Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

The Sign

Just can't get that song out of my head tonight. Must be the lack of other contents...heh. Don'tcha love Ace of Base?

Raining again here all day. Well, it's still cool enough that there are no bees (I am scared to death of even buzzing, which makes it great weather for gardening even if it's raining. It's one of God's little jokes that gardening is one of my few hobbies) and no mosquitoes. So tomorrow I'm putting down fertilizer and 14 bags (3 cubic litres each--that's a LOT) of mulch when it shows up between 3:00 and 5:00. Finally sprounted a brain this year and decided to let someone else's car get punished by the weight.

While I was at it, got a new bed lamp (a much bigger one so that now I can actually have enough light to read) and (get this) a small statue of St. Francis of Assisi to put in the garden. They thanked me enthusiastically when I left the garden centre. Hell, for what I paid, they should have carried me to my car on their shoulders! I really like that place. They have such great stuff and nice people (cute guys)!

Love getting rid of money I don't have.

Hope St. F annoys Emmi!

Oh Bridg you are evil.

And broke.

Anyway, also took Mom out for errands, did some of mine. After lunching out, took her home and Terr calls (little Sis). We decide to make it a girls' night out at the movies and went to see the new Triple X movie. IT IS FANTASTIC!!!! Do not waste your time on that limp Sideways. This (XXX) is definitely an action movie fan's movie. Much better than the original XXX. Trust me. Restored my faith in movie makers. Makes James Bond look lame.

That means tomorrow is income tax time, but hey maybe I'll get it done fast (p.s. I suffer from math anxiety). Also got the income tax software, so I don't have to run to the headquarters post office tomorrow before midnight. At the place where I bought it, a very cute and flirty guy works every Saturday. Married of course, aren't they all? I didn't even say hi to him (he was with someone) but he ran to where I was and asked to help, although there were two other salesclerks there. *Grin sparkle*. Made my day, I tell ya!

Tomorrow's also soup making day...don't know why that popped into my head...

Sis is on some kind of diet. Now I HAVE to do something! I don't want to be the only fat one!!

Night world....off to read in bed (oh joy oh bliss)! Hugs, Bridg

Friday, April 29, 2005

Far From Over

Hi World, HAPPY FREAKIN' FRIDAY YIPPEE YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Boy today was a roller coaster ride through the sewer and back up to the sun. Woke up at 8:17. Have to be in to work by 9:00 (ha ha ha) and it takes a good 45 minutes with traffic to get there unless you drive like a maniac (ahem). Didn't even do breakfast, just got the h*ll into the car and somehow got there by 9:20. Veeery sleepy. Walking into my own office when I got accosted by the admin assistant, actually one of four handmaidens to TLT.

Grinning, I asked "What I'd do now?". Turns out nothing (yet) but something ELSE urgent hit the fan, they needed my feedback for some reason (since TLT is convinced that I"m an idiot, I can't see why this would matter) by 11:00 and M wasn't in yet (usual state of affairs).

Sat down, looked at it, did the comments, got coffee. At 10:50 found another TLT e mail time stamped 9:31 saying 'please see me asap re this'. Called M on his cell, he is 10 minutes from work. Am I going into see Little Hitler by myself? NOT ON YOUR LIFE. Started working on the document TLT sent me, and guess who saunters into my office? Yep. Says " did you see my e mail?". I reply 'just after I finished the 11:00 urgent thing and I"m working on it now'. We had a bit of an exchange, not overtly hostile. I inform him that M is coming in in 10 minutes. He leaves and walks right by M's office, which M is in by this time--doesn't talk to him (so what's so damn urgent?). Odd. I call, then go see, M. Himself (TLT) came right into M's office, went and got us coffees, we talked about what to do, and (of course it's my work) I start doing it. But something's wrong. TLT is nice. Buys us coffee. Doesn't do any accusing. Damn weird.

OK to make an already too long story short, work got done, process mapped, stupid f*ckup by TLT gets fixed by Bridg and M. And it is a huge hairy multimillion dollar high profile deal. But we're both so tired we really don't give a rat's patoot.

Think that the guy who's interested in hiring M (and me! and me!) called TLT to check it out with him last night. Must have scared the guy because if M leaves, Bridg leaves (we are joined at the hip so to speak), and with M's leaving also goes any hope of pulling the multimillion dollar thing out of the sewer. It would be public, high profile and very loud (I would not go quietly and he knows it). Plus without M, he's dead, and I'm the only one in the whole group who knows where things are, what was done when, why and by who (unfortunately this is not an exaggeration. I'm the last of us). So perhaps he saw the wisdom of playing it nice/human.

Whatever. Just glad the stupidity stopped, even if it is temporary. Even gladder that things are back on the rails. Wonder how long it'll hold.

Changing to another topic, have to do my 2003 income tax by tomorrow night. This should be fun. Also will prob need to take Mom shopping and I'm dying to cook something (soup probably).

I asked M if he's happy with the results of his 'testing' of me (my attitude towards him). He laughed, said it was 'checking', not 'testing', and he'd noticed that I seem comfortable with how things are going. Asked if he was, he replies 'oh yes very' enthusiastically and with a grin. Weird thing is, it's true. There was a time.....(ahhh let it go Bridg). But it's past. Can't imagine what's up ahead but there is something up ahead. Guess the journey's the point. I sure enjoy being with him, and it was torture having a crush on him. I don't miss that pain. Do wish I'd known him in another way sort of, but then we wouldn't have what we have now (whatever it is) and I have to admit that it's fantastic. We are so great together. If there'd been anything physical I'm not sure it would have gone that way afterward. It was so damn intense that it could not have lasted, so we would not have stayed in each other's lives. And I do want him in it, he's just so cool.

So is Pauly, dammit. He's thinking of retiring, and I will miss our talks like hell. We'll still have them, it'll just be different. When things are great, you don't want them to change. He is so much fun and so supporting and great....

Boy I've got it good. An idiot for senior manager but when you think of how good things are at ground level....

It hurts ME when TLT attacks M. Some days I feel like a guard dog being held back on a leash. Today though wound up less hard. At the end of the day M and I spent at least 1.5 hours talking, if not more. We both felt great afterwards.

I'm so relieved now it's hard to stay awake. Know what I mean?

Those guys are dearer to me than my own self. I'm so grateful to know them.

World, hope you have pals as good and true as these guys. Really.

Am getting growled at by She Who Sheds (the Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe). Must run....hugs, Bridg

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Laugh Laugh, I Thought I'd Cry (It Seemed So Funny To Me)

Hey world! Hope your day was fascinating, fun, felicitious and not f*cked-up?

Well, as you've come to expect, mine was the latter, but the results are so good it's hard to believe!

TLT, as I expected, grabbed me in the a.m. (M was at a meeting), and got me to do some lists. Not analysis, not a proposal (which is what his boss would have wanted--I know because I worked in that world for 15 years)...no just a list. In time for a meeting to which he MIGHT be invited in the afternoon.

He had been asked to lead our organization's work in that area two weeks ago. Mr. Macho backed off quickly, saying no no he'd support other folks.

Except, dear world, the thing he backed away from is the very thing we specialize in.

Nice going, dimwit.

Soooooo I get the list done (using scraps, and I mean scraps, of info), call M, he rushes back and does the proposal anyway--knowing what is needed.

So does Da Man (TLT) get invited to the meeting?

Nope.

So what is our role in this HUGE, multi million dollar project--our speciality?

None. Thanks to TLT.

This was too much for M, who has (a) a brain, (b) integrity, (c) a spine and best of all (d) career opportunities. He informed Boy Genius that he is not prepared to stay in his current job if we are not actively involved in meaningful work in this area. He didn't say this, but he has (a) an expression of interest from another org in hiring him and (b) a meeting with these people tomorrow. He also promised to take me with him (this is an area I have operational experience in also).

Pauly too I hope, but Pauly's sounding unsure. He will leave also but probably for somewhere else. THAT would break my heart, we are the BEST team. Bar none. I hope he changes his mind. But I won't work one day without M there. TLT is far too vicious to bother with. I"d have his butt on harassment charges on my first day without M.

No kidding. I've got plenty of grounds.

And then TLT can be King of his own little planet, hands on hips, squawking and scratching like Foghorn Leghorn for all I care.

It would be great to have senior management that isn't actively sabotaging you, trying to control you at every turn, undermining your work. We've had *ssholes here for the past six years. It would be wonderful to have bosses who actually WANT you to do your job. I am, unfortunately, not exaggerating here.

M says that the new senior manager is a good, kind, supportive person. I am trusting him, and leaving the devil behind.

Thank heaven.

Devil-butt will be left with several millions of dollars' worth of studies, no staff to do them, some fairly challenging deadlines, and no interest on anyone's part whether the work gets done or not other than his boss, who will be royally pissed.

Poetic justice, I'd say.

Good show!

Wish us luck, world. It's gonna be an interesting couple of weeks....Bridg

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Bah Bah Black Sheep

OK she's flipped. Turned to nursery rhymes. Oh well what can I say world? It's a nursery school kind of day.

Want to hear about the kind of guy (M) I work for? We had a stupid document to approve that had some major flaws. According to advice we got, it would not be right to approve it, but the folks who wrote it are cramming it through the system and it 'had' to be approved by us by 9:00 a.m. I asked M if we should hold our nose and approve it. He said no.

We went home.

Next morning (this am) was the 9:00 day. He had to go to a meeting elsewhere that was going on all day starting at 8:30. This is a guy who has a hard time getting in for 10:00. I made a comment the night before that TLT would be gunning for me for our not approving the document by 9:00 (good excuse to yell at me, since M wouldn't be there to protect me/run interference. I am not kidding, this is what that turd is like). Anyway, M comes into the office EXTRA EXTRA early, got the missing info, approved the document AND paid for my morning coffee (before I got there) and didn't even get any for himself..then he went off to the all day meeting.

Isn't that a terrific person? I mean WOW.

On top of that, by the time we saw each other, it was around 4:00. There he is, black jacket, grey pants, open neck black shirt and tons of chest fur (all white). A sight few human females could resist, let me tell you.

No kidding, I really really am over the hormonal reaction (despite what I just typed) to him and have been for a while. It's moved onto something a lot deeper but I can't describe what it is. Feels like .....twin sister-ish? Know that saying (OK it's Biblical) 'flesh of my flesh'? Well that's what it feels like. Separated at birth. Suffice it to say, it's very close, very deep, but non-sexual. Sounds dumb, feels a bit confusing, but what can I tell ya, it's the truth. He has a few flaws (not as many as I do!) but they are nowhere near as numerous or as important as his good points, and the longer and better I get to know him, the more I like him. He is the genuine article. What could I possibly do to for him in return? Damned if I can figure it out. M's just so good it's humbling. Have you ever known any one like that, world? If so, congrats, and how do you handle it?

TLT talked to M at the meeting, being nice to him to make up for yesterday's stupidity. Up and down, up and down. The one thing that's predictable is that man's extreme moodiness and unfairness. There is not one helpful bone in his body, certainly not a constructive one. I hope that the poor dear M can continue to put up with this horseshit. I wouldn't, but M is so much more mature than I am. I'm learning from him but I'll never be as good as he is.

OK I must be nauseating you. Back to some other stuff....

Mom doing OK. I can't believe that the same woman who lets all kinds of strangers INTO HER HOUSE, more than once, can pass a memory test and intelligence test with flying colors, but she did. This is damn odd. Anyone else had something like that happen in their experience? How did you cope with it aside from slamming your head against a wall?

Speaking of violence, wore a new pantsuit to work, got gummy grease on it from a table. Took it to the dry cleaners. They not only didn't get it off at all, they wore the fabric down to mere threads *urge to scream*.

Well, world, off to study French pronouns. Yep I've taken this before, forgot some of it, and am taking it yet again to brush up on my French (am now taking lessons two times a week). M told someone today that I"m bilingual but just don't speak it enough. The person he said it to, LaB (have to give her a new name now that she's being nice) said that she heard me speaking French to someone else and I"m good (awwwww TY folks that is encouraging, really). Anyway am tired of forgetting words and now that I am one of very few English speaking people around, am going to practiquer mes buns off (now THAT's bilingual!).

Night world! Don't dry clean your pants!

Bridg

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

What Would I Have To Do?

Let's hear it for Donna Summer, world!

"What would I have to do
To get you to notice me too?
Do I stand in line?
One of a million admiring eyes?

Walk a tightrope way up high?
Write your name across the sky?

I'm going crazy just to let you know
You'd be amazed how much I love you soooo baby
I've been around enough to know
This time I know it's for real"

And I could go on and on but won't.

You're welcome!

Wish I could say that today was better, but with a meeting every blinking hour, not too bleeping likely. However the meetings went smoothly, everything got done. My poor boss-ieola, M, spent 2.5 hours with TLT getting sh*t on for everything from original sin to the weather to the color of our building...you name it. And he didn't lose his cool, which must have been excrutiatingly difficult. But all three of us have our feet poised on the threshold. This man is AN IDIOT.

The kind of work I do can be quite scary. I mean people used to get scared when they heard that someone from the X group wanted to see them. It was kind of like being taken to the guillotine. The original boss who hired me into this place knew that, and we worked hard on overcoming that image. I go out of my way to dress down, run a hell of a lot of joke lists with wide distribution (folks I trust), and I'm a gentle, reassuring person in the first place. Most of my work for the past 5 years at least (out of 14) has been 100% request based, i.e. people come to me and ask me to do work for them. There's been so much that I had to hand over some projects to other colleagues. And the work takes a helpful, problem solving approach. Not a blaming one.

So today TLT says that our profile isn't high enough, people don't know about us, and we don't do innovative work. Not that he's ever read any of it. I kid you not.

I only have 5 awards for innovation.

He doesn't have any.

I am just ticked that this moron is our boss' boss, when frankly the job is so over his head that it's funny (he's been in it going on 3 years. 3 LONG years). M has attracted quite a lot of additional support where we are, and it's because he tries to work WITH people and is helpful. TLT is, well I'd say pit bull but that's defaming the breed. Anyway, let's say that if you're looking for a fight to waste your time, TLT's your 'man'. Lotsa testosterone, not much in the old brain box. A complete waste of time. The kind of boss who helps you do your job? Not this guy, he gets in the way as much as possible.

It's bad enough that there are morons around, but why do WE get stuck with unethical, stupid and hostile ones?

Oh well. There's always lightening strikes.

The other moron in my life, the one who ran the parking lot that I used to park in, actually sent his 'account' to a collection agency. They called today. I explained what was going on, then contacted my lawyer. This will probably be the end of that.

Another idiot! Actually in this case, I strongly suspect that alzheimers or alcohol is involved.

Maybe I'll drag Pauly out for lunch tomorrow to cheer us up. Was supposed to go with Jery and LC but don't think I could put up with much from Jer these days. Honestly, we are buds, have been for years, I'm just steamed that he's become so self-centered these days (I've had demands put on me that I haven't written in here about. Trust me, they were out of line and excessive in number).

I need to cool off.

Fidgi, anyone?

giggle

There's more right than wrong going on, it's just that they could ALL go wrong so quickly it's scary.

And here I sit, innocently trying to work despite TLT and menopause...la de dah de dah....until tomorrow when I get flame-throwered.

Gotta go get some asbestos undies!

Night world, have a great sleep. I'm back to sleeping pills, thank GOD, until this menopause nonsense ends.....Bridg

Monday, April 25, 2005

Everybody Everybody

Hi World! Well, happy Monday and all that.

It's raining like all get out here. At least it should help my poor hedges (were-hedges) a bit.

Hard to get back to it after spending the weekend shopping, yakking, eating, etc. with my buddy Peggy. Ah, well, the bills do need payment of some sort.....

And I got to see/work with the Cutest Boss In the Universe (M), and talk to my dear bud/shrink Pauly. World's Best Pal, bar none. And also tutored Issy a bit. And once again LaB was nice, even without M around.

However, there is a worm in our apple. TLT!! (*cue menacing music*). He insisted that M and I take a course in contracting (which I could teach, which HE violates every day). At the same time, he wanted M to do a presentation for him by end of day. The course went till 4:00. Hmmm. Then he strode into M's office, gave us both sh*t for not doing something I did and briefed him on two months ago, and left. In Bridg-speak, he 'pompussed' on us and ran. Typical macho bullsh*t.

One of his pomposities was that we meet tomorrow afternoon to discuss the whatever. I have meetings (get this) at 9, 11, 1:00, 2:00 and 3:00 tomorrow. Am I going to a meeting with him? Not on your life. Besides, he's more of an *sshole when I'm around. He apparently has great need to strut his testosterone when I'm the audience, so M will go alone tomorrow.

And put his job on the line if things go badly. Pauly and I have found places to go also. That his top three senior people all at once. I almost hope it happens. There are two places that M can go and he'd bring me and Pauly over too.

It would be nice to work somewhere where our own senior management didn't sabotage our work.

Is that asking too much?

Apparently so, according to TLT (heh heh heh That Lousy Testosterone?).

Anyway enough ranting.

Despite the way that this blog may read, folks, I adore my job. I'm good at it, and have a mitful of awards to prove it, but better than that, also have a lot of demand for me to work with folks, which means more than awards. Pauly is in the same boat. We both love what we do. My home life is solitary (except for She Who Purrs) but quite comfy. And the health picture may be not so comfy sometimes but generally is fine.

Sorry for the occasional rant....sometimes it gets to me (like it does with 123 I Love You).

The only thing I'd like doing better would be (1) M's post retirement project or (2) running a dog kennel (Have I mentioned that I adore, am nuts about, and really like dogs??? Yeppir!).

May we all find what we are looking for, may that be what each of us truly needs, and may that include for each of us health, peace and love.

Hugs, world!

Bridg

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Old Friends

Hi World! Peggy's gone back home, dropped her off at the airport late this aft. Man it was good to see her!

We spent the weekend shopping, eating, gabbing and generally having a great time. I spend so much time with my guy-pals that I'd forgotten how great woman-pals are. And Peggy's one of the very best, even though she lives so far away. We went to my fave (kiddies) store, and got things for her boy and girl--not that we needed an excuse to act like kids.

Going back to work will be like going to another world, but hey it's OK. We did talk a lot about it. She's one of the smartest and funniest people I know. Will miss her even more in the next few days...

On the plus side, get to see M and the guys again at work (am now trying to talk myself into going to work). Maybe TLT retired (HA!)? Had another 4:00 evening, so am very sleepy.

Wish me luck world, can't say I'm all that eager to go back there but definitely need the $$s.

Bridg

Friday, April 22, 2005

How I was Robert McNamara'd Into Submission

Man I'm into Simon and Garfunkle these days. Hi world!! Hope your day was great/good/amusing!

LOVED being off today. Slept in till 11:00 ish. Took until 1:00 to get dressed and read the newspaper, then got groceries. And unfortunately fell as(fuckityfuck)leep! Woke up at 7:00 and then went to the store, got more stuff to store clothes in (I have 3 wardrobes of various sizes...it's so bad here that in a 3 bedroom townhouse I can't get another stitch onto a hanger in ANY of the closets). Then started vacuuming. It was so hot in here (74) that I had to do this in my birthday suit.

Do any of you have a bagless vacuum cleaner? I just got my first one and it seems to act as a distributor of dirt/gravel fountain more than a vacuum cleaner. But I kept at it....

I am going to personally point out to Peggy how clean the floor is. Poor girl. But at least it's done. Hey Chris sorry you got the cleaning bug too. Am seriously considering how I can get someone else to do this. The poor cat (Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe) had to go hide until the noise was over...wish I could have joined her lol.

And yes I'll admit it, also did some work via e mail this am. Good thing I did, Peggy'd e mailed me (forgot to turn on Out Of Office). She'll be here tomorrow. I hope in the evening.

Night world, enjoy the weekend!!

Hugs, Bridg

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Workin For The Weekend

Hola World and happy almost Friday! Well, it's Friday as far as I'm concerned since I'm off tomorrow (well, 'off' in a certain way. I still have to clean & vacuum).

Not playing MJ worked, I slept very well last night for the first time in ages YIPPEE! Got so much work done it was scary. Expense account done; study that's taken forever, done and sent; a few favours for others done; meetings and lunches arranged. MAN that felt good.

Didn't see M at all today (well for a minute or two here and there). It felt odd. Did talk to Marc on the way home, since I forgot to call him from work (not that I had a spare minute to do it anyway). He is having a meeting on Monday with a very talkative, power hungry and very stupid man. I suggested shutting that guy, TLT and a retired colleague of ours (who farts all the time) in the same sealed room with a bowl of chili. Marc said that the colleague didn't deserve it, but since the guy hit on me continuously and aggressively for 14 years, I have a slightly different opinion.

Only slightly sarcastic...

Remember when I said that WE get blamed for the errors of the admin group? Well, today TLT decided that all of us need training on the financial system, even though none of us have access to it. The training day is Friday May 13. That's right, Friday the 13th. Pauly and I are delighted because we will then have the knowledge and tools needed to go transfer money from other groups into our account.

What????? Like that's WRONG??

Thanks TLT! Great managing there.

Have noticed that I"m much more platonic with M. As in no more twinges when we're together. I still have a very soft spot for him and hate it when he flirts with others (that is so disrespectful) but that's wearing off.

Jer was at it again until I sent him this week's blog. Made me feel bad/guilty, but I should not have had to go that far.

Twisted my leg last night (no, just sleeping) and now am limping really badly. Feels like a ligament. Nothing works at getting rid of the pain. OH well, it's a small price to pay for sleep.

Night world. I may miss a day or two posting but will catch up with ya later.

Bridg

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

The First, The Last, My Everything

Listened to Motown today World...Barry White was the last cut on the CD.....

Happy Wednesday! Dunno how it is all over the world, but here it is COLD (5 friggin' degrees) and raining (almost snow and coming down like all get-out)...and I got stuck standing out in it for 15 minutes with no coat, umbrella or shelter. When I got back into the office, M just roared with laughter. I did look pretty funny, but I fired him anyway for laughing at me (did I mention that we fire each other a lot here? Well today it was my turn to do it).

Offered to arm-wrestle with the chair of a committee (oh the man didn't know what he was doing) to settle the question of who should co-chair. You should have seen his face when I said that. Thought he'd pass out.

I hate boring meetings. Spiced this one up a bit. Not sure they'll thank me for it tho. Wasn't even my meeting! Went to help out the new person, Issy. Who did a lovely job of foisting decisions on some very lazy folks. MAN this woman is GOOD. VERY good. I like her!

AAAAAAAanyway....started housecleaning tonight. Have a sh*tload more to do, that'll take place on Friday (the last minute). But things are looking better already if you don't look at the carpet. That I'm saving for last.

Wish I could tell ya everything that happened today, world, but can't do that without making it really clear where I work and what we do and THAT would get me into all kinds of do-do. Suffice it to say that a lot of favors got done today (by me) and a few lines got drawn. Fortunately they're good lines (i.e. they protect people/principles).

TLT (M's boss) was supposed to be in an all day meeting, BUT showed up around 4:00 ish with a haircut, wearing clothes that didn't go together at all (red/orange and green, some of it plaid but old majorly ugly plaid--he looked like one of those guys who hop onto and off of freight trains). He stayed in his office with the door shut (he rarely does that, since he loves knowing to the milisecond who's late and who's early). Even kicked out the cleaning guy when he wandered into there to clean up. Something's going on and I really really hope it's his departure (*strains of 'I Should Be So Lucky* start up). Oh well. Will keep ya informed, world.

M made jokes this aft about me talking with my eyes (to Issy, in front of me). Damn straight. Think that was a reference to his flirting with the consultant....oh does it matter? Nope.

Was not very successful at sleeping last night. Was another 2:00-3:00 thing. Man this is getting old. Wonder if I'll ever get back to normal sleeping patterns? Hope not playing MJ works.

Gave Pauly my copy of Sideways. Hope he likes it, I sure didn't.

Night world! Sweet dreams....and p.s. am not writing about that second career thing tonight because it would only wake me up. But is really cool. So very cool.

Bridg

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Right Here Right Now

The Fat Boy Slim version. MAN I love that music!! A huge thank you to Pauly for figuring out what the name of that song was.

OK world, hell has officially frozen over. LaB was actually decent with me today on a work issue (she needed my help). Yes M was there at the time but still, she asked good questions and actually listened. A first. On top of that, I came home from work ENERGIZED instead of totally out of energy. M had a great idea for a second career for the two of us and others. It involves research, public good and the type of work we do right now (which we both are pretty good at). I'm so excited about this it honestly makes my pulse pick up. I know, pathetic, but it really does. I can't wait. And have a fair number of pals who would be very good at this kind of thing too including Pauly. Wow. This could make my existence on this planet actually be meaningful in some way (not easy to do if you don't have kids). Neat! Have invited a pal to lunch with us so that we can get into this with him soon.

Things come in threes, don't they? Let's see, what else happened, oh yah. Got several annoying projects done. Am most of the way through another one. If I'm not careful I actually might make progress.

Can't have that can we?

And am doing laundry right now.

Amazing how one thing can bring on others. Honestly this idea of M's has me alll fired up.

On a less positive note, Jer is way way way out of touch with reality, especially re LC (the woman I'm trying to hook him up with). I'm fed up with his involving me in this thing and he just doesn't get the message that I don't want to hear about it anymore. It's up to the two of them. Today he left me a card to give to her for her birthday at my doorstep. OK ENOUGH already, Jer. Please. I'm about to swat you severely over this one. Not one more word, y'hear?

Sorry folks, had to get that off my chest. Has been building for weeks.

Now where were we, oh yea. Also put out solar powered lights in the garden. Wasn't sure that they survived the winter or would work. Well, just peeked out there and they are ALL working, pretty as a picture. How lovely.

Had to go rescue Mom when I got home. She got down on the floor to pick stuff up and couldn't get back up. Now I bought her one of those long rods that you can use to do this with..but...being stubborn and my Mom....anyway she was there for about an hour before I got her call to go get her. She's OK. Nothing hurt, just stuck.

Good thing we live very close to each other.

Anyway world, have been having trouble sleeping. Was up until 3:00, 2:00 and 4:00 (am) for the last three days. Hopefully tonight will be different, and I have not taken any naps (usually when I get home I'm so drained that I fall asleep right after dinner. Not tonight). Hopefully will be able to get a decent sleep tonight. Am totally off sleeping pills, that may be part of the problem. The other half may be playing Mah Jongg. Bad idea close to bedtime. Am playing Emperor's Challenge, am at the Emperor level, finished 8 out of 12 challenges. There is one I just can't get and it is driving me nuts.

Anyone else there addicted to this stupid game?

Night world, gotta finish the laundry!

Hugs, Bridg

I Think We're Alone Now

Song running around in my head thanks to a TV show...hi world!

M agreed re my taking a day off, it'll be Friday. That way I won't have to do the cleaning twice (i.e. dust will settle by the time Peggy gets in on Saturday). Man was today vicious. TLT (M's boss) is ticked at our group (i.e. M, Pauly and me) because of our irreverent attitude. TLT takes most opportunities he gets to put down our line of work, and we make fun of him when he does it. Big surprise. Now he's ordered M to put the whole function on cost recovery and to compete with the private sector, which is illegal in this country. And for good reason. M insisted last week on TLT not dealing with us (Pauly, me, the others) directly. That at least kept the situation from getting worse...but it's still pretty bad. As far as the other stuff goes, M's putting his job on the line, and with him go Pauly and I. Neither of us will stay here if M goes, and we are (honestly) the heart and soul of this group (both of us get a lot of requests for help, have a lot of credibility, etc.). This same group also lost 100% of its staff about 2-3 years ago over 3 months, so another major loss of staff would get a lot of attention that this guy doesn't want. Anyway, Pauly and I are a team, where he goes I go too. The same with M, if the three of us can go as a team we will.

It hasn't come to that but I expect it will soon. TLT is making it so negative at work that we could file a harassment complaint, which would go to the head of our department. I am serious here...this is big stuff. Some of what TLT is telling M to do is not legal. Thank God M has integrity and a backbone. At the end of the day, TLT went to M and explained that he's trying to help us/him. Yah right and I'm Santa Claus. But that may indicate that TLT found out how much do-do he's in.

If I told you the line of work we're in you'd be shocked, world. The head of functions like this never do the types of things that TLT is attempting. If there's justice in this world, he'll wind up in jail.

Hey on a lighter note, the system cut me off before I could tell you guys about Tom. He was my first boyfriend. After 5 months of dating, things were getting serious. Then my dad decided to move us to another country (late 60s). A year later, Tom shows up at the doorstep of my folks' home, wondering how I am doing. I go to university (mid 70s). Get married. Seven years later that breaks up. Two months after Steve (the ex) moves out, I get a letter from Tom (how's it going, etc.). This is early 80s. We go to St. Thomas and Puerto Rico, date for a year. Tom is getting over the break up of a live in relationship and drinking pretty heavily, so I break it off. About ten years after that, he finds me again via Classmates web site. We start e mailing a lot, but distance and time have taken their toll. He's also more interested in fixing his 7 cars and 5 motorcycles than seeing me, so we break up again. This time I block him so that he can't contact me anymore. I figure he's had enough chances.

So now he's e mailing me at work. Several times ("I'm worried, how are you, etc."). I've got enough to deal with just on the subject of M alone, so there is no intention to reply to this guy or have anything to do with him. Given the soap opera that is my life, and knowing Tom, I'd say he's about due for another 'show up at Bridget's doorstep' move. Fortunately he doesn't know where I live since my number is not listed (telemarketer avoidance move).

Am doing well in getting over M. Tom I don't need.

Hope Peggy's up for a good round of bar hopping when she gets here. I sooo need a break.

Stay tuned, world. This could get interesting...Bridg

Monday, April 18, 2005

For What It's Worth It Was Worth All The While

Read the title "Good Riddance" in Chris' blog (Army of Me) and now I can't get that bleeping song out of my head. Well I like it...hope you do too World.

Warmest day yet here...22 (centigrade. I forgot farenheight, sorry). Got part of the gardening done...my poor cedar hedges are really looking bare. Put down kelp fertilizer and hope it rains soon. Did do some clearing up in the garden but there is about 3 days' worth of work there. Got too bagged to finish it. On the bright side, got the garage a bit cleaned out and decided that I'll take a day off this week to clean the house. No I'm not kidding.

It's that bad.

Well, it isn't filthy or anything. Needs its annual vacuuming, but there's also mattress flipping, two sets of sheets to change, a BUNCH of laundry, dusting and two bathrooms to go nuts on. Won't even mention the scary room...no one goes there except me when I have to do laundry. Think even the mice are afraid of it now.

Needless to say the income tax didn't get done either. Later later later. Did make dinner for Mom (Sundays we usually either take turns cooking or take turns paying for din-din in a not too outrageously priced restaurant). This Sunday I felt like cooking (considering the alternatives were housework or income tax). Made a rib roast and we polished off a bottle of wine, after which of course I fell asleep. That's a fair bit of wine for two old ladies...

Bought a copy of the movie Sideways. Had not seen it but heard it was good. Watched it this morning. MAN WHAT A STUPID MOVIE!!! All about sucky insecure men/men in midlife crisis mode. If you haven't seen it, don't bother unless you happen to be a guy who wants an excuse to cheat on the lady in your life. If you're female, do yourself a favor and pass on this one. Pointless, stupid...very predictable. That was a waste of $s, and I never say stuff like that.

I'm now at the point where there is equal stress at home (housework, gardening) and work. Meaning I don't want to be in either place but don't have an alternative.

I know, I'll tell you guys about Tom.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Show Me The Way

OK world, sorry for all the Peter Frampton's but hey.

A truly warm, gorgeous day here. Took Mom shopping and what a mistake that was. Feel really torn...she needs to get groceries, I like visiting with her, but man she walks so slow I've seen funeral marches go faster. By the time we're halfway through the store, I am in severe pain, and today I actually complained to her about it (she b*tched at me about walking too fast). There's gotta be a compromise here but it sure isn't obvious to me. Yet.

Apparently the condo I live in is sending threatening letters to owners (like yours truly) telling us to re-roof our houses or else (or else they do it and take out a lien on your house). Don't you just love people in committees? One house out of 43 has experienced a leak BTW.

Idiots.

Didn't get to gardening due to the Mom stuff (took until 4:00 to get this done and it was so draining I napped for two hours after). Will give it a shot tomorrow. This is a big job since I turned my entire back yard into two gigantic flower beds with a very narrow strip of grass down the center. I have a next door neighbor that makes me feel like a lazy slob. She's in her late 70s, father was an SS officer (heavy German accent), and is rather swift at doing housework, gardening and house maintenance. Has more energy than most teenagers. The issue is that she is convinced that I should be exactly like her and of course I'm the opposite of her. The funny part is that when she goes into the back yard, all the birds shut up. It's really funny (there's a park behind our back yards--lots of birds).

My pal Peggy who lives on the East Coast is coming for a visit next weekend, so I have to get my butt in gear and clean up. Actually it'd be cheaper to hire Emmi (next door clean freak) but if I did that I'd never hear the end of it. Not to mention actually be able to pay anyone to do anything, lol.

Peggy's an entomologist with a hell of a sense of humor and two little kiddies. Actually one of them is going on 12 so I guess they're not so little anymore. We used to work together...sheesh 20 years ago.

MAN I'm old.

Woke up today thinking about saying 'have a nice weekend' to M before we parted company on Friday night. He has this way of tilting his head back/chin up when he's happy, and man was he doing that then. Giving me the eye too. I didn't say anything anywhere near intimate. To quote Hawkeye (M*A*S*H) I would only have irritated my glands. What's the point (she says, wishing that there was a point!)?

Also had the worst most vivid dreams. Is this an effect of not taking sleeping pills anymore? Dreamed that my witch sister in law S burned my house down, and had someone steal my car while the burning house distracted me....I wound up somehow with my ex husband who was explaining this to me and he was taking me somewhere. I was looking for a hospital's phone number, and living in an apartment at the time.

WEIRD huh? It was very unpleasant.

Well, 123, I think I'd take a Ted Danson dream anytime over that kind of stuff....

and am NOT looking forward to going to sleep anytime soon. Think I'll watch a movie first.

Night world, wishing you good dreams!

Bridg

Friday, April 15, 2005

I Should Be So Lucky

Hey World, how goes it? Another weekend YIPPEE!

Turns out that TLT (the little turd, M's boss) WAS ticked at the way certain people (we) behaved themselves at the black leather meeting. Expressed it to M. At the same meeting, TLT also ordered us to cost recover what we do, and a bunch of other unethical but legal things. M negotiated with him to let M manage such things in the future (i.e. quit telling professionals what to do). TLT reluctantly agreed. What an ass (OK I'm really swearing now).

At that same meeting his gf kept asking for hugs....M and I think she's looking to leave. Not being the sharpest knife in the drawer, that may take a while. Mixed feelings there..sympathy re working closely with a bossy idiot, unsympathy for being a buck-passer.

M and TLT have had a few run ins over the past few days. M's been showing it (in terms of fed-upedness). Glad he told me that today, it has been driving me slightly nuts. For those of you who haven't figured it out, I come from a background of abuse. Male authority figures who change moods are something I detect and react to rapidly. Growing up, my ability to predict and react to mood changes was essential to the health and well being of the rest of my family.

Another mystery solved (re M).

Think he realized today that I wasn't flirting yesterday. Am just sticking to being me--professional with a side of personal. Seems to be working. On the other hand, the atmosphere is wearing--I keep coming home and collapsing into sleep (it's a way of avoiding stress).

LaBitch is being actually nice, and helpful (in front of M). Think M's right, Issy is setting the pace for behaviour and it's having very good impacts on LB. Issy of course is great. Pauly is too. Again, didn't get work done other than running around silliness. It's part of how TLT feels like a boss (making us run around like headless chickens).

Can't wait to do gardening this weekend! And cooking and other stuff that has nothing to do with office political silliness.

Mom doing well.

Night world. Have a great weekend, celebrate life and spring..I'm gonna...Bridg

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Heroine

Cranberries song...like Chris (Army of Me), can you guys tell I've got the music in me? Dunno where it comes out, I couldn't carry a note in a bucket....

Happy Thursday World! Good day? Good weather? Both glorious here and it was supposed to rain (so much for weather forecasting in THIS town thank heavens).

No one got fired today over the jeans/sunglasses/leather jackets bit. The Big Cheese (Olympic person-tossing guy) just ignored us, which is fine because we're not too thrilled with him either. How intelligent could anyone be heading up a shop of about 12 folks, and not knowing what half of them do after 3 years on the job? Yah you're right, the man's a rocket scientist.

He still needs, and strongly deserves, a tossing.

The meeting wasn't as boring as I expected it to be, but a lot of that had to do with assorted smart-assery on the part of Pauly, M and me. With support from Issy, bless her heart. LaBitch cut her hair as short as a guy's. Ick. And wears construction/hiking boots and firemen's pants. Ewww not that I'm wearing skirts but....she keeps staring at me. M thinks she's wondering what I have that she doesn't (hair!).

Anyway...Da Boss (M) was gorgeous as usual with the chest fur, leather jacket etc. Man he has a nice butt too. Never noticed before and will try really hard not to notice again. What really stood out is his frustration (and mine, and Pauly's and EVERYONE'S) with our non-supporting systems. We've spent the last month or two fixing up admin systems that crapped out and hit us big time in ways that hurt (invoices not paid, money not transferred to our budget, you name it). This isn't our job, but we have not been able to do our work because of the screwups and folks are beginning to complain big time about the negligence (i.e. what do you mean the report isn't ready?). We have four support people for the Big Cheese, none for us. The bosses like M do their own filing and admin, which is expensive support work in anyone's book (they all earn over $100K/year). The four support for Big Cheese guys tell US what to do, and WE are accountable when THEY screw up. I am not exaggerating, it is a sweet deal for them. Helps if the boss is attracted to you, I guess. Sucks if you're us. They're the ones who 'take care of' invoices and contracts. We never see them until things get screwed up, and they regularly do, then we have to fix their screwups (and get blamed for them). Like I said, it's a sweet deal for them.

But again, I rant/digress.

M and I did have a short talk today, mostly about him and his issues with the Gang of Four (the admin guys). They are our (the group's) issues too. I came up with some solutions for them and sent them off to the Head of the GOF. Hope it works but....given our track record for screwing up.....

Anyway, he's in physical pain (back), and mental anguish about being frustrated with our lack of management/excess of admin. Not to mention burning out...it's been one thing after another (BIG things too). I tried to cheer him up (typical Mommy me) and when I said goodnight sent him a hug. I didn't mean it that way, honest, but he thought I did (i.e. thought that it was a come on). Didn't say so but I could see it in his face. Well tough he'll find out in the long run anyway that it wasn't.

I have enough to do without worrying about his suspicions.

Did I get work done today? Nope. Just admin.

Talked to S today. He will be with us May 2. Is now sorting out real estate with his ex fiancee. Man that sucks. Death of your only sibling, a coronor's inquest into it, an almost marriage and now splitting of assets. MAN I hope he gets a break. He also has to go to a hearing to keep his license including an eye test (during all this sh*t he went through two stopsigns). I feel so very bad for him. We talked for a long time and I wish it could have been longer (but there were folks who wanted to see me about work standing around outside my door and I started feeling guilty about it after 45 minutes). But at least I know he's OK for now.

Some days, I feel like everyone's mother. This is one of them.

Sorry World, this isn't the usual me....wish I could take my friends'/colleagues' pain away but I can't.

"This jolly old earth has to borrow its mirth having troubles enough of its own"

Night all...Bridg

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Layback

If you've never heard this song by the Commodores, do yourself a favour and listen to it. SEXY.

Hi World! M and I were in early (8:00, crack of dawn) today in case we needed to brief a Big Shot in preparation for a ultra Big Shot meeting later this a.m. He had caused probs during the trip I was on last week for M. In public. Anyway, that (the early am meeting) didn't happen. But M asked ME to present something to the Big Shot group...the same group where I got attacked by another Big Shot in front of the other BS's (didn't get rattled, didn't lose my cool, it was great, he looked like an idiot). That was about four weeks ago.

The presentation M wanted me to make had to do with the Big Shot we came in early for and didn't hear from. This is a detailed study I finished A YEAR AGO. Did I remember much? Nope. Man it's a good thing I got my hair done yesterday and didn't come dressed like a slob (my usual state of dress). I had 2 hours to get ready, so I agreed. A bit nervous..what if I got attacked again? But went anyway.

It went great. I had so much support from the other Big Shots because of the dust-up from the last meeting that they were very sympathetic with me. And the BS we had not heard from was great too. He kind of apologized for the in public stuff last week. And M and I tipped him off to some dastardly (honest it's slimy) stuff his lower minions are up to. He was astonished but is OK with our advice. This truly is a good guy.

Even got away with a wisecrack or two in the presentation. Was nice and fast.

M got discouraged about the administrivia that we get stuck with doing. We're a very small group but the bureaucracy is unbelievable (mostly because M's boss the Olympic-to-be-tossed guy is an idiot and his girlfriend runs the admin part of the shop ick ptooey). This was a tough week for M, so I cheered him up. Called him later in the day (I am mainlining Imodium and have been for days) on the way home and he was much better by the time we finished talking on the cell.

I think that this is turning into a very cool, good/productive/almost healthy pal-ship-partnership. Who would have thought this could happen? Sure not me.

Was supposed to go to Weight Watchers for the first time tonight but no way I'm going under the (Imodium -laden) circumstances. Will go on Saturday. Although in theory I'd be ahead as far as weight goes (ha ha ha).

Never at a loss for a smart-ass comment, that's me.....

Mom's doing great. Jer is talking way too much (mooning over) LC. Pauly is as usual, a staunch pal and ally. Issy is just fantastic. We spend a decent amount of time yakking...she's a hoot. My French is getting better but MAN I suck at the moment...in French that is.

All of us are wearing jeans, black leather jackets and sunglasses to a staff meeting tomorrow. M's boss came out with a comment about that ('we should....') a while ago. Well, if we have to go to stupid meetings we may as well have fun doing it.

So we may all be unemployed tomorrow...

ha ha ha.

Actually it would be me who'd be fired because it was my idea.

Tough nookies. It's a great idea. Teambuilding and that kind of crap....

Night world....have a good one!
Bridg

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

What Does It Take

Well world it's official: B Spears is pregnant and I'm an old fogy for not giving much of a d*mn. Good luck kid. I mean that both ways. I'm old enough to be HER mother. Yikes.

Today happened so fast I don't remember it. Somehow it got to be Wednesday (tomorrow) and I still haven't done thing 1 on the urgent list, and instead more stuff got onto it. Has that ever happened to you?

I thought so. Ugly isn't it?

On the plus side, lunch with Clint Eastwood was great. Man I love talking with that guy. He is one of those rare men who (a) looks fantastic with grey hair, (b) could look elegant wearing a trash bag, (c) is a fascinating conversationalist--know what is interesting to you and more important, pays attention to what you say/said a year ago, and (d) is just plain fun. Yes he's married, no I'm not interested in him that way, just love the guy's company. He's retired now, and as much if not more fun to be with than before he retired.

Very cool.

What's the latest with M? Well, I suspect he is turning into a boss, either in my head or in reality because he's just realized that he has five of us to take care of. There is quite a lot of the W word (work) going on and it's all at his level (big guy stuff). Some of it I can help with, most of it not.

Unfortunately I have this 'mothering' streak.

It's rather large.

It does me in a lot.

It gets me into work and situations I'd be better off without.

But here I am again, wanting to rescue M the poor lamb from whatever it is that is making him 'work' instead of 'fun' at work. Does that make sense? I'm fighting my own Fontella Bass tendencies (aside: 'be quiet, you!').

Issy is having fun. The grin on that lady's face is fantastic. She tried to race me into M's office this morning (we both got there at the same time, but I made a joke about being bigger than she is--she's really tiny). Hey I just realized that Pauly's about the only guy in the group besides M (C works half days, is not a maniac but is amused by us who are, and must be way over retirement age. We rarely see him). Should ask him if he's OK with that. If not, we'll ask LaBitch to get one of those Swedish operations.

Heh heh heh

Just love the morning chats we have. Usually first thing in the day for me, two hours after he starts for him. Pauly I think you're my link with sanity besides this blog (no that isn't blame you're hearing).

Left work early to get my hair done. That must sound pretty stupid, but at this point I could easily tuck my bangs behind my ears and as far as roots go, I was a brown and white zebra and I really hate that. Besides the hair place is down the street (within 3 blocks) of the office.

Brenda my bud does my hair. She is the coolest person I know. Really great to talk to, doesn't get bothered by much. Has tons of company because people like hanging around with her. Calls her parties 'good sh*t' parties because only good sh*ts are invited to them. I always give her a ride home if I can after she finishes my hair. She gives me hell over the amount I tip (she does a fantastic job and I'll be d*mned if she gets screwed out of one just because she's a pal). We played Motown all the way to her place at pretty full volume (Junior Walker and the All Stars). Found out today that she's had one heck of a bad run of health stuff (ovary removed, other cyst work in much worse places, father-in-law passed away). And she was so casual about it all--not in a fake way. MAN. And she's so young too!

Wish I could be a fairy godmother/person and just wave a wand to make all that kind of stuff (and certain people) just go away. REALLY want to be able to do that.

Jer's mom wants to talk to me and I don't know why. NOW I"m worried. Wish I knew what's up...he's doing fine from what I can tell. Has been a little chatty, then a little quiet. A mother-daughter thing? Hate stuff hanging over my head (well, you'd have to be a little nuts to LIKE that, wouldn't you?).

Ian's luggage got lost on the way to Paris. For me, that would be an excuse to go out and buy more clothes. He obviously isn't like that, being solvent and sensible and all. The place you get your luggage back from is in India. They kept asking him what his luggage looked like and what was in it. Sounds both frustrating and funny.

Realized that I do a lot of personal life stuff at work. Well, those folks are very interesting and with very few exceptions I care deeply about them all.

Night all.........gotta get up extra early (i.e. be on time) tomorrow *strains of Manic Monday start*

Bridg

Monday, April 11, 2005

Ya Mo B There

A really good day, world. Hope yours was too? Still the bright clear warm weather--apologies to those of you in Eastern Canada or in Colorado (Denver). You very poor babies!

Not sure I mentioned this in other blogs, but on Saturday night I decided to Google the word 'womanizer' to see what came up. Wound up on an 'advice to guys' site and MAN what an eye opener it was! Among other things, they advised someone that women won't date men they think are inferior to them, and men who spend their time constantly phoning, e mailing (etc.) the woman in question, and wondering where they stand in her eyes are putting themselves in an inferior (one-down) position...and to knock it off.

HELLO Bridg, that's what YOU've been doing with M! (Jer with L too....but that's another story).

Not that it matters re M, there has been a turning point I think. The guy's a natural flirt, I"m just going to have to be resistant when it starts up again (oh it will). Anyway, today was very smooth feeling wise despite a lot of stupid bureaucratic Monday-ititites. Won't bore or irritate you with them, but there were so many I checked with Pauly to make sure that no one had declared war on me/us.

Hey Issy started today! She is really a great, sharp person! M redeemed himself with this one after hiring that idiot L (bet you thought I'd forgotten that one, huh? LaBitch? At least he's told her to leave me alone which so far she is doing). Issy and LB are in the same office--poor Issy! She's pretty strong-minded/assertive, so this (the combo) should be interesting. GREAT to have another person with a clue in the office...Pauly and I were getting lonely (M doesn't count, he's a boss). Found out just how bad my French is but she's quite patient with me (so far, it's her first day!). She has a great sense of humor (horray).

Got 'asked' by the Olympic tossing person (M's boss) to go to the staff meeting even though it's during my first French class. I hate staff meetings, that man always manages to get in a dig at me during them and being the control freak that he is, I am not allowed to answer the cheap shots. I know that I must make him damn uncomfortable, since I am not subserviant, have been in this office 13 years longer than he, have questioned some of his statements (he likes to 'speechify') in meetings, etc. Come to think of it, I must bug the h*ll out of him. Anyway, by some coincidence I've managed to miss most of the staff meetings lately. Something's up--M told me that the man now respects me and M wanted me to be at that meeting too.

Oh oh.

Oh well.

At least it'll be entertaining for someone. Sometimes to liven things up I try to make L laugh without saying a word. Usually works. Now that Pauly's back, I have TWO folks to crack up. Oh yah and Issy..well, she'll have to behave this time I guess.

Get to see my Clint Eastwood pal tomorrow for lunch. Anyone know a way to lose 75 pounds overnight? Boy is he going to give me h*ll.

Geez you'd think I'd be used to it by now.

Well, off to finish laundry folks. I found three tops I'd lost going through the wash hamper. That is AWFUL. On the plus side, spent my first night without sleep meds in about two months last night. Didn't go that poorly, but not that well either. Does anyone else out there have problems sleeping in spring? Haven't overeaten yet but am dying to....

TTFN (ta ta for now), World! Bon soiree!

Bridg

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Baby I Love Your Way

Long Live Peter Frampton, sissy hair and all.

Hope you had a good weekend, world? It was warm here, sunny the whole weekend. As noted before, slept the whole bleeping day on Saturday. I meant to make up for it today but somehow didn't quite make it.

Didn't do laundry or start in on the scary room. Didn't do this year's or last year's income tax but I did get the forms. Didn't even get GROCERIES but got food for The Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe. Had a decent dinner with my mother, even. No passive aggressive nonsense, and she was more fit and spry than I've seen her in a long time.

And in my continuing efforts to go bankrupt, got a printer for my digital camera. It also scans, which is useful for old photos and documents (have needed a scanner for a while, I am getting sick of retyping corrupted documents at work. Yah yah I know that they should buy one, actually we HAVE one, but it's lost somewhere). The first one I got had a jammed thingie that carries the ink cartriges (carriage), so I had to repackage it and take it back to the store to get a new one. This is harder than it sounds, as it's so hot in the room where I have this stuff (well it was hot to me) I was doing this in my birthday suit, and had to juggle an old oak desk. Not a little one either. Think I lost a few pounds today and may even have frightened a couple of birds outside, not to mention the cat.

Anyhow it's a neat toy. I can now see precisely how fat and ridiculous I was at Christmas with mostly red hair and my own gravitational field. The pics from Christmas were taken about an hour prior to my mother's heart attack, and she looks great in them. Odd huh? Well, the pics will be inspirational, once they stop scaring me.

By the way, I realize how hypocritical it sounded calling M a womanizer in yesterday's post. Well that's what the shrink called him. Since he is married I'm a fine one to talk, but the point is boundaries and respecting them, and knowing who you can trust and for what. Have I mentioned anywhere along the line that I am very very gullible (this is common opinion, not just mine)? Somehow, knowing that does not make me any better at this trust thing. I trust everyone until they do me in. Which fortunately does not happen all that often, except romantically. Hence my retirement from that stuff. I know in this blog I've been moving like a tennis ball between neutrality and passion, but things (from my heart/head point of view) are really really tending more and more towards neutrality or at least self-protective focus elsewhere but M. Honest.

But I digress.

Am going to work tomorrow after all, despite my prior assertion that I wouldn't. One, we have a new person starting with us and it would be very rude not to be there; Two we are taking Sue to lunch (a 3 some) ; and lastly, I have an interview to conduct at 4:00 (not one I'm looking forward to but WTH -what the h*ll).

Have a wonderful evening, world. Enjoy that starfilled sky, have lovely soothing dreams.....Bridg

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Gloria

The Laura Branigan song, not the prayer! Today was sort of a first day to relax after the biz travel. The first warm, sunny day of spring. I celebrated by sleeping the entire day (until 5:00) in my living room.

Sound stupid? Well, let me describe the room: lots of honey-toned oak--wall unit full of books, gold-beige oak-ended velvet couches making a square with the wall unit, a huge oak coffee table and end tables, soft brown carpet...i.e. a very warm feeling room, with lots of sun streaming in and The Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe purring at my feet. Actually started off reading a Jeff Archer book but nodded off.

Then woke up and raked the $@#$^ leaves off of the front lawn because everyone else had already done it to THEIR lawns while I was sleeping (yah they just waited for me to doze off...). Don't know how you folks with REAL lawns manage it. I just have a postage stamp sized townhouse lawn and it almost killed me picking up the leaves. Oh, this must be that sh*t called 'exercise', right? Man my aerobics days are lllllllllong gone.

Have I ever told you guys about my scary basement? Well, I do like to shop. The basement is full of huge boxes left over from shopping expeditions, books that I don't have room to unpack, Christmas decorations I don't put up, an old desk, laundry drying, tools, paint, paintings I'm now embarrassed that I paid money for, even stuff my out-laws gave me when I was first married, etc. It's the 'scary room'. I'm about to try getting rid of a lot of the stuff down there.

Might take a year or two lol.

Oh yah, time to do 2003 income taxes too. I got one of those reminders from the tax guys.

Hey at least I didn't eat while sleeping today!

Or think about that womanizing M.....

Good going, me.

Forgot to mention earlier, S is starting with us on the 18th YAY! I was so afraid that he would change his mind about joining us. And Issy (nickname I just gave her) is starting with us on Monday. She seems to be another one of us maniacs. Guess I have to go into work anyhow, right? Well, we're also taking out the admin assistant for helping us to lunch as a 'thank you' on Monday and there are only 3 of us so I had to go in anyway. Pauly has been sick with flu including Friday. Hope he's feeling better.

Wonder if my stone age computer will be fixed by then. Anyone want to bet? Heh heh heh I thought not...and why am I thinking about work now? Enough!

Off to do filing (oh the glamorous single life), laundry, then attack the scary room.

Hope your day was as good or better, world.

Hugs, Bridg

Friday, April 08, 2005

I'm Free

As in Jon Secada but also the Tommy version.

Was in another province for almost a week. Hate to fly now. The seats are made for 12 year old boys with no hips and the seats are designed to make your neck curve in ways it wasn't built to do. I am officially now no longer flying but will take the train. NO KIDDING. My ankles were so swollen from the 5 hour flight that they must have been at least 10 inches around. No kidding they looked and felt deformed.

But a good thing or two was accomplished, I joined WW again today. Could not walk around the city I was in because of the bad condition of my feet. That totally sucks-that city is now fully into spring,with everything in bloom and the ocean within blocks of where I was staying. OK this is war. Not just on my weight, am also getting off some of the heart meds. Have HAD it!!!

Also decided that I am working at home until the ancient computer is gone and a barrier established so that I am not working in the corridor anymore. I work for a multimillion dollar agency folks. This is it! My boss M agreed to all this. Even told me to go home early today. So I did (can count on one hand how many times I've ever done that).

The visit itself was fine enough, with some fireworks that affected me big time but had zero to do with me. M hit on one of the consultants IN FRONT OF ME (there were only 3 of us there at the time). I like her too! And she flirted back. When the four of us went to dinner together I froze him out. He caught me looking at him when he was giving her the eye, then he kind of smiled and behaved after that. It was too late of course but at least I didn't give him the lecture he had coming. He wore the black leather jacket and sweater with just a bit of chest fur sticking out of it, damn him (i.e. he looked absolutely wonderful).

Why is it or how is it someone as irreverent, independent and allegedly intelligent as I am falls for a guy who looks and acts like that??? Usually the men I like are not traditionally good looking but are smart, savvy and sensitive. Man I could kick my butt to China and back. Honestly I never learn.

Can anyone out there help? Honest I am so exasperated with myself it's unbelievable. And this is a guy who said he loves me?

God help his wife!!

And me!!

Well, at least I'm home and on the way to recovery at least physically. No joke, buds, this is it. I have been anorexic twice before. Once lost 65 pounds between mid August and the end of November, the other time I lost 85 pounds in 6 weeks (when I got separated).

Wish I could do that this time. I"m on antidepressants so it's virtually impossible. But am giving it one hell of a try this time and not because of M, because I"m fed up with feeling this way.

It was fabulous seeing Ian again. We had a great group get together, and talking over issues like old times. I wish I could work with him again, in that enchanted city/place. But maybe it's just as well not. Times and I have changed, although he sure does not seem to have.

Glad to be home, even with the nagging of The Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe (she who must be obeyed).

Have a great weekend, folks!

p.s. Thank you all for your comments....keep reading and commenting please!
Bridg

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Rain

As in Jose Feliciano's 'Rain'....it is pouring here. Was snowing earlier (yuk ptooie) but thank Heavens now just rain, washing away that lovely (@#$%) snow.

As promised, got shoes. Two pairs. Found a new type (Ecko) that humans can actually walk in. YAY! Also got a purse that can be worn without breaking your back. The one I was using has a very long strap and kept wacking me in the butt when I wore it. It is very heavy and leather too so you can just picture it (ick). Anyway this thing is called the Health Purse and feels good, is huge, and is pretty much pickpocket proof. About bleeping time someone thought of it, and bless you whoever invented it.

Didn't get much else but those things alone set me back quite a bit (the shoes were $300+). Ouch. But hell now I can walk (without pain and without making squishy noises).

Sure don't want to be here when the bills arrive.

Have not packed yet, leaving that 'pleasure' for tomorrow. Also have to take The Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe to her boardingplace (the vet's). The folks who work there are all fantastic with animals and she (MSCU) is a big favourite there. In fact, that's where I got her from 14 years ago. They give her bits of dry cat food, calling them 'cookies', and she gobbles them up. It's so funny. I'm going to miss her,while I'm away. It's funny how attached you get to the little furry things.

Ian called. We are having a gang dinner on Wednesday, and there will be what sounds like eight or nine folks there. This should be fun. Can't wait for M to meet Ian, this'll be neat. Two very important men in my life but that's another story.

Called M's house to let him know about dinner. He isn't in ce soir so got to talk to his wife, who is a good soul. We had a nice chat. I feel bad and deserve to. Bad me! Bad bad me! Not that anything's happened or ever will. Still feel like a sh*t. We had another one of those 'we should hug but can't because we're in public' moments on Friday. Man those feel crappy, but whatchagonnado?

Took Mom to get her hair done. She's doing fine, thank heavens. Usually she looks after the place/cat while I'm away but that just isn't possible now. But she's stronger, which is a relief. Terry (sis) is sick with the same awful flu that her partner had, poor babies.

Gotta go put away laundry. Night world, have a good week.

You too Pauly, Marc, Jer, Peggy, Ray.

Bridg

Friday, April 01, 2005

Valerie

Another Steve W goodie!

World, you would not believe what I did today on the way home. No, I didn't slug some slowpoke in the fast lane. Thanks to M, and maybe the outlet that this blog provides, I am unbelievably cool these days.

Weird huh?

OK anyway, wore a suit (ick ptooey) to work today because I was participating in an interview of a big shot at work who I actually respect. Apparently either I went up a size in blouses since last spring or someone shrunk all of my tops. Needless to say it was not comfy at all. And also today, Pauly, Marc, M and I went to my fave hole-in-the-wall pizzeria for lunch. Sitting on wooden chairs in a one size too small blouse is not fun, although thank heaven it was with those lovable maniacs. I'm also going out of town to do interviews for most of next week, and after today there was NO WAY that I was gonna do that in too small clothes, especially since one of the interviews is with a former mentor and still current good pal. So I stopped at my fave clothes store on the way home and...are you ready for this world???...spent $1778.00 in less than an hour. Yup. I did have help, the sales clerk knew exactly what kind of clothes I was looking for. Got 23 pieces but still, quite the total, huh? And it was fun, and I know I can't afford to do that but blimey do I care? NO (well not at the moment anyway).

Actually I'm still in shock. That wound up being 4 suits, a scarf, pantyhose and 9 ( I think) tops. A lot of it was on sale too. $50 off each jacket and a 10% discount (I have a store discount card). Yikes.

I can just hear the collective shudder from the guys who are still reading this. Sorry guys. I hate suits, can't stand wearing clothes other than sweats but now I have to look halfway decent.

One of my shoes was making a strange squishy sound so out of curiosity I looked at the sole of it today (been making this noise all week). Half the heel was gone, and these are flatbottom rubber soled shoes.

OK we are going shoe shopping tomorrow.

This is insane. Good thing I don't do it all that often.

M and I had a wonderful chat about planned studies. Can't wait to get into it....this stuff will really be groundbreaking. Finally get to use my brain a little. Oops I meant alleged brain.

Seeing Marc today was great. That guy is so much fun. The combination of him, Pauly and M is unreal...hysterical, brainy, irreverent and a HELL of a lot of fun. Wow. He hasn't said it, but I bet M's never been with this kind of group either. Good. He's good for the group and vice versa.

Am actually looking forward to this trip, a little. At least for the clothes and dinners. Will miss Pauly, Marc and Jer for the week but it's only a week.

OK world, gotta go do laundry (cleaning the clothes that don't fit anymore).

Night
Bridg