it went OK..actually pretty well. Was so relieved that I came home and crashed. Just woke up.

Had two meetings with Mr. B. Both lasted half an hour. The first one in the morning was kinda grumpy, and he said some things about work (mine) (and negative) that I did not agree with at all, but I let it go. Let all of it go, let him talk.

He had to go to a meeting, and we set another time up. I was in agony waiting (it was at 2:00). Could barely make my feet/legs move to get there, but S had dropped by to talk and walked me most of the way there, and gave me a pat before I went to that office. This second talk went well. Mr. B sat next to me, described some reengineering work he wants to do, then expressed frustration (personal type) and I sympathized with him. All of it was genuine too. Two things stick out in my mind: one, that he was genuinely upset, very similar to how I was prior to taking a month off; and two, that he told me that he took last week off to relax because he does not make good decisions when he's stressed (with a significant glance at me). I'm not sure if he's referring to M or to me or both, but I appreciate what he said.

It was an exercise in all I had read in the last few days about controlling feelings/reactions. I did what Eric advised me to do. One was the deep breathing, the second was to remember his advice about fighting (arguing). And the result was excellent--Mr. B and I actually talked. And I didn't feel bad afterwards for the first time in three years (no exaggeration).

My friends at the office were terrific. Poor Pauly, I must have driven him crazy. Was in his office for quite some time this a.m., and he patiently listened and helped. S was there for most of it too, patted my knee (isn't that sweet?, really it's amazing how good a gesture like that feels) and listened too. And Issy came by to see how I was, bless her heart. After the 2:00 meeting, the guys came in to see how it went. Pauly beamed and said 'you're back' and gave me a big hug. S gave me another pat.

I love these guys, and you unseen folks too, for all of your support, friendship and love.

I know it isn't over. Stress being what it is, the whole thing could change in an instant. But what we do have is a good beginning.

M said that even if he gets a job offer while he's on vacation (now--he took 10 weeks off), he'd go into work, hire me, and then go on vacation again.

The goodness, kindness and love in these people is humbling and so nourishing. I cherish each and every one of them and you too--particularly Raven, Eric, Tshsmom, Steph, Zombieslayer, Adrian, Kris and ALL of you--if I typed each name I'd have to be much more awake than I am right now.

Here's hoping that things stay on an even keel for the next few months.

Sending you all the biggest thank-you hug you've ever had, Bridg

Sunday, June 12, 2005

In The Lion's Den

It's the place where I've grown these past 14 years.

Started off knowing nothing (much), selected by a wise and compassionate man who needed an analytical brain and people skills in his group. At the time, the group's production was low, its external communications virtually nil.

Who did the man hire? A middle aged woman recuperating from traumatic treatment at the hands of several brutal managers, known throughout the community for their viciousness. A woman who wanted to return to analysis, people work and writing. Who had a good, reliable reputation for those skills.

She remained there for over a decade, building knowledge, sharing it with others, and winning five awards in the process over the years. Raising the profile of the group by daily communications, working in cross-organization groups, and mainly by being herself.

There is a downside to this picture. Competence and strength can be interpreted as threatening by the insecure. Patience and time solved most of these issues.

Now, a new, clever yet highly insecure and angry force rules the organization in which she works. Overcome by exhaustion (caused by four months' of 3 hours' nightly sleep) and fear (with the latest and most knowledgeable of the managers having been removed), she was ordered to rest. Today she contemplates tomorrow's return, knowing that the cia (clever, insecure, angry) does not welcome her return, and that showing any emotion will only serve to inflame his emotions.

He is angry. He does not like or trust her. And he is her boss.

Anger's root is fear. Fear has many causes, chief among them lack of information. Perhaps a closer working relationship will resolve the situation, at least temporarily. At the moment, each is fearful of the other.

Fourteen years is a long time to work in any one area. She is six years away from retirement; he, one to two years. She must be patient, she must learn to suppress quick retorts and emotional reactions. A trusted friend of longstanding recently reminded her that the objective is to win, not fight. She does not want to fight, she wants to work. He likely wants to dominate and control, be assured of her obeisance.

Whether working in the immediate environment or waiting for job opportunities to develop, she must be patient, she must work hard, she must take orders while remaining within the boundaries of the policies involved. She cannot depend on others to resolve the situation or rescue her, she herself must structure the tools and paths.

This is a life lesson.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Only The Lonely

Only the Lonely
The Motels
courtesy of http://www.afn.org/~afn30091/songs/m/motels-only.htm

We walked the loneliest mile
We smiled without any style
We kiss altogether wrong
No intention
We lied about each others drinks
We lived without each other thinkin'
What anyone would do
Without me and you

It's like I told you
Only the lonely can play

So hold on here we go
Hold on to nothin' we know
I feel so lonely way up here
We mention the time we were together
So long ago,
well I don't remember
All I know is that it makes me feel good now


Yup you're right world, I watched that thing on one hit wonders and MAN I liked everything. Today (Saturday) it is beastly hot. You could literally fry an egg ANYWHERE outside yikes. I love a/c. Didn't wake up till noon, didn't get dressed till nearly 3:00 and then rushed through the chores (groceries, gassing up the car) like mad. Can't imagine how bad/hot it was earlier.

Miss Smokey's still fine (whew) but just in case her food made her sick, I threw the whole carton of cans out, bought two new ones and rushed home to the a/c before getting my own groceries. OK she's a little spoiled but worth every bit of it.

Lots of not so smart driving out there, could not wait to get back home. Guess the heat makes folks sluggish or detracts them from things like the traffic light having turned green 6 cars ago? Oh well, no one's perfect (but do they have to be in front of me?).

Did get lots of DVDs, mostly stuff I've seen and liked a lot, so that I can relax and forget about Monday, because that I am afraid of still a bit. Have had enough time to panic my head off and get past it, but every once in a while fear raises its ugly head. It's getting smaller tho.

Have a movie question or two for ya:
1-what's your fave movie of all time?
2-what did you think of Sideways?
3-what did you think of/do you plan to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith?

Just curious.

Took a quiz on someone site and was pegged as (a) a husky pup (I wanted to be a collie) and (b) Yoda.

Talk about identity crisis.

Anyhow, off to veg and cool off, hopefully get a little calmer.

Hope your world's cooler than mine, sunny and fair (i.e. easygoing).


It's a New Day and I'm Feelin' Fey

OK only the first part of that was a song title, the version by Bryan Adams (YUM).

Things went so well today I'm wondering when the roof is going to fall in.

No kidding.

First, my cute neighbor two doors down found a well established roofer, BBB member, who will do the roof for $2800. He had heard that I was at home on leave, felt sorry for me, and offered to take care of getting the guy in to do the estimates (also noting that having a guy make the arrangements avoids the 'female tax'. You know, the added $s that get tacked on to a lot of things because the folks involved--not all of them but some--figure that women are idiots? Yah that one).

OK so that's the roof taken care of, and by cash no less, thanks to the bank catching the double property tax deductions.

Finally caught up with my union rep this afternoon, who checked into whether or not I need to be worried/paranoid about my first day back at work, and he asked the person copied on the 'get a note' e mail (the discipline/harassment/whatever lady). Answer was no. Not sure I"m buying that one, but the two folks involved in the discussion were very frank with each other. So far so good.

Also photocopied the check that the parking lot man cashed in February and gave the whole mess to the collection folks. Now THEY can deal with him and I'm out of the whole mess, and I got a receipt so that he can't bother me again. Hopefully.

Then caught Mr. and Mrs. Smith. KEWL movie! Lots of action; Angelina Jolie is fantastic. Brad Pitt is good for him (I wasn't fussy about Troy). If you have a hearing problem, this movie will make it worse. I'd give it 8 potatoes out of 10. But if you're into deep meaningful social comment, well don't bother reading this blog (lol) or going to this movie!

All today we've been building up to a storm. It rained during the movie, and now the sun's shining brightly and the sky's clearing.

The Most Spoiled Cat In The World was sick (the Imodium kind of sick) this a.m. but appears to be better now.

The woman who was going to offer me a job will probably get a promotion to another place. Think I mentioned this yesterday. She said she'd offer me something there if I'd like to go, which is very kind of her. It could also open up a place for M. And me. Either way is OK with me, depends on how unbearable things are on Monday+.

Given how tulmultuous things have been lately, do you blame me for looking over my shoulder a bit?

Still, it is all good. Thank you God, thank you friends. For however long it lasts, this chance to catch my breath is great.

gratefully, Bridg

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Angels and Blessings In Disguise

OK so it's not a song title, it is the theme of the day/week/hour.

I'm finding out about friendship, and I think it has to do with life's trials. It's easy to be or to attract friends when things are on an even keel--everyone knows that. Wait until the road gets bumpy, then look around to see who's there. Chances are, you will find angels in the form of friends (two and four legged variety) that you never noticed before. When others shrink back or disappear, don't condemn them. They just aren't ready to deal with whatever it is yet.

In yesterday's travails, I found a real angel in the banking lady (Rita). She gave me fantastic financial AND personal advice, which restored my belief in our mutual religion. She also found a major financial mistake, which resulted in me being able to pay for re-doing my roof in cash, and eliminated a 'plastic burden'--demon really, that needed to be excised for many moons. That was wonderful! I left the bank with a much better cash flow, a dead demon, and cash to pay for the roof (in my book, $3500 is a lot to come up with 'on demand'. But we did).

Today a friend of very long standing, Eric, gave me some very good advice on how to handle attempted button pushing that I am definitely going to use. Another earth-angel, Jery, asked how he could help me. God bless the both of you. And there is my Mom, who's having a minor problem or two with her cat that we settled early this morning. And there are others, like M (life saver, integrity itself), Pauly (my rock), S, Doris, Raven and Undies, ZS, Red, and please don't be offended if your name isn't on this list, I'm typing very quickly--be assured that you name is in my heart. All you earth angels are worth more than your weight in gold, and I do not for a minute think that it is co-incidence that you're in my life right now. Also the four footed angel Smokey, who always knows when I need to be comforted.

The blessings in disguise part? Probably that this is a good time to leave where I am now. Have no idea where I will be ultimately, but anywhere is better than working with someone who has no use for me or my profession, right? Isn't it better to be/work where you're wanted, instead of trying to appease? If it had not been for this current dark cloud, I would not have gone to the bank, would not have found $3900, wouldn't have fixed the tax mistake, would not have met Rita, would not have gotten the wisdom and guidance of a very experienced and wise man (Eric) or gotten the reassurance and support of all of you that I have. Yes these are blessings beyond measure. It also taught me humility, acceptance of love (accepting love--even friend love--has been an issue of mine)--so many things that they are beyond naming.

Thank you all so very very much. Change hurts, but the outcome is always good, even if it is hard/hurtful in transition.

Love, Bridget

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Saturday Night In Toledo Ohio

Those John Denver fans among us may know of this song (courtesy of http://sniff.numachi.com/~rickheit/dtrad/pages/tiTOLEDO.html):
Saturday Night in Toledo, Ohio(Randy Sparks)

Saturday night in Toledo Ohio
Is like being nowhere at all
All through the day, how the hours rush by
You sit in the park, and you watch the grass die

Oh, but after the sunset, the dusk and the twilight
When shadows of night start to fall
They roll back the sidewalks precisely at ten
And the people who live there are not seen again.

Just two lonely truckers from Great Falls, Montana
And a salesman from places unknown
All huddle together in downtown Toledo
To spend their big night all alone

You ask how I know of Toledo, Ohio,
Well, I spent a week there, one day
They've got entertainment to dazzle your eyes
Go visit the bakery and watch the buns rise
Oh, but let's not forget that the folks of Toledo
Unselfishly gave us the scale
"No springs, honest weight."That's the promise they made
So smile and be thankful next time you get weighed
And live and let live
Let that be our motto
Let's let the sleeping dogs lie
And here's to the dogs of Toledo, Ohio
Ladies, we bid you goodbye.

Why am I thinking of this song? Heaven only knows.

Went to the md today, who wrote that I'm medically fit to go to work on June 13. So I guess I"m still on medical leave until then.

This is fun.


Oh damn. Found out that the person cc'd on my 'get a note' e mail from Mr. B is in charge (among other things) of disciplinary action. So I guess I"m really in for it when I get back. He demanded the meeting be on (last) Friday.

Told the collection people about Mr. Idiot who's been paid at least twice in the month he claimed that I didn't pay him, and that I am getting the checks sent to me in 3 days, so I"ll have proof and HE will owe ME (on top of having to pay them). The collection people laughed and were thrilled. Turns out Mr. Idiot is now driving THEM nuts.

Then went to the bank, consolidated a lot of debts and got rid of a trouble some piece of plastic. An absolutely fabulous lady helped me. She found out:

1-that I have double paid my property taxes for a year; and
2-while switching banks, the property tax people ignored my notice of change of bank, decided that I was in arrears for taxes and were going to seize my house and I had no notice at all that this was going on (they'd tried to keep taking my taxes from a closed account).

Almost had several heart attacks today and now I'm well not very happy, let's put it that way. At least I have cash to pay for the blinking roof work that doesn't need to be done (condo command).

And the sun is out. It was thunderstorming this morning, which is cool, the temperature has cooled down and all is pretty and bearable temp-wise outside.

But another day like this will put me six feet under for sure.

Someone make it go away!

Oh well at least I'm not twins.

Bridg (hiding under the covers)

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I'm Your Captain

OK world, put your hands together for Grand Funk Railroad!!

It was steamy hot here again today. Took my mother to get her eyes examined (they do that every 6 months when you have glaucoma) and waited, took her home, then went to lunch with Z, M and Pauly. They all were a sight for sore eyes, especially M. Not just how he looked, which was gorgeous as usual, it was his face, how it lights up when he's excited in what he's talking about, how he laughs...it's so energizing. Mr. B can't hold a candle to him.

Z would not stop talking (I mean nonstop). She's very concerned about the field that I'm in and how the profession is being treated or how it will evolve in our organization, given that M is gone and that I have more than one foot out of the door. But still 2 hours of chatter is a lot, especially when she kept focussing on things that got me very unnerved. Finally I had to say something and I did (you're making me feel bad"). And then she dove right back in but caught herself.

M and I just wanted to talk. Alone. Nothing romantic, just to talk. So we did, over coffee. He warned me that Mr. B has an agenda against me, and that it will never decrease because the man never cools off, he just gets madder and madder no matter how much time elapses. M's advice was, when the going gets nasty, to just say that it looks like things are not going to go well between us, so I'm going to concentrate on finding another organization to work in, and in the meantime I'll support him to the best of my abilities. M and I hugged bye. I almost backed into a truck leaving. It wasn't my fault that I didn't hit him. That's how unnerved/upset I was about the topic of conversation (Mr. B and how he will likely get Bridg). Next time it'll just be Pauly, M and me. I love Z, she's just far too emotional right now for me to deal with in the state that I"m in (whatever that is--high strung?).

I hope that I have the strength to do that re Mr. B. Without crying, etc. M also feels that Mr. B is trying to lay the groundwork for calling me unstable, etc., so I will really have to play it cool. I hate feeling one way and acting another but will. M reiterated his promise to hire me asap wherever he goes. He is counting on 1 of 2 jobs although 4 and now possibly 5 are open. Wow. Wish I was that good. I'm a teckie, not a manager. But usually teckie jobs come open after manager jobs are staffed, so I am hoping. I did pick up a few contact names to call on today.

Once I got home (unscathed), got some good and bad news. Good news: the bank approved a consolidation loan for me. Bad news: I got a notice that the parking lot nut (the one who kept losing my cheques and says I owe him $180) sent me a notice threatening to take me to court unless they get $$ in 48 hours and for me to 'govern myself appropriately'. That last bit is hilarious. The further good news is that I tracked down all the money I gave this idiot, and I actually paid him twice in February, so he owes me money. This should be good. I will confirm with the bank tomorrow. If I"m right, he'll have to pay me and the collection agency he sic'd on me.

And speaking of tomorrow, tomorrow a.m. is when I have to go see my shrink to get an "Bridg can go back to work now" note. In the history of stupid management, this has got to rank right up there. I'm back to Imodium, nosebleeds and nausea again. Thanks doc, I really need this. Well maybe this is a karmic payback or lesson in patience and control. I'll try to look at it as the latter.

All of the rhodos and azaleas are blooming YUM. Goatsbeard almost ready to bloom. Ferns are growing like mad. Spent some time watering everything and of course got drenched in the process, but at least the hose stuff is out there now. Has anyone else noticed that the mosquitoes are the size and temperment of teradactyls? WOW the suckers are huge this year. Ok you lazy birds--manga!!

Well world, am getting very sleepy. Thank you all of my readers for your words of encouragement. I need and welcome every one of them. Am dreading Monday like you would not believe but am trying not to think about it. Tomorrow may join a gym or just start walking.

Hugs, Bridg