Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

(Just An) Illusion

Searching for a destiny that's mine
there's another place another time.
Touching many hearts along the way yeah
hoping that I'll never have to say
It's just an illusion
Follow your emotions anywhere
is it really magic in the air?
Never let your feelings get you down.
Open up your eyes and look around
It's just an illusion
Could it be
it's just an illusion
putting me
in all this confusion?
Could it be that it's just an illusion?
Could it be that it's just an illusion
putting me
in all this confusion?
Could it be a picture in my mind?
Never sure exactly what I'll find.
Only in my dreams I turn you on.
Here for just a moment then you're gone.
It's just an illusion - illusion - illusion.

Hey world, isn't this a great song? Well phooey I think so! Sexy rhythm and all that.

Today M told the gang (our little gang) about his leaving. Pauly gave him a thank you that brought the man to tears. It was so very hard to be there. He is probably not going to be in the office for the next two days, which will probably be absolute and utter hell for me and the rest of us. Me in particular since I'm usually the target of TLT's spleen.

Got a job offer today, thanks to Pauly. He talked to our old boss who now works in another place, and although we both have our faults, she offered an assignment. TLT probably won't let me go on it, but maybe it can be turned into something that he can't argue with. It could mean a $7K annual cut for me but it's worth it to get away from that place.

Will miss Pauly like hell, not to mention the other folks. I do already. Started mentally separating last week from the work..which is quite demanding. There is only one team that could pull this work off and it needs me and M. It would be so groundbreaking..but guess I should not go there. M will know more next week about other possibilities (not involving pay cuts).

I hate being in this position but am so fervently glad for having an option. The new/old boss is friends with a woman who is even more insane than TLT and who blames me for her losing her job (had TLT's job) but I have to trust someone, and the fire's just too hot where I am now. Got 'asked' to go to meetings with TLT today. Several of them. I have to go and I hate it.

This is killing me. Am not sleeping at all now. Have gone through two bottles of Advil, 4 boxes of Imodium and four prescriptions of Imovane (oh yes and two bottles of Maalox tablets) in the last four months.

Oh quit whining Bridg.

Thank you all for your moral support, couldn't last without it, let me tell you. I'm more grateful than words can say.

Have learned some things:
  • Some folks can be your friends even when you don't know them or don't know it;
  • No matter how much you like the organization you're in, no matter how much you love your job and colleagues-- if the boss is a jerk you are in deep do-do;
  • It's possible to go face-to-face with someone you neither respect nor like, take orders and be totally impassive and silent;
  • It's easy to trade income for peace (at least for me) even if you're over your ass in debt;
  • Seeing a friend hurt is physically harmful;
  • Pauly, S, Issy, Marc and M are friends to the end and I adore, love, respect and cherish them to the ends of the earth. Lester and Jery too. Not one word of exaggeration there either (and S you mean a hell of a lot too although we have not known each other as long--somethings just click);
  • My friends' (see above) voices are very very soothing, even if they just read the phone book to me, the sounds work magic;
  • I love my family and they love me (broke or not, hurt or not); and
  • I can pack an office (mine) in less than an hour if I'm really pissed.

Hope some of you got a giggle out of that last one. I did pack all the visible trappings of Bridg from my office today. There is a SH*TLOAD of stuff in the drawers, but I just wanted to get a flying start.

Can't believe the speed with which this stuff is happening. I could arrange for S to leave/find shelter, but I don't think that will be needed. The strange thing is that even tho it's only been a few days, I've become very attached to seeing him every day. He also has one of those voices, and the way that he thinks, analyses and reacts to things is just sublime. He's truly one of us (Pauly, me, Marc, M) as is Issy. The compatability and congeniality is amazing among us all. It's so harmonious, so peaceful and could have been (oh GOD those words pull on my heartstrings) so damn invigorating and good for all of us oh well (gotta stop thinking along these lines or I'LL start crying next). But sh*t it makes me ticked knowing how good this team is.

There's a rumor that TLT is gonna retire in less than a year. I hope to high heavens that this is true. That could mean a short exile. But you never know, we could all wind up in the same place somewhere else.

What I do know is that I absolutely love these folks and that will never change.

Hugs, world...Bridg

2 Comments:

  • At 5/04/2005 08:21:00 PM, Blogger .: raven :. said…

    hey you .. sounds like an emotional day.

    i'm not sure what thoughts to share. i agree with you though .. peace of mind is way more important than dollar signs .. i took about a $25,000 in pay for that very thing. i struggle ... but it is worth it. i'm too old to be so stressed just for the almighty dollar ... i'd rather be happy and enjoying what i do.

     
  • At 5/04/2005 08:29:00 PM, Blogger Bridget Jones said…

    Hi Raven, yah it was. I just re-read my own post and it sure sucks. Sorry 'bout that.

    I'll have to get back to smart-assery soon. Am on the verge of pouring honey into TLT's hard drive but no matter what I do, everyone will know who did it. Damn. I'm just too subtle.

    Glad I'm not the only one who makes decisions like that. Hey you've gotta be younger than I am (53)! If you can I can.

    My sister and I were just talking about how we could leave our estates (heh heh heh assuming Visa leaves me one) in such a way as to piss off some of our relatives that we don't like. Both of us are not all that ummm jockette like and have very high stress jobs so we figure...well, anyway, I decided to create a Society to Persecute Assholes (SPA) and endow it.

    just kidding just kidding

    but man what a fantasy....

    there's also that fantasy about starting a pie assassin company.

    Bridg

     

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