Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Roll With It Baby

Hey world. Don't you just love Steve Winwood? Great lyrics.

Man the end of the fiscal year can be a nightmare. Or you can laugh at it, which is what we collectively wound up doing today.

None of us are in the accounting field (obviously, or else we'd be crying and having breakdowns, I think). About a year ago, we had a support person who decided to leave and closed down every account we had when she left, most of which were still quite active. Why? Who knows, she was an odd chick. Had been here for many years and by the time she left, guess she'd developed an attitude or two.

So today and for the past few days, I've been getting phone calls from clients who never were billed for work that contractors did BUT the contractors got paid! How did this happen? Beats me, maybe we've got a fairy godmother. There were so many of them that by today (the 6th or 8th case that I knew of) I just started laughing when yet another person would call about this kind of thing. In one case, someone completed a job without us ever having a copy of the contract (I bet one was not issued). How could this be? Simple, the idiot in charge of our place (NOT M) took all of the contract management away from the professional staff, and gave it to the strange chick, who was followed by a bevy of temps.

Yes we're dealing with it, thanks to an angel from another group who has been condemned to help us out.

The fact that we've had 7 people in that job since the strange chick left doesn't help. And another of the temporary guys, a very talented and classy guy, is leaving tomorrow. Why aren't we staffing him or the angel? Because the person in charge of staffing is either an idiot or hates us, and M's boss only gets along with subserviant single women (the candidate for people tossing as an Olympic sport? THAT guy! Want to vote with Pauly and me now?).

The universe helped tremendously. Got several e mails from friends, one of which I hadn't heard from since he retired about a year ago, Marc, and others just saying hi, wanting lunch and generally reconnecting. These weren't just any people, these are ones I really like and care about. The retired guy looks, acts and speaks like Clint Eastwood. He is so cool. Anyway, isn't that great? Just when you need help, there it is. Whoa.

Normally not being able to do my job (which is not contracting), would make me fairly hyper and upset. Not any more. M has turned me into a cool, civilized human being except when Pauly's around. Didn't notice until the end of today. The two of us (M and I ) were cracking up over all the slugs (accounting nightmares). We didn't even have to turn rocks over to find them, they're coming out of the walls. It was so wrong and so bad, you just have to laugh.

Have you ever heard of the Texas three kick means of settling disputes? It's a joke I got (again) today. A lawyer goes hunting on vacation in Texas, shoots a pheasant, which falls into a farmer's field. The farmer doesn't want to let the lawyer onto his land to collect the pheasant, and suggests the "Texas three kick" method of settling the dispute. The method is that each person gets to kick the other three times, then whoever doesn't give way gets their way. The lawyer agrees. So the farmer goes first. Kicks the lawyer in the gut, in the b*lls, and finally in the kidneys. The lawyer struggles to his feet, getting ready to kick. The farmer stops him saying "Nah, I changed my mind. You can go get the pheasant".

Tee hee hee (unless you're a lawyer). Well, I suggested using that approach on some of the folks causing us trouble in our professional committee.

Well why not??

Anyway it's a thought.

It beats people tossing but only because of the space requirements for people tossing.

Jer's back home. I hope he's OK..think he needs a good long rest. Pauly and I are both very swamped, so aside from little small naughtinesses we haven't done much. I organized a lunch for tomorrow to get M and Marc together. Marc doesn't know it yet but he is heading into deep deep do-do with a new boss (Son of Satan). M used to work for him. I can't express how bad/evil this guy is but M can so the quickest and fastest thing to do is lunch tomorrow.

Hugs, world. Thanks universe!


Wednesday, March 30, 2005


Hey world how's it goin? Love that duet (Guilty) even tho normally I'm not a fan of Baba's......

Today was a jaunt down the highway of bureaucracy but I had fun with it. One of the PIA's minions informed me that because it is the end of the fiscal year, they won't/can't continue funding a PIA project that I (as do-er of all things nasty, political, dicey and just plain UGLY) got stuck with doing. My solution and reply was quite simple. "OK we'll stop the work on it". Period. Also copied my boss and the contractor on the note.

Man you would not believe the phone calls and e mails that resulted from that one. Think I've hit on a brand-new way to drive nincompoops crazy (*taking a jaunty little bow as tomatoes fly over her head*). Think that the $s probably won't be an issue now. I might be but not the $s!

My boss, M the darling, thinks I'm funny/smart. Man I"m lucky he has a sense of humor. If my old boss was still here, I'd have been fired five times by now.

Hmmm. Maybe that's a mark of honour.

The stone age computer is still cranking out nonsense. Today it lost all kinds of e mail, unfortunately one of them being my travel arrangements. Fortunately I hate travel.

Unfortunately they insist that I have to go anyway.

Oh crap.

Anyway....HAD to be in the office, doing things on someone else's computer and finish by 11:00. I live an hour from work (including traffic delays) and woke up at 8:30 (slept in to spite The Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe, who decided to bite my fingers to wake me up starting at 6:00). Flew into work with wet hair, no makeup, no lunch and no coffee.

Truly a deadly undertaking.

Fortunately I have one swift car. Got there by 9:00 on the dot. No speeding tickets either, this time.

The computer I needed to use to do this work? Hard drive gone. As in physically not there. Noticed something wrong when I sat down to do the work ("what are all the wires doing down there?").

Begged another computer (are you counting? We are up to 4 now). Got the @#$^^ stuff done, and then found out they'd decided to give us 12 hours to do the work after all.

Almost had a few homicides 'round the ole cube today over that one.

Then had to chase down invoices for end-of-fiscal-year for M. Is this my job? Nope. Do I like nagging folks? Welllllllllllllll let's put it this way, I got invoices for everything in 2 hours and there were a few of them.

Oh oh I'm good at it.

Anyway, won't go into the rest of today, it's too demoralizing. Did get some very fine jokes, including one about a husband-day-care service that the government is starting up. Should have mentioned, most of my jokes are definitely not PC. Not bigot jokes either, we offend ALL equally and simultaneously.

So bottom line, world, it was on the boring side today except for the near war with the PIA.

Bet I"m on his hit list.


Night all


Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Fantasy//All Over The World

Hi World, that's a real cool piece of music too (Black Box), dontchathink? The second one isn't the Herman's Hermits one, it's more like Earth, Wind and Fire (everybody get the word).

Hope your Easter/Passover/Whatever was good and long. Have you ever noticed how long weekends feel REALLY short? Mine sure did. One of my buds at work said that she was taking a month off next time. I know exactly how she feels (burned out).

At Terry's--my one and only, favourite sister's- place, they celebrated my birthday a bit late. It was really very kind and nice of them, especially since Terry's partner had the worst cold I've ever heard. She said that she felt OK but it sure sounded bad. Anyway, Terry's almost a decade younger than I and a real hoot.

The more discriminating among you may have picked up a little attitude on my part? Terr makes me look like an amateur. And her step-daughter is making us ALL look like wimps. I really like that kid. She was afraid of failing grade 5 because of attitude. Hell that alone should get her promoted.

Today I had that 'don't go into work' feeling. Not the 'goof off' feeling, I mean the "you will explode with no warning" feeling. Was NOT in a bad mood, but once I settled in it got to me. The ancient, dying computer (lacking a key database which HAS to be updated within 2 hours of getting into work demain). Having to take a remedial French class because my grammar suffered so badly over the last 15 years. Dealing with manipulative, crabby managers (well, one but he's a real PIA--Pain In ---). Having 22 projects too many. Dealing with manipulative consultants who may or may not have a thing going with the manipulative crabby managers. OK now it seems kind of funny, but this a.m. it wasn't.

On the bright side, my wonderful gorgeous sunny boss took time out of his nonexistent schedule to cheer me up. We also had lunch together. This is a very caring and professional guy. Then I got to fight with the database. They can't even put it ON the stone-age thing I'm working on. I think the new one shows up tomorrow. I sure hope so, the crayons are getting worn down and my writing's the pits.

After going through 6 different people to get a Travel Authorization Number, finally found out that, contrary to our How To guide, the person sitting across from my boss is the one who assigns these numbers. And SHE didn't know it either. Don't you just love bureaucracy?

We are so broke that they want me to wait until Friday (April 1) to book a Sunday flight (no can do). Meanwhile, because we have had 7 people in the financial manager job in less than a year, we have had to return hundreds of thousands of dollars some idiot who no longer works here accidentally transferred to us. Duplicate transactions.

Something ain't right in Denmark, Henry. The big prob is that I care about it. However that could change.

Had to interview a PIA today who asked why I was there instead of the consultant, and went on to every stupider questions, which I handled diplomatically. I really wanted to send him to the moon but for some stupid reason that is illegal. This was at the end of the day. The interview took 1.5 hours, 0.5 of which was just yacking, 1.0 of which was a test of my patience. This PIA's first name is Bob, and afterwards I could not stop thinking about the Bill Cosby routine about Bob the Car Mechanic. Now I won't be able to get those #@$^ overalls out of my head the next time that I have to deal with this marvelous human being.

Oh I'm sure his mama loves him.

From afar.

Anyway, a pal's father died recently at the age of 95. The wake was tonight but I just couldn't take it after the day that I had (and I had not even spoken to my pal or her family). Will send something instead. Still feel guilty though.

The moron and I do mean MORON who runs the parking lot I used to park in, and which M still does park in, called me again at work today, now asking for $180 for parking in Feb and March. I have not parked in his lot for those two months, but he wants payment anyway. He used to ask for $90 until the end of March came around. I asked M to change my work phone number, seriously. He will give the guy one last chance to clean up his act. M bravely volunteered to be the go between between me and this idiot. Thank God for M! I wanted to get my lawyer to send him (the moron) a 'cease and desist' letter, but M said to wait until the guy does something else besides phone. I don't think that I can stand it much more, he's been doing this at least once a week for months, and much more frequently than that in January. He's either demented, stoned/alcoholic or 'all of the above'. Scary.

All I was capable of at the end of today was dragging my sorry and sizeable butt to the car to leave ce soir. The bright part was telling the boss 'hugs' and getting the same answer back, warmly. That man is truly an angel.

Spring's coming. You can feel it in the air. Just wish that the entire world could be on spring break together. For about a month.

Except the moron.

Party time!

Night world.

p.s. Jer told his parents about the upcoming split! As I predicted, all they cared about was HIS happiness and they're cool.

Knew it knew it knew it!
Yay Jer Way to go.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Spirit In The Sky

Just saw The View for the first time. It's hilarious! They had John Edwards on it (I'm a semi fan of his), hence this title.

Not much to talk about yet. Got most of the housework done hier except laundry and vacuuming. Was going to do that today but figured why bother? Will do during the week when I'm bored out of my skull (note: Have not been that bored for months. I am not kidding. Ick). Did get some tequila chicken done. It is not as impressive as that sounds. I found the sauce bottled somewhere and just let the chicken sit in it for 2 days. Wow was it tender. No haven't eaten it yet, just put it in the freezer.

Completely changed the litter of The Most Spoiled Cat In the Universe. Now that might not sound like a big deal to you but for me it was. Do you know how much that stuff (scoopable litter) WEIGHS? It''s like wet cement! Had to triple bag it, and I am strong (well, I installed my own window air conditioners for years including lugging them up 2 stories from the basement. It beat waiting for my then bf to do it!).

Going to sister's today for dinner...this year am having 2 Easter dinners (oh sure I NEED to eat that much but TY everyone for the invites). Yesterday's wasn't too bad (at a nice restaurant with Mom). She kind of did her manipulation thing again, until I mentioned (on topic) that I saw her walk into the hospital on last Friday (a) not using her cane, (b) holding the cane in the wrong hand, and best of all (c) standing straight, not stooped over. It was funny to see that and kind of funny to bring it up. She does stuff like that to manipulate me but also to try to convince her doctors that she's in perfect health. Honestly all you can do is shake your head.

Do any of you who spend time with family need a day to recuperate before going back to work? I do. Won't happen this time. I love my sister, it isn't her, it's Mom who I love with all my heart. Coping with some of the stuff she comes out with is very draining. It's tough being of two minds at the same time. I love her dearly and want her to be happy, comfortable, and to be with her but at the same time, she drives me insane.

Also going to a wake tomorrow... my friend D's father passed away. He was 95. I didn't know him but am going for D's sake. No matter how old a parent is, it hurts when they leave us. I try to keep that in mind but she still drives me nuts! We didn't get to see her mother all that often (family issues, nothing to do with us kids) so she didn't go through this herself.

Hey at 76, you've earned some priviledges I guess, including driving your kids nuts.


Sometimes work is a vacation.

So how about some comments out there?

Am getting a lot less e mails from Jer (he reports that he is doing laundry). S I have not heard from in over a week and am worried...but he sees his doctor at the end of this month. M, well he's still M and unfortunately I'm still me. Have not yet woken up in some blonde model's body. Damn.

Where can one go to buy self-esteem?

Later, world!

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Don Quixote

Hey World. As you might have noticed the song titles I use are not really linked to anything but mood. This one is G. Lightfoot's version.

Spent all yesterday in sleep, really. Got up at some stupid hour (thank you, Cat!), fell asleep after breakfast and woke up at 6:30. Was definitely tired. Everyone I work with has either very bad flu, bronchitis or pneumonia. I am not exaggerating. Oh, except me. hmmmmm

So today should have been a day for cleaning, cooking etc. Nope. Just got groceries and came back here. It was sunny, warm...no I didn't nap but just zoned out. Oh yah started working out with weights (like I used to). The last time I was this tired, the heart thing happened. Oh well, if it does it does and I'll have some time off (grin).

Heard a lot from Jer. He went through an amazing amount of moods in one day but wound up in a good place, thank God. His parents flew his live-in to be with them (DUMB IDEA, 'RENTS!) and the poor man is trying to cope. I would just have flown home but that's me. Never at a loss for a smart ass answer.

WEll world, uneventful as it's been, I'm off to sleep. HOpe your day was peaceful....Bridg.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Things are only as important as I want them to be

Isn't that a nice line, world? It's from "I'm Free" (Jon Secada). Another oldie.

Well, found out the hard way that my profile was still up on some dating site. Deleted it, blocked the poor guy who wrote. Hope that's the end of it. If there are any men reading this, which I sincerely doubt, here is why sometimes women don't write back--we get scared. Simple. There was a really good reason for being scared but I won't go into it here. Suffice it to say that being 53, I now have enough experience to know fast when I'm headed for trouble. Have been locked into closets, stalked, you name it. Even wound up having coffee with a man who was charged (along with his son) with murdering his wife. I thought that he was kidding when he said that. Nope. I met the son's home room teacher two days after that, and it was allll true. He looked like Harrison Ford too (no offense, Harrison). PhD in biology, scuba diver, the whole bit.

World, hope your day was good. Mine started early, driving Mom to the hospital for tests and a class. Actually got a legitimate parking spot, was EARLY to work, and don't remember anything much that happened after that except lunch. Yes it is getting to that point. Except that the report that I had trouble with could not be fixed by the admin assistants or the help desk (computer whiz) guys. So I don't feel so bad about not being able to fix it myself.

Did do travel arrangements for the Boss (M) and me. No we are not travelling together, smut-minds!


Anyway where was I oh yes. Heard from Jer a lot. I think he misses home. It's not easy leaving a 22+ year relationship officially and starting a new life. I wish that I could do that for him, but at least I've been there (well OK my marriage was 9 years old but the processes are similar).

A long weekend. Yay. No M for 4 days--BOO. We had lunch with a mutual friend, who got lots of advice from M over lunch. It was about marriage/negotiation/couple stuff. Fun to listen to (no really it was) and for once, I kept my mouth shut. Was not sure at all that I could shut up that long but was quite glad that I did.

M is one of the smartest and nicest people I know, male or female. It makes that 1996 thing he told me about even worse. He said to forget it, it's long ago. I know it is but it still bugs me. Maybe that's a lesson to keep in the back of my mind. We sure are buds now and it has nothing to do with his looks (sigh they sure don't hurt tho) or his being my boss (if anything, that goes AGAINST him). It's just who he is. Fair, decent, principled, smart, funny and rebellious. Yep an all around great person. Oh yes manners too. So why was I so dismissive in 96? Probably because I thought that he was trying to tell me what to do. KOD (kiss of death) as far as I'm concerned. He mentioned today a story about a time ago, someone who had a crush on him. I laughed and said 'who doesn't'? No kidding world, it's probably a shorter list. Not that I am jealous, I am his fervent admirer and only want the best for him always. If it isn't me, OK, as long as he is happy, healthy and has what he wants and needs.

Dang wish it was me, oh well. Odd being in this position. Bet it's good for me (have you noticed that a lot of things that taste/feel unpleasant are?)!

Did mention to day that I think that God has a hell of a sense of humor. Not only did he make this guy I brushed off in 1996 MY BOSS, He gives me a crush on him! Way to go, Lord. Very funny. I get it, I get it!

Hey signed up for French language lessons today. Want to be in the same class as a pal but it's been sooooo long since I've spoken it that I'll probably have to be in a different one. You should have seen the amazed grin on his face when I told him about it. Made my day, let me tell you. I love making that man happy, and it's even better when it's a surprise. Will remember that look for a long time.

Made the mistake of buying chocolate on the way home--initially for Mom, then both of us. MAN do I feel full/guilty/fat. Not doing that again. Not today anyway. I feel large enough to have my own gravity field.

Other than having to eat out on Sunday and Monday, have no idea of what I'm doing this weekend and that is the way I LOVE it. It's really immature (or so I've read) but having plans is a drag to me. Always was, always will be. A luxury of being on your own--no one to coordinate with, accomodate, beg/plead/negotiate with and best of all, I get to control the remote.

And sleep in.

If the cat lets me, the brat.

All the best for the weekend to you world.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Rocky Mountain High

That title is for Jer, who is, as he puts it, a new person--new as of freshly recovered health from a near death experience plus let's say 'non-benign' neglect of someone who should have had his well being front and centre. Witch.

OK that being said, Hi World!

Today turned out to be one of those days when I just kept getting slapped in the face with a wet mackerel no matter what I did.

The loaner computer froze so bad this morning that it took 2 hours of work and updates to get it running again. Yes I'm a fast worker but it wasn't that...it was the freaking age of the computer (I think its last user was Moses). On top of that, the document I was working on is several months late, and for some reason its page numbers are roman numerals. Here I am trying to solve what amounts to WWIII via this report, and what is the problem? The PAGE NUMBERS???

Yah well, guess it had to be something!

Hey the shrimp scampi I made last night was fabulous (remember, I had to cook or baptize the shrimp?). Had it tonight and boy was it easy. This is a keeper recipe! Not that I splurge on shrimp all that often.

The crowning touch today was M. OK I'm back sort of in love with him, cold/flu and all. Anyway, on the way home last night, I got the feeling that he'd stay home today to get better. So I buzzed him on his cell to remind him that he promised to get better. I think from the way he answered the phone, and from what he said, that he thought that I was someone else (a very close someone else). That didn't feel good.

But leaving that aside, another GREAT moment today (she says in all sarcasm)! He told me that we first met in 1996, he offered to meet with me on the subject of a new kind of document that I was putting together and which he too had worked on. I told him some stuff then that sounded asinine, including that I'd consulted with an expert (that I hadn't spoken with) and that I had been a manager (true but I don't usually tell people I don't know about that). What a JERK I was! I don't remember that meeting at all. Those are the kind of things I would have done to get rid of someone I didn't like. I said so and he understood.

Oh do I feel like a piece of s*it or what?? Just can't believe that I said that stuff/told him that stuff. No wonder he sounded amazed when he told me last June that "you're a very nice person". It must have been an utter shock after that meeting.

Still shaking my head. How dorky can you get? Think that I might have gotten the impression that he wanted to be involved and/or control what I was doing, which would have ticked me off greatly back then.

Either he is remembering it strangely (not too likely) or I have changed 2000% since then (slightly possible). How very odd. Told him that I would feel bad for the rest of the day, week and month about that and I was not kidding. Still can't believe that happened. I am officially pissed at the person I was. That is not a great feeling.

Did mention to him this a.m. that he got the cold from too much sex. He laughed a little bit (he was calling from home at the time).

Know that song "Damn, wish I was your lover" or how about "I should be so lucky"?

Kickin' myself for nothing (and this is SOMETHING) IS my favourite sport!

Wish I had a time machine.

Night world.....Bridg, bootin' her butt again.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Classical Gas

and I could use some! Hi BlogWorld, hope you had a very fine day.

Mine started off late but I made up for it by breaking some ground speed records. Got from where I live to work in 13 minutes. Definitely dented a limit or two. Am still using stone age computer but did get a lot done. Not the big number 1, 2, and 3 things that I HAD to get done but the time limited ones.

M is still sick and still at work. I can't believe that man. He will wind up with pneumonia yet, and he didn't get antibiotics either. I described how to tell if sinuses are infected, and his are (all swollen too). The soup I brought in did seem to help him (and he bought me a sandwich)--it was lentil soup, my fave (we had lunch together). There is so so much work to do I just can't focus on anything else. Plus I have to go out west to interview a friend and ex lover. I am 100 pounds heavier than the last time we met, so I am not at all looking forward to this, except that he is very classy, kind and above making rude comments. And gorgeous and smart of course. These types of guys just keep showing up in my life when I'm least able to...oh you know!

M gave me one of those shiny eyes looks today. I pointed it out to him as I left the office. But I called him on the way home (left at the same time, as usual) and I think that he thought that I was someone else at first (a gf). Kinda broke my heart a little but I"m supposedly past this stuff.

Awwww who am I kidding? Well it is much easier to take. Not in a romantic way, no WAY I'd put up with that. Not worth it. But those eyes. "When your eyes throw light at mine, it's enough to change my mind. Make me leave my cautious words and ways behind...."

Back to work--I spent most of the day doing stuff for M and others as favours. All of it kept me from finishing my job, and that's the story of my life in anutshell. What an appropriate word--nutshell.

Hey made a new dish tonight. Was going to be tequila shrimp but changed my mind and made shrimp scampi instead. MAN was that EASY. Love it. Have more shrimp I bought on sale that will use the tequila sauce on instead. Had to either cook the shrimp or baptize it tonight. So when I woke up from what is becoming my customary nap, I started cooking.

Have GOT to get this energy thing under control. Need sleeping pills to sleep (spring is always really really bad, on my own don't get to sleep much before 3-4 and get up at 7), can function fine at work but it's so draining that all I can do is collapse at home. Did I mention that the normal workload per person is 5 and I now have 25? Actually 2 more got added lately I just haven't been able to start them.

arrrrggghhh I'm a professional and this is driving me nuts. I don't think that the computer broke down as much as gave up. Should I take a hint from this?

ha ha ha

Well world, with my shrimp scampied, I'm off to bed. Have had lots of lovely blackberries from Jer, it's so comforting. And my wonderful, irreplaceable and irrepressible pal Pauly. And of course.....M (MWAH!).

Night all!

Monday, March 21, 2005

Lavender Blue, Lavender Green

OK world, we've hit a new low. GRADE SCHOOL SONGS!

Can't help it, this is what's running through my so-called brain. Just put on a pot of lentil soup to simmer. That stuff is easy to make and very heart healthy (not to mention filling). M has pneumonia, and if he is silly enough to come to work tomorrow, I'll bring in some for him. HIS boss also claims to have pneumonia but....sure sounds normal to me. Nuff said.

Computer at work died today. They had to hook up another one for me and it took over half an hour (I am not kidding) to open WordPerfect. Good exercise in patience, which I don't have. Argh. So I got to catch up on my filing. Ohhhhhhhhhh goodie. A new computer was ordered last week. Sure hope it gets in soon, otherwise I have a golden excuse for ummm spending my time at the office more creatively, shall we say.

Hope your weekend was great. Mine was OK ish. Got most of the housework done that I didn't do last week but laundry and vacuuming didn't make it onto the 'done' list. Sis is back from L.Vegas and she said that Mom doesn't pull that 'poke around the store' thing when she takes her out. Fine, the job is now officially hers. My back just can't take it. Neither can my 'patience'. Honest I love them both but....enough is enough.

Well for now anyway. Let's see how it works out.

It's spring here! Ice is finally going away and there's some green stuff under it! Is much easier to get up in the a.m. Still a bear sleeping though. Of course taking 4 hour naps does not help.

Jer and his nephews are into spring skiing big time. What do I do for fun? Laundry.

Well not for fun. Co-workers seem to like it!

My shrink says that spring is hard on me, spirits wise. Is anyone else out there in the same boat? I wonder if it has to do with the fact that it's hard (for me anyway) to get to sleep at night.

Oh well. If that's the toughest thing I ever have to deal with....

Geez there goes the timer. Later, world. G'night!


Saturday, March 19, 2005

And Flowers Never Bend With The Rainfall

Hey world.

Have been e mailing Jer out in B.C. for the past few days, with Simon and Garfunkle lyrics. He'll type in the start of something and I finish it along with other assorted nonsense.

I've been working at night as well as day for the past few weeks, and decided to take today off. Went and bought a bunch of silly stamps for the office ("confidential: read this and I'll have to kill you", "f'ing urgent" and B---s---) as well as desk toys (the ones with colored waters and oils inside them? LOVE that stuff. They're all sitting around me now. Wonder if I was blind in a previous life? Sure cannot get enough color. One of them flows UPWARD. Cool.

Also took Mom shopping. BOY is that hard. She moves so slowly that my back gives out 1/3 of the way through the store. Ouch ouch ouch. Don't know how SHE stands it! But somehow we've managed this far. Talked to her sister/my fave (only!) aunt today too. It is unbelievable how bad medical care is where she lives. Thank God her husband is a doctor (not cardiac unfortunately but still). She had so much fluid around her lungs that she couldn't breathe for at least 2 weeks. Can you imagine feeling half-alive like that? My uncle took her in and they finally drained it. What happened to 'first, do no harm'? Harm can be caused by neglect as well as action. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Really had to fight the impulse to work today--there were articles related to my very late studies in the news paper today. TWO of them. Arrgh this is anguish. But if I give in, I'll turn into the workaholic I used to be.

Nope. Been there, done that bought the f'in T shirt FACTORY.

Looked for pineapple lapel pins. No dice. Probably too early in the warm season. Bought very sharp dinner knives, naturally pricked a finger and since I"m on anticoagulants, am still bleeding hours later. Smart, Bridg.

Today appeared to be 'stupid driving day' in my town. You know, when everyone cuts everyone else off, slams on the brakes for no reason, or just stop dead in the middle of a lane (again no reason), cut across several lanes of traffic without looking, etc.? Full moon behaviour without the full moon. Given that, I don't see why it isn't MANDATORY to drink and drive.

OK OK just kidding....

Did think about M again but not in that way that's entertaining. It's becoming hard to do that. I have no idea why...it's very hard for me to get interested in anyone romantically, then he breaks through and 10 months later I turn off (naturally he has teased/tested...wonder if that's why things changed? Or is it the workload? Oh give it up Bridg, it doesn't matter!). Can't imagine where this is going. But the two psychics did tell me that M and I weren't romantic but sort of 'teacher-student' and that sure is how it's turning out.

Sigh. That's me, eternally frustrated.

Have GOT to stop talking to myself. Or at least not argue with myself in print.

Could start with the damn cat. How would you like to be woken up by getting a good tough SWAT in the tip of the nose when you're deep in slumber?

How the @#$#^& did she think of that? Beast.

Bet she stays up at night trying to think of ways to scare the sh*t out of me in the a.m.


Friday, March 18, 2005

Samba Pa Ti

WOW World what a week! Sooo glad it's over and it's sunny and warm...

Very intense, insane, fast pace of work--and I"m used to that kind of stuff so this was SUPER nuts. But we got all of it done with our brains and relationships intact. And the first day of spring is coming.

Still a fair number of people dropping by to say hi (is this the universe's way of being comforting? It works). M and I are settled in our roles and MAN we are good working together. Have never had a manager or even colleague that I relate to like him. What I"m bad at he is good in, and the product when we collaborate on stuff is something amazing that neither of us could do alone. That's supposed to be what teamwork is, but how many of you have actually experienced that? I sure haven't. Well not much anyway.

Pauly and I fantasized a great revenge against M's boss in case he doesn't staff M. First of all, we both leave as a duo (that part isn't fantasy, it's exactly what we'll do no kidding). Then, we get the Olympics Committee to (I know this is not PC!) institute people tossing as a sport. The first one we'll toss is M's boss, and ONLY M's boss gets tossed by everyone. I could throw this guy pretty far and I"m not all that strong. Wonder what a catapult would do? Actually this could work with any target (ex husbands/wives/bfs/gfs, mean people, drivers who cut you off, you name it). Of course if he does staff M all this is off.

Wicked wicked wicked. It still makes me laugh thinking about it. Couldn't you just hear "You're fiiiiiirrrreeeddd" just before the splat?

Nasty girl I am.

OK off to feed the Bossiest Cat in the Universe. I am tired of her very vocal nagging.

Have a wonderful weekend, world!


Thursday, March 17, 2005

Stuck In The Middle With You

Hi world, boy was today a hurricane in a hat.

Had the a.m. off to get the car into the body shop. Yeppir, don't remember if I blogged this or not, but while Mom was in the hospital, they (doctors) called the whole family in for a conference to describe how we should look after her. I was late, it was REALLY cold that day (-40 or something) so everything was ice. I was also off sick with trachitis. Anyway I was doing quite a rapid clip, went down the driveway to Emergency, slid on a curve and hit the only car on the road--the hospital's priest! He was 100 years old (about) and froze when he saw my car. Stopped dead in the road. Idiot. I just barely hit his car, only took off the body side molding on the back quarter panel of the driver's side. MY car, on the other hand, had $2500 worth of damage. Had to get it fixed, then had to get whatever they call the special finish protector put on it today (after the paint had time to cure). Am going to hell for sure.

He was a mean little @#$%^^ too. All he cared about was his 'new car' until I pointed out that mine was too. Oh well.

So this am, I gave myself an extra half hour to get lost finding the body shop. I didn't get lost, was early. So went to work early. Poor M was so very swamped and stressed. Told me later that he was beginning to freak out. Then I came in, and we did some very quick, intense and in-depth calculations. Figured out that this #$%^& workplan that we've been slaving over is calling for (ahem) $3.4 million worth of work in one year. No kidding, and that is the CHEAP scenario. And there are only 2 of us to do 40 studies??? Usual workload for a year per person is 5. We need more people. Knew that, but now there's definite proof.

After days like this we both go home drained. Fortunately I can just collapse and vegetate. He goes to play hockey (naturally he's the captain of the team) and also is a volunteer finance manager with a condo in another country (which is infighting like mad). Its annual meeting is tomorrow night. The man must just love punishment. I can barely cope with the one job.

Well, it's easier when you have a boss who supports what you do and knows what he's doing!

I've just begun worrying that M might leave. HIS boss is a mean little jerk who has not made M permanent yet, despite M's stellar performance. Only that guy would do something that .....dumb and small minded. He rushed to staff the Clown Prince, who was as incompetent as they come, but M--talented and productive as he is, the man drags his butt about. Go figure. It might explain why we've had so many losers as bosses and why turnover is so high. In the other half of our org, we actually had (get this) 100% turnover in 3 months. If M leaves, so will Pauly and I. We do have options, and M's boss is on very thin ice. Then he'll be stuck with 3.4 mill of work and no one to do it.

Gee think that turnover rate means anything?

Anyway, I decided to treat myself to pizza tonight, overdid it, and now am suffering. Know how you usually feel after Thanksgiving dinner? That's me now. Will need a forklift to get anywhere tomorrow.

Pauly had to leave almost when I got in so we didn't get to talk much. Jer bless his heart called and e mailed a lot even though he's on the other side of the country (MWAH!). Mom's doing great and sounding very chipper. I miss my sister, she's in L. Vegas but will be home this weekend I think.

This feels a bit like a storm coming. The plan will be so controversial, I feel like a pregnant elephant...

But at least spring's coming. And so is S, and he, I hope/think, is in good shape. Much better than I'd be.

Guess what I'm feeling is lonely. Odd huh? And oh so tired. And scared/worried for M and S.
Had a dream that I forgot to give food and water to my cats while I was away with the predictable results. Woke up VERY upset.

I'm in this angels group on Yahoo. They send out 'angel cards' every day. Today's was 'nurture'. Interesting huh? I thought so anyway.

Wish I could find a way to turn off this worry thing. Oh well. Guess what's needed is a good night's rest.

Night world, I wish you peace, I wish you love, I wish you rest and spring.


Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Sunshine Superman/woman/person

Hi world! Boy I think we're going backwards musically speaking. DONOVAN? Oh well what can ya say?

Super day today. Actually got stuff DONE. Mind you some of it was a few seconds ago, but I'm off tomorrow a.m. (getting car fixed). Was again glued to the computer but found time to drive M nuts. OK a little nuts. Gave him the last 2 days blogging to look at. I think he was going to s*it when he read part of it but I told him to keep going and he did (recovered nicely too). We are both happy with things going the way they are now. Really. Honest. At this point, kissing him would be like kissing my brother. That's a big change in a few months but that's where it's at.

I'm a fickle beast huh? Well I do still love him, it's just a different kind of love. Or a more mature one? Who knows! Certainly not yours truly.

Have any of you gone through something like this? If so let me know.

I am getting fatter and fatter even tho I am not eating more and am definitely not preggers. For one thing that would require sex (she falls over laughing) and second not to be in the phase of life that I am. OMG maybe I'd better check the back yard for three wise men and a camel or two?


Pauly brought in some short stories that he wrote. I laughed my butt off at one of them, the others--all of them--were magnificent. That guy just blows me away. If I had that much talent, you wouldn't be able to get my head through a doorway but not Pauly. Hey same with S. Wow I know some pretty hot folks.

Have any of you seen the movie Little Nicky? It's been on TV a few times here lately. I told M today about the pineapple and Hitler's butt part. So now I"m going to look for pineapple lapel pins. I am not kidding. He liked the idea too (sometimes you get into confrontations with the 'bad guys' here. Fortunately there are very very few of them). If you haven't seen that movie, it isn't a work of art but there are some really funny parts in it. I can't explain the pineapple bit here, it would ruin the impact.

Jer's in Vancouver and I miss him already, although bless his heart he's e mailed me at least 5 times and phoned. His voice is sooo mellow and soothing. Couldn't talk to him because of yet another #$^ deadline, but it was great to hear him anyway. The e mails are pure Jer too.

Can't think of much else that went on today. Did get to talk to sweet folks as usual, sun was brilliant, slept in a bit (YEA!), Mom's doing fine, got some very choice jokes...I only hope that your day was as good as mine. And that your diets are not as cursed!

Night world!!


Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Rescue Me!

Not that I like being helpless, but Fontalla Bass was one heck of a singer!

Stayed up until 12:25 on that @#$% workplan. Then the work computer system kept crashing on me, and on top of that we are using a software that I can't stand so I gave up. Prob is that the Bailey's that I was um gulping has SUGAR in it. Guess who was awake till after 3 and up at 6? I'm surprised I'm awake now!

But here I am!

Honest this world is a truly funny place. I was always afraid from the age of 5 of being alone. Always assumed I"d be married with tons of kids and dogs but not in North America--more like France or Italy, or England. Why those places? Beats me. Just seemed like that's what would happen. So I sail (well, 'bumped' is more like it, I never studied) through getting a measley BSC assuming I"ll just get married take care of kids, doggies and home and to heck with the degree. So look where things went! Have a good career despite my idiotic younger day thoughts. Then the prevailing thought was: I'll be alone forever (after my divorce) and unloved. Like B. Jones the movie.

And here things are, chock full of love in every way possible. The romantic stuff I avoid (not too successfully, look at M) but everywhere you turn, it's (love in one form or another) there. The parking lot guy who stayed 3 hours late just to give my my car keys. My buddies taking me to lunch. The commissionnaire calling me Sunshine and giving me a hug every day. Clients dropping by to say hi and throw ideas around even though I am too swamped to even go to meetings with them. Computer guys fixing the idiotic things I do to the computers and keeping it a secret because they appreciate the jokes I send their way. Angela, the cafeteria lady, full of love for everyone. Diane the cook and Pat her helper...very loving in their own gruff ways. Pauly dropping by to check on how things are going daily--Jer PHONING for the same reason. Mikey and his avalanche of outrageous jokes. I just can't believe how great you all are. Words fail me but this has to be said: I LOVE YOU ALL! And it shows how much you love me and each other. MWAH!

Today M dropped by to see how things were going around 4. I'd been glued to the computer (well tried to be there were lots of interruptions) trying to finish the project from 12:25 last night. It basically meant finding out a LOT of detailed info on as many as 45-60 programs, rephrasing it so that I wasn't plagerazing, then dropping in study questions. Planning off the top of my head. This is work that really needed more time, most of tomorrow also, but I was scheduled to go to a brainless meeting (2.5 hours long too) at the same time in an area I don't work in but had promised to go to someone. So when M dropped by, I admitted being a bit stressed because of the meeting. He said "You cannot go" in a 'you've been ordered by me not to go' voice, bless him. We'll catch up with the meeting people on the phone later. Then he went and got us coffees, sat down and talked to me about everything and nothing (mostly funny stories) for an hour. I was sooo relaxed at the end of it. He checked to make sure I was OK, then left. How could anyone not just adore a guy like that?

The cafeteria girls are calling him 'darling' now. Boy they're bold.

Did I mention that yesterday poor Z mentioned in a meeting with the two of us (M, me) that she had a 'tickle in her throat' and us two filthy minded perverts roared? Oh yah. It took poor Z a while to get down into the sewer with us, which made it even funnier. I asked M if he knew the difference between like and love (old joke but he hadn't heard it). Hey it was related! So when poor Z left the meeting, M calls after her to get rid of the tickle in her throat. I muttered that if she doesn't she could call him (He cracked up, after smacking me in the shoulder first). It's that kind of place, it's that kind of relationship. I love it.

The relationship at least these days is smoother. Much more affectionate and somewhat deeper, although I can't really explain that. We've reached an understanding and acceptance of where the boundaries are. It's very intimate in a non physical way (but he does touch me a lot more. Prob feels it's safe now, heh heh heh. Just kidding, it is). He was doing that looking into my eyes thing again today. Was really scared poopless about what was probably showing and a few times I had to look away because it flashes in and out. I can feel that now. It's in his too, those are NOT impassive/uninterested eyes. The poor man!

It's a great, solid and very nurturing relationship. Wish I had the slightest clue exactly what it is, but at this point I don't mind not knowing. We're close, we're intimate (brain and spirit wise). That's very obvious and taken as a given. Lovely (especially after all the idiots we've had as managers here). He said yesterday it's a special bond.OH YAH (Bridg let's not go there lol).

Took S out to dinner for a late birthday celebration tonight. We went to the coolest burger specialty place WOW. Cool folks there, cool music (motown), just perfect. S looks like Keanu Reeves only more handsome and articulate. A real treat for the eyes and brain. I just like him so much. He and his fiance broke up after his brother died on Feb. 13. How rotten is that? It gets my motherly juices/instincts allll stirred up on his behalf. It was an amicable split (unusual huh?). This guy's got class and brains. I think that he and M will do just fine, and he has the same insane sense of humor as the rest of us. S is doing fine. Has lots of support, esp from me. For some reason I feel responsible for his comfort and honestly want to help. It doesn't hurt that he's gorgeous but I'd feel that way anyhow even if he looked like a gargoyle. He's just so calming and fun to talk to. He feels the same way about me too (said that tonight). S is gentle, very smart, human...just a great guy.

Now it might seem that I'm going on too much about looks. Well am just beginning to notice. I have about 4.000 pounds to lose before I even think about dating (kidding about the amount but not the process). Looks in general don't mean much--i was married to a John Ritter lookalike who was in love with himself. Won't make that mistake again! Hey not his fault either, he was raised that way. Just not a great mate for me and I was too stupid/young to realize it.

Oh man the lack of sleep is really catching up with me. Even for ME I'm not making sense. Will check in with you again tomorrow....or earlier if something wonderful happens like ....nah don't want to gynx it by saying it...

Wishing you all love out there...many many times over


Monday, March 14, 2005

Red Red Wine

Oh world! I have never blogged at you while under the influence but here it is, a mere Monday, and I am slightly blottoed. Also the world's cheapest drunk, at your service.

Honest I've only had one red wine glass full of Bailey's (think I could include them in advertising here? Naaaah). The reason? I have to do a few days' worth of work tonight on a subject I HATE. So naturally here I am talking to you instead of doing it.

Would have had red wine but am out. So here we are with Bailey's. It's better anyway.

Today was busy. VERY busy. Was in a meeting with dreamboss and hardly noticed the eyes/etc. except that we both got the giggles over slightly risque misinterpretations of what some poor professional, Z, said. Oh well, we're better now. The good part is that I didn't think of him in lusty ways (well not as many as before).

Jery took the day off to go skiing. I think he needed the release. I do too but I can't ski. So here I was drinking. That'll teach me. Jer's much smarter than I am (also taller, skinnier and cuter).

Anyway, at least one of the TNP (talented new people) will be here on April 11. My ex's birthday (black friday, we call it) but now it's a good day. About time too, Pauly and I are going to drop dead from exhaustion any day now and so will M if we don't get bodies in here asap.

But they're talented and coming here. Thank GOD.

OK back to today. Well, not a heck of a lot except for work, work, work and assorted wisecracks and insanity from Pauly and me. I thought that I'd killed my computer this a.m. and was all set to party about it (honestly) when the computer guy found out that I"d left a disc in my computer (idiot idiot idiot me!). He said that he would not tell the guys back at the HELP desk out of gratitude for all the good jokes that I send his way. And I didn't even know this guy.

OHHH man.....

Anyhow, guess I gotta do the overtime or get more Bailey's. Damn.

Anyone have advice for me? Other than 'here's a quarter, purchase a clue"?

Off to play one game of Spider, then workplanning (ptui!).

Night world. Hope you're having fun.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Just Another (non) Manic Monday

Only today is Sunday. Hi world! Hope you had a decent day?

Today was goof off day. Slept in till 8:30. Didn't go anywhere at all. Had lots to do inside, so much that I decided to nap. What the hell, the living room was full of sun, the cat was in the window enjoying the sun...and this is as close as I'm gonna get to a March break so the heck with it all. Did get trash done, litter changed, flipped mattress (I hate being on my own), changed linen, and got laundry done. But lots of mega work was needed...so naturally I napped.

Got an e mail or two from Jery. I'm glad he isn't ticked at me for snoozing off last night. That's a good pal. A very good much loved pal (big hug to Jer).

Got a lot of computer type stuff done. Answered two surveys that I was handed at Home Depot and East side Mario's; cancelled a spice order that never showed up (Man they're slow), did little things. This was before the nap. Don't know when it started...about 2 ish I think and ended when Jer called at 5:30.

Then called Mom. She didn't want to go out to dinner and was feeling down (cabin fever). I'll have to get her out tomorrow.

Got alll wound up in this Extreme Makeover espisode about Cassandra. An eight year old cancer patient who wanted to paint the hospital that she was in to make it more cheery for others. At the same time, a lot of volunteers decided to build them a new house because of all the health probs she was having in the old one. The builders even took care of the mortgage. I just could not stop watching this show, even tho it isn 't my fave. Cassandra was also making necklaces to sell to raise money for patients.

What an incredible kid and team. As one of them said, there's not one negative thing about that child. She's affected so many people in such a positive way. Hope that I"m doing that too. Had a lot of growing up to do in my 20s (home life wasn't exactly nurturing) but I'm well past that stage and have the kind of job that can help people. That's my goal. Don't want to be executive of the world (ick) or anything, just need to be solvent.

That in itself is a major goal! But let's not go there.

Anyway I needed to stop thinking about Dreamboss (M) and did for the day. That was a blessing but also I missed him so to speak. Hope he's getting better. It's alarming how long and frequently he's been sick recently. Well, it's a mercy that the rest of us are not, being down 50% during peak work time.

Sending you lots of love and strength, M. Health too. Surrounding you with soft green and turquoise aura.

And sending you Jer, lots of soft pink and green aura.

Are any of you out there in to crystals and minerals as health and spiritual aids? I am. Well, I've been trying it out for a few years. It mostly works, at least from my experience.

Cannot get over the impact that M's had on me. I'm getting back to my old self very rapidly. Jer's helping there too, guess it's a combination of the safe environment that M provides plus the support from Jer.

Man I am truly blessed.Thanks God for these guys and all the other graces and protection, especially on that flippin Queensway.....

Night world. It's been a quiet but good one for me, hope it was for you too.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Even the Bad Times Are Good

Hey I'm getting comments on the blog! Somebody besides my buds read it YIPPEE! But if Dreamboss (M) ever knew he'd freak royally, so it's a secret OK? Among us? I'm so glad and honoured.

Found out from one of you that Advil can hurt your liver. MAN thanks for telling me that! Had no idea and will watch it. Wonder if rum is ok? Ha ha ha just kidding ;). These sleeping pills can't be good either but I only have to take them for a month. This happens every year, then every year I forget about it. My bro's worse than I am--he goes to bed at 5:00. My latest night was 4:00 but that went on for 3 weeks before I started getting ...ummmmm....weird.

OK back to today. Got up at the grand hour of 6:45. On a weekend, that is like saying that hell officially froze over. Jer and I and pals were to go to a blues club tonight. Sort of down and dirty, upstairs, small (think 'smoky'), bricky dark little place where the big names in blues come in this town. Believe it or not, Ottawa does have a (good) name for blues.

So off I go to get jeans and something to go on top of it. Then groceries and even get my hair done (I looked like a brown and white zebra). Come home and FALL ASLEEP. So didn't go to the blues thing. I feel so bad for Jer. Here he is skiing all day, missing LC, looking forward to going out and Miss Spark Plug falls asleep on him. Sorry Jer, I will make up for this.

And ever since I woke up have been sick. Nice. M has the flu, and who's living in the bathroom? ME! Well if it makes you better, M sweetie, fine. Just don't get STDs, OK? Don't want to have those for ya.

Damn those are nice jeans too.

One of the guys at work has eye probs, big time. As a joke (he has nooooooo sense of humor, well OK a little one) Pauly and I started calling him 'Popeye'. Mean right? Well I said that they could call me LardButt every time we call this guy Popeye. And in those jeans my butt looks not so bad.

IMO anyway.

Man I missed M today. Thought about him all day when I wasn't asleep, in the bathroom or shopping. At dinner (March 9, a day that will live forever), he kept looking me right in the eyes. I didn't dare look back because I KNEW he'd see how I feel. It's moved from the hormones thing (well, mostly) into something a lot deeper. He'd know in a second. Come to think of it why NOT let him know? Not letting him see just told him the same thing anyway. When he, Pauly and I brainstormed on Friday I was sitting right next to where he was standing. OK I looked at his butt. Poor man. And poor Pauly having a front seat to that! Sorry Pauly. I'll behave next time.

Yah right. No really I will.

This drives me nuts. I can't tell if he is just saying 'friends' or if he means it. He's so good at hiding things. OK the only thing I can do is to do what strikes me as right and that won't drive me nuts. Talk about a rock and a hard place. But there is NO WAY I could sleep with that guy and not want to always be with him. It's like, if we start something, it would be for keeps. And he's not uncomfortable enough to leave home now. It is beginning to look like he's questioning that though. I can tell from the things that he said at dinner and the things he does.

Saw an old pal at the hairdresser's today. She'd just come back from Barbados. I am so jealous could have strangled her but she's OK. Anyway, she noticed that my hair's a lot thicker now. I lost a lot of it when the previous boss was working with us (his name is the Clown Prince. All hands and leering, no brains at all. He had a second nickname, Bumble). Since the Clown Prince left and M came to work with us, our stress levels are WAY down. My blood tests are the best they've ever been, Pauly's too, and my hair grew back (it fell out when Bumble was our boss--lasted 2 years).

Man M just can never leave this place. You know, like Hotel California (that one was Pauly's idea)? Maybe if he stays long enough I'll get skinny again. I sure want to for his sake, and we have two cuuuute women joining us. One of them is a buddy and when we're together he looks at her with these puppy dog eyes.

Am I jealous? Nope. She's getting married this summer, is totally unaware of those looks (THAT part is funny), and M and I are so tied together mentally and emotionally that it's not anything to worry about. Separated at birth.

But I did buy healthy stuff for groceries. You know, the stuff you usually get and never eat? Well, this time I'll eat it (pears, oranges, berries). Honest. Have to get rid of this blubber. Summer's coming (allegedly). It's bad enough being old(er) and thin haired but add fat to that? So now I'm the same age, hair looking normal and now have to work on the fat. Re age, well he is older than I am. Even tho he has a thing for blondes, his wife isn't blonde.

My younger nephew called because we didn't have time to talk before. How cool is that for a 20 year old engineering student? Man I was blown away. And he's fun to talk to too. Kind of makes me wish I'd had kids but God knows how they would have turned out. Will have to be satisfied with The Bossiest Cat In the Universe (who at this moment is yowling. Even leaving the TV on to keep her company while I'm blogging is not good enough for her). Actually I was pregnant at one time but miscarried in my fourth month. Would have had twins. That was in the late 1970s. Would LOVE to have HIS kid but .....oh let's not go there. I'll just drive myself nuts.

So what's on for tomorrow? Cleaning up the house (vacuum it once a year whether it needs it or not), laundry, some cooking (I've been bringing in soup for M and me for lunch. He made the mistake of saying that he likes it), you know the usual weekend stuff. Might take in a movie, I need a change of pace.

Mom's OK so far. My sister is in Las Vegas this week. Actually the entire PLANET is somewhere warm this week except M, Pauly and I. I want to be where Pauly and M are. But hell I wish that was on a beach! And Jer too. All the ladies on this beach, however, would have to be fat. REALLY fat!

Am taking S to dinner for a few-days-late birthday celebration. That made M say that I like to heal people (well try to). He, as usual, is right. But this poor baby's been hurt so badly. Can't wait for him to start working with us. He has an electronic mail account now so I can send the jokes there (I run about 65 joke directories). Am sure he needs them. He looks a lot like Keannu Reeves, and my other (older) nephew looks like him too. And they're BOTH cool guys.

Night world. Am off to try to go to sleep yet again. Keep your fingers crossed for me, OK? Like maybe I could get stuck in an elevator with M? Nah with my luck I'd have to pee really badly.


Steppin Out

For some reason, that song's lyrics remind me of my cousin (girl). Oh well, whatchagonnado?

The week ended on a high note, with the Dreamboss bringing over a potential new employee who is smart, nice, well-mannered and has a relevant background. She'll be a good example to LB (La Bitch). If LB is capable of learning, which I doubt given her lack of listening and 'couth'. She'll more likely just get jealous and competitive (and then leave?). Pauly is now calling her "she who must be dispatched". What a GREAT NAME! Anyway, enough.

S is doing well and coming into work soon, I sincerely hope. We got him set up with personnel and his own e mail account. Yay I can send him jokes again. So soon we will have double the people working with us that we have now. I can't wait....the workload is killing all of us now. Good thing that the clients are dears. REALLY. They're the best.

M (dreamboss) has the flu again. I'm very concerned for his health. We can't afford for this guy to be ill. Hope he recuperates this weekend. I'm kind of suprised that I"m not sick yet. GLAD but suprised.

Had to rush to get the cat to the vet for checkups hier soir. As I was running into the house, the damn doorknob came off in my hand. Nice. Slammed the door shut, got the cat looked at, then had to find someone to replace the doorknob. Would you believe that the first two people I called said to leave it till Monday and then try (TRY) to schedule an appointment to replace it???


The third place I called did come right away. They were new to Canada, did the work really well, cleaned up thoroughly, and put in a much stronger and nicer looking replacement. God bless them! As for you other two, take note.

Got up at 6:45 today. Have been getting up earlier and earlier every day this week. Must be sensitive to light or something. Am getting hair done at 1:00, going out with Jer and pals later, so it's a good thing I'm getting an early start.

Jer, if you're reading this, please tread very lightly on LC...you're working your way up to too much info again...

Back's killing me. Off to find Advil.


Thursday, March 10, 2005

And You Might Enjoy Some Madness For A Change

Ah good ole Billy Joel. Madness describes the pace of work, nothing else. It was another almost-out-of-control-but-who-cares day at work.

Don't know if I described the nature of the work in this blog before--it's basically helping people from a third party point of view. Theraputic. It takes a lot of people and analytical skills: listening, analysing, writing, negotiating (that one's very key and rare) and presenting. Lateral thinking is almost a prerequesite. Both Pauly and M have been in this so long, and have such skills, that they're experts at all of those things and a great deal more.

The older I get, the more I appreciate people instead of tasks and deliverables. Even tho the workload we're juggling now would kill other people, because we work with each other and like each other so much (and hey there is a TON of professional respect--these guys have top standing in this field) you can't help but be glad to see them, chat with them, and best of all swap ideas with them or debate. That takes place, or did, on a daily basis when Marc was here. The three of us consulted all the time. It's the most intense growth experience I've ever had and definitely the most enjoyable.

At times, Pauly and I carry on like idiots (very young children) but the next minute we're working our asses off doing favors for people.

Read something somewhere recently to the effect that although people may not remember what you said or did, they will always remember the way that you make them feel. Think it's true. That is on top of my mind all the time. They sure make me feel wonderful: supported, liked and accepted, confident. I hope that I do that for them too.

I sent a copy of last night's blog to my dreamboss. He said that he really likes my soft side and to keep it up. OKKKKKKKk. It's good that he's there now so that the softness won't be used against me (has happened in the past. People who do that are well, not ones I want to be around). Thank God for M as I've said so often, and Pauly, Jer, Peggy, Ray and everyone else. Love you all deeply.

As for M, I recognize that I do love him. You folks who read this blog must be sick of reading that but stick with it--it's changing. Moved from passion (all emotional/mental --mind you, nothing physical in the least is going on or ever had) to deep knowledge and 'twinship' in many ways, to this new state. The respect--almost worship--has always been there but now instead of me wanting to be his slave, it's a partnership of two colleagues who, well, love and respect each other to an unusual extent. I would and do trust him with my life, and I know he feels the same.

When we were at dinner, I did look at those gorgeous eyes that before would have turned me into brunette puddles. Couldn't hold the gaze long but it didn't have that physical effect on me that it used to. Not that the feeling had gone away, it'd gone past that, sort of 'grown up'. And this was the first time that we'd gone somewhere and I didn't hope he'd kiss me on the lips. Again, not that the feeling isn't there, it's just that I want what he wants. I think that's peace at home and at work. And we are so close to something great at work that I (of all people) don't want to screw it up. Intellectually things are catching fire (in a good way).

There are a range of ways to be intimate, not all of them physical. We have everything but physical going on. It built a lot of unusual and strong bonds. Especially since we are so d*mn alike (separated at birth). Because the feeling's so deep and strong I really truly want whatever is best for him. And since my mind, heart and body cannot act separately, it isn't me! I couldn't get into anything like a fling just for the sex of it. Been there, done that (once) bought the T shirt and it didn't fit AT ALL. At the age of 53, I now know it's worth the wait. Like the difference between alcool and champagne congnac. Just no comparison. The rest is a waste of time and energy (yah guys before you ask, I've gotten together with men half my age. No thanks).

And the good things he's taught me, or given me space to grow into, are taking hold at home too. I'm actually thinking of doing my income tax on time this year (first time in 10 years), and I've dumped every relationship that had me, well for lack of better word, subserviant or being involved in something dangerous or not comfortable to me. The priority now is my health, I'm not ready for anything else. Once I'm happy with me, then we'll see.

Boy I cannot imagine my mom or dad talking like this at my age. Or acting like Pauly and I do some days. Funny how things shift from one generation to another, isn't it?

It isn't as if I don't support Pauly, Jer et al to the same extent, I want what's best for them at all times too and would go very far to get it for them. Whatever it takes. There's just a strong fire associated with M. It's almost like breathing.

Probably am not explaining this very well. They are such basic feelings, like breathing, moving, thinking that it's quite difficult to put into words.Well, world, goodnight. I wish you love of all kinds, sun, birdsong, peaceful days, warm sleepy nights, and the love of faithful pets and children.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Through the Fire

Like the Chaka Khan song? "through the fire, to the limit to the wall, for a chance to be with you, I"d gladly risk it all even through the fire, right down to the wire"

Have been surrounded by so much love it is incredible. My pals at work (well they are pals, never mind the work part) took me to lunch on my birthday this week. I've never laughed so much in my life! They all get along so well, and are so great as people. It was fantastic. Never wanted it to end! And this is on top of the normal day with Pauly, M, the audit guys (who are OK too) and Jer. Without those folks I swear I'd be off in orbit somewhere. They're my anchors, my soul bros. I need to talk to them every day. They're that dear to me.

In case you're rolling your eyes now, let me tell ya I ain't kidding. I worked on developing a tough image for years, but it's to hide and protect this marshmellow side. Anyhow, onto more marshmellowing...

Also had meetings after and they went well too. The family took me out to dinner, and that was a great time. My bro acted like the imp we BOTH are, his wife got into it too, and poor Mom just tried to be normal. C even got the staff into the act. I'll get even later.....The man is 52, and when he smiles he looks like the 5 year old kid he once was. Ah such is the charm of this family! His wife just fits in.

When I got home, had messages from S, my sister and my nephew. S I was scared to death about, but he sounds fine although his heart must be broken in many little pieces. Gave him my doctor and shrink's names to orient himself. He's having trouble sleeping too. We talked for an hour and it was like we'd been doing it for years.My sis is ill but wanted to talk. My nephew is just like S, they even look alike. Both are cool folks and people just love them. It's a joy to talk to him. We talked for an hour also.

The other nephew called tonight. Shorter phone call but great also. This guy is doing remarkable stuff all over the place. Wow.

M took me to dinner tonight for my bd. At first I thought that it might beabout bad news, but I asked (he was astonished). No it was just a nice thing to do. We had the greatest, longest heart to heart. He also gave me a lovely huggable stuffed cat and the most thoughtful cards I'd seen in a long time. Heart melting.

Zel brought flowers, bless her heart. A pot of bright, beautiful mums. She's such a fountain of spirit and thought. It lifts your heart just to hear her talk.

Isn't this a blessing? Aren't these the greatest folks in the world? I sure think so and always have...the people for whom I do work are also the best. More different ones call every day and the funny thing is --they're all fabulous! All nice, all human....it's amazing. Person after person. It makes me shake my head about how much positive 'pink aura' force there is in this organization. You can almost touch how good it is. I'm so happy to be here with the wonderful group that I'm with.

It's humbling and heartwarming at the same time.I'm so lucky to know, work with and be related to these people. So very lucky. I want the very best for them always and everywhere.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Check Out the Crab In The Bucket

Hi world, don't you love that song? Wow.

It's snowing outside but inside it's spring as far as I'm concerned. Had to get the cat shaved, so naturally it is as warm as the Sahara in here to keep her healthy. This is now a clothes optional house.

Didn't get all I wanted to done hier, mostly because I got hijacked by my mother. We're being joined for dinner on Sunday by Jery. No biggie (except that Mom wants us as a couple), but to her it is and she HAD to get her hair done for the occasion (argh). Took from 2:00-5:00, can you believe that? Wasn't very happy about it let me tellll you. It'll pass, it's a little thing.

In the hours that she was getting her hair done, I did grocery shopping for both of us (and I wonder why I'm going broke). Since she's not eating enough and has lost 20 pounds that she didn't need to, I got her alll kinds of fattening but good stuff. Quiche, french onion soup (all this stuff is frozen, she just has to microwave it), about 7 other frozen meals with tons of calories, two huge boxes of home made cookies, orange juice (low pulp) with added calcium, and 5 big cans of soup including cream of asparagus and cream of mushroom. And unsalted cashews and cheddar cheese microwave popcorn. THAT should do it! She also gets Meals on Wheels. Don't remember the rest of it but it came to $88 so it was a large order. Good.

Also finally remembered to get my license plate sticker and put it on the car. I always leave that till the last moment. The mall where the machine is to get the sticker has The Most Dangerous Parking Lot In the World. It's full of seniors, who I swear shut their eyes tight, and floor the gas pedal. It is a scary place and I hate going there, even though it's a great mall. I love old folks, it's not that, it's the freakin' way they 'drive'. You can't predict what nutty things they're going to do behind the wheel next. Let 'em, I say, just no where near ME! Or people I care about.

I did let all this frustration drive me to gorging on pistachios. Man those things are deadly. I'm still in pain. Serves me right.

Have to break down and vacuum the place. I hate hate hate that task and put it off for months but now the cat hair is bothering even me (to look at. GROSS). Sigh. Anyone want a job?Oh yah lots of cooking, laundry, etc. Whoever thinks that singles have it good should live here for a week. Oh enough whining.

I do have the best pals in the entire world. Family great too.

OK off to do housework.


Friday, March 04, 2005

Working for the Weekend

Hi world! Hope today was good to you?

I don't even remember most of it. That's how busy it is. Do remember several things:

1-talking to my wonderful, absolute rock solid pal Jer this a.m. (he called before I left for work to yak and make sure I got up)
2-talking to my also awesome rock solid and very gifted brainiac pal Pauly when I got into work
3-going to a b d lunch with my years long pal D (talking about our Cuba trip from 2003)
4-having zany e mails from Z (a new pal who is just as excellent, spirited, artsy and wonderful as they come)

oh yah I did some work too.

Someone asked me to handle an issue for them. I did, and went to tell them just before 4:00 what the status was. Not only were THEY gone, so was everyone else! I was totally alone. OK bailed too. That was funny.

Did get to talk to some work buds I hadn't heard from in 10 years. That was cool, since we 're both dealing with the same issues.

Also heard from other good folk mostly about work but with me it's always personal too.

Mom back from her testing at the Civic. She's doing OK. Jer's coming to dinner with us on Sunday (bless your heart Jer and thank you from the bottom of my heart). Mom is in love with Jer. So is my cat for that matter. Me too in a different way (do I EVER do things the normal way? No. I could kick myself but that's another matter).

Hey got a compliment from M about my French! I'm too shy to speak it around him. THat's his first language and for some reason if I can't speak perfectly around him I don't want to do it at all. Isn't that stupid? Am trying to get away from that mindset but no luck so far. Still sick poor man but sounded better by end of day.

And his brain is so fertile. I'm an idiot next to him. Well, we can't all be Ms. Thank God for that. There are only so many gorgeous, well mannered, smart, funny, sexy men that this world can hold.

I have tried over many days and months to convince myself that all I feel for that man is friendship. It's official, here and now, I love him. Have since I got to know him and I may as well face it I always will. It takes a whole lot to get through the many walls I've built but once that happens it's forever. There are a fair number of people who say that, but my love life history backs this one up. Lots of dates, 3 loves. One ended with his passing out of this life, another is still there (we are pals now), third is M. I can't believe that the guy I used to believe was a jerk is someone I'd do anything for but that's the way it is. Hard as I've tried to change it and convince you guys and me that it's otherwise.

I love his face, love his voice, hair, smile, eyes, mind, thoughts. Could talk to him about anything, have told him things I've never told anyone in my life. I wouldn't care if his job was emptying the trash or working at Burger King. Wouldn't care what he looks like, what he does, as long as he is him.

Oh man this must read like pure saccharine. I'll stop for your sakes.

But I love that man to death. To the ends of the earth, to the bottom of my heart and depths of my soul. Even with Miss Universe.

I love you, M. You're in my blood.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Can't Fight The Feeling

Wow what a great day. It just gets better and better. I'm going to have to change the title of this blog! Today it was really windy, wind chill at minus 50, but sunny sunny sunny.

Took the aft off to (a) go to the dentist after cancelling many more times than once and (b) to take The Most Spoiled Cat in the Universe to get her hair done (shaved, it's called a lion cut).

No I didn't feel guilty.

Well not much.

Did get a surprising amount of work done anyway. Got to talk to Pauly (yay!!!) and M came in although his cold/flu just gets worse and worse. MY throat hurt listening to him talk. Really. I hope that he went home early too.

Got caught up in my correspondence (I mean it's all done), have not blown up the microwave or phone yet, the cat's happy, getting last week's laundry done and had, believe it or not, a great time at the dentist's. It's full of the most spiritual, nice women you've ever met. And yes, guys, they're all good looking but none of them go for shallow so forget it. But the visits are wonderful. We get into the greatest conversations. One of them has a mom who's pals with mine. It's funny when they get together. No probs teethwise, actually the best news (like the cholesterol news) that I've had in years.

All of this is M"s doing (influence), of course. That man, Pauly, Jer and Zel--they are such blessings. Doris too of course. I'm a wealthy lady (in debt up the ying-yang but wealthy). Jer's having a very pronounced growing period too. It just feels like a blessed time, not to get religious on you all.

Confessed to M about noticing his eyes smiling. He did it again. When he does that, it's like the sun coming out. Warm and great. Whatever it means, if anything, doesn't matter. It's all good.

While Miss Smoke was getting shaved, I spent time in the bird and fish part of SuperPets. HOLY cow, that's relaxing. I think the next thing I'll do to bankrupt myself is get a big tank.

Well maybe.

I'm still pretty lazy.

The birds are going nuts outside. Something must be bothering them. OK world time to go rescue some boidies.

May your days be as great as this one was for me....

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Dreamboat Annie

Those of you who know me please don't take that title the wrong way! The song reflects how I feel today. Amazingly calm despite a hectic and in some ways stormy day.

It's amazing how a potentially very humiliating and disturbing experience can rebound in your favor.

I made a presentation to all the big shots where I work including the biggest shot. I was very nervous about it, and I'm usually relaxed. It went very well, with the Big Guy liking what I said.Then he had to leave early, and the second he did, another less big cheese jumped down my throat. Looked me right in the eye with a furious look on his face, said he couldn't believe that we'd dared go as far as we did in my study, did I seriously believe that XX would use the info, and that it was totally unuseable by him (and he needed it to be).

I answered really calmly, although my face was red. Said that XX already had the report and had for a month, and some other facts that I can't remember now. My boss M jumped in and backed me up, then HIS boss did the same. Everyone else around the table was shocked and/or sympathetic--it was great to notice it. The PIA (pain in ---) kept attacking, we (I) kept answering calmly, factually. He looked like an idiot.

And the best part, afterwards the #2 person in the room apologized on behalf of the Big Guy for PIA's behaviour. That is a HUGE thing in my organization. So now PIA is in trouble with the Big Guy. I'm thrilled.

Actually he was setting the stage for trying to hide work that we need to get done, by casting doubt or trying to on me. Luckily my standing's pretty strong, and the way he behaved made him look like an idiot. So basically I won all around, although it wasn't comfy for a while.

Then I had a meeting with someone who wants my/our advice on something. This is a great type of person to deal with--eager to learn, bright and analytical. And HE WANTS TO MAKE THINGS BETTER. That always makes someone OK in my book. Not that I was in the mood for the meeting, but I sure got into it fast. Sent him alllll kinds of goodies information wise at 6:00 tonight.

Then got another work call...Don't remember when I left but it sure was close to 7:00 if not later.

It was great of M to come in for that meeting today. He is sick, poor baby. It's flu (fever, sore throat, etc.). I told him before the meeting that I like his style (OK OK in a work way, I made that clear!). Also ---another great part---after the meeting, I was about to leave his office and said that I was wrong about him a long time ago (originally I was told he was a jerk and I bought into it for years until we started working together, and discovered how great he is). I had taken that nice statement back during an argument we had, and wanted him to know that I was angry at that time, and yes I was wrong in the first place.

He got this 'shiny eyes' look on his face. I know it now, I'm not sure what emotion's behind it. He just looks delighted, gets this incredible grin on his face that encompasses his eyes too (his eyes shine and grin. It's weird but great) when he knows that he's got me. I love that look. Wish I knew what it meant but hell I'll take it whatever it is. Just writing these words makes me warm about it. Probably have no reason at all to do that but hey that's how I'm built, to quote him.

Asked Jer to cut down on the discussions we have about LC. I hope they get together, I just don't need an hourly update (and I have nothing to offer right now anyway). He thinks he bugs me. He doesn't (well not exactly it's the TMI that does it) . He wrote me a song! It's lovely.

Now those of you thinking that something romantic is brewing there go wash your brains out with soap. Not happening. We're together in life, as buds. After 33 years you do get into a pattern. But BOY are we buds.

Didn't get to see Pauly, he was at home again today. Missed him but then the day was so hectic I didn't have much chance to yack. And he called to wish me good luck in the morning. THAT is a true pal. And how is THIS for spoiled: Jer called to wake me up ce matin.

OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH man I have the best friends in the entire planet and universe. IN case I never mentioned it to you guys: Peggy, Zel, Marc, Jery, Pauly, Ray DiBlasi and Mikey--I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Went to lunch at a Vietnamese place with another pal who needed to vent. Has it ever occurred to any of you what spring rolls feel like? And if you get what I mean, isn't it hard to get yourself to bite one? (I bet all the guys are squirming now). WEll I can't help it if they design spring rolls to odd dimensions! And the texture too....ohhhh never mind!

I swear, February-March is NO time to be in this town. Everyone seems to be suffering the most right about now. Am having lunch on Friday with another pal who is having the same issue.

BTW what are the odds of a microwave AND phone (new one) dying on the same morning? The morning of a big presentation. Yah, I thought so too. Replaced both on the way home but was not thrilled about it. Those new micros are heavy suckers. I got tired waiting for someone to bring it to the car so I did it. Got it home and found out that in order to open the micro's door I needed to put a platform under it, because the micro fits into a built-in cabinet in my 1986 vintage townhouse. S0000 had to head right back to Home Depot. Isn't that STUPID? Well, I thought so but hey it was fast, cheap ($17) and it works. And doesn't look at all bad.

Now I need to trap a victim into taking the old micro into the basement, where mounds of junk are accumulating and who knows, multiplying in anticipation of the arrival of the junk man.

OK I"m getting silly, time to sleep. Amazing how nice people were to me after PIA's nonsense (he had not read the report). Thanks man!
Thanks for the song and wake up call, Jer!
Thanks for the phone call, Pauly!!
Thanks for the coffee and 2 hour conversation, Zel!Thanks for being you, M.
Love you all more than I'll ever be able to express.

Most gratefully yours, Bridg

Tuesday, March 01, 2005


Hi all.

It snowed like mad today. Should have been discouraging but wasn't. It took about an hour to get into work (usually 20 minutes) but with music in the car it wasn't bad at all. Big fat soft sparkly flakes. Kept up all day. The kind of day you'd like to watch from inside.

M was sick, poor man. Pauly was at home working. Jer bounced from up to down to up again. I wish I could ease this for him but that isn't how feelings work. So I was mostly on my own. Don't really like that but hey that's how it goes some days.

Had to deal with a colleague at work for the first time today from the other side of the house. MAN it was frustrating. Was working on several (4) things at the same time, have a big presentation to big shots tomorrow (and had not written it), and this guy tied me up in knots for20-30 minutes on a very simple thing that should have taken 5. Finally gave up, he went away to try writing it, only I found out later he tried to dump the job on someone else. She wouldn't take it. I gave it another shot, then talked to his manager. Turns out I"m not the only one who's had this experience with this person. Out of 3 people I spoke with, ALL of them went through the same thing. You know, when you talk and talk your head off, and he goes right back to whatever he thought in the first place? Language might be part of it. Frustrating. It finally got settled at 4:00 and was due at noon. I'd done my part of the task at 10:00. Then I found out he'd changed and messed up my part so I had to act fast. Have learned from this---stay away from that guy. Or bring Valium/Rolaids to work.

I still have heartburn from that. Literally.

Did finally get the presentation done. I've done it before but this is a more celebrated audience. Got other work done too but nothing finished. argh.I spoke with a friend who lost her husband a year ago. She sounded in her e mails like she was having a hard day so I thought I'd cheer her up. Teriffic lady.

Called Marc too. He is such fun to talk to. Used to work with us and I miss him. He's so calm, witty and dry. He, Pauly and I were a great combination.

The lady commissionnaire in the front lobby of our building (the one you can just barely see over the counter, she's so tiny) said this a.m. that her nickname for me is Sunshine. Isn't that a wonderful thing to hear right away on a snowy day? I sure thought so.

Next ran into a pal, Z, who was in line to buy coffee. She gave me a hug and wanted to get one for me but I took a rain check (M and I usually buy each other morning coffee and I was late). Could you ASK for a better way to start the day? I don't think so. Even given that M was sick today (I miss him when he's away, a lot!).

Going home tonight (with heavy heart, worried about presentation), Jer said he'd drive me to my car and brush the snow off. I argued that it wasn't needed, my office is so close to my car. He insisted, sweetie that he is. While waiting for him to pick me up, started talking with someone I see in the halls a lot who was waiting for the bus. Turns out he lives near me, so I gave him a lift home (buses were quite late today due to the snow). So we ALL brushed off my car. It sounds saccharine to say this but man people are great. Especially my buds.

I worry about Jer. He is going home to a house, not a home. That is a horrid feeling, reminds me of my marriage. Being single is so much better, I kid you not. There are MUCH worse things than being on your own. Being with the wrong someone is the worst kind of lonely I know. When I was younger, I thought that being single and alone was the ultimate in bad/to-be-avoided things. Then I got married and found out how wrong that was. Marriage is OK, just that one wasn't. Looked like it was to all and sundry but it was far from it. Things are not always how they look from the outside. Remember the poem Richard Cory? Like that.

Jer said that house-home thing tonight and it broke my heart. Said that we are working on fixing that. I'm very worried that he's talking himself into LC, going too fast for her. No matter what I'll be here. Can't protect people from everything but sure would like to try! Know what I mean? Mothers must know this feeling (I'm mom to one spoiled cat).

Fell asleep right after dinner and just woke up a few minutes ago. Hope I can sleep. Took something for it and I don't think it's working. Thinking about the day now doesn't help, I guess.

Hope M is better but if he isn't I'll handle it. Somehow (she groans).

Night world..hope your day was good.