Ravings and Rantings

Welcome to my cloud! It's got a nice silver lining somewhere.....Some ranting, some raving--mostly positive stuff,lots of jokes (I can't stay serious). Nothing going on here that a pina colada or mohito can't fix.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Separate Lives

Hi again world! It was a run through a tornado, but today's done! I have spent so much time recently doing work to help my boss that I haven't been able to get mine done.

Was supposed to take Mom into the hospital to cardiac rehab which she very badly needs. She had to be there at the ungodly hour of 7:30, which meant getting up at 6:00. She never made it. Fell, could not get back up, and the alarm service called me to go get her. I was scared to death that she'd had a heart attack but she hadn't. So I drove over to her place, picked her up, put her back into bed, calmed her down (last thing she needed was a second heart attack), got her clean clothes and then cancelled her appointment and went to work (which is the last place I wanted to be since by then I was DRAINED).Got to work at 9:00 instead of 7:30 as planned. Oh well.

Did get a lot of work done on my neglected project. Went to lunch with Z, a totally wonderful colleague who is just so young, energetic and delightful. Poured my heart out, we both did, over lunch although I had not meant to. It was wonderful. We were out for 2 hours. Felt more ready to get back into it after.

By this point I still had not seen M (GB). Did see wonderful pal P of course. In talking with him I realized that I was being blamed by M for a lot of little things that were not my fault, e.g. he decided from where I'd left my car in the parking lot that I'd had some kind of falling out with the new parking lot guy. Untrue, I'd just come in early and gotten a decent parking spot! He tried to find fault like that with me over many little things. I've forgotten the details, but P pointed out the trend. He's right. I decided to keep it ONLY professional and to stay the heck away from the man (M), since any non-work related info was being turned against me. Even took him off the joke lists. Only folks I trust to the bone are on those things. So I wonder if we're even going to wind up as friends after this stuff? Man it goes from bad to worse. The group's situation is improving with ups and downs (with the exception of La Bitch), but certainly not our relationship from any point of view.

So I didn't see him until after 3. He had been talking with L (La Bitch) and turned red when someone else came into the room. Funny huh? Oh well not my bees-wax.

Anyway, I finished my work quite late in the day (6:00) as well as his work too. I've been working on a workplan developing study proposals for our division to do. This sure is not my job but he (M) needed the help. What I didn't appreciate was his saying that my other project was late. NO KIDDING MAN I've been doing YOUR work (and said so but more nicely than I've written here)! That ticked me off because it was so unfair.

So I finished both. Then tonight I couldn't quit thinking about the projects so I updated all of the documents involved (2-3) and sent them off to him a few minutes ago, which is damn nice of me if I do say so myself, since he has a meeting with his boss using those documents on Monday a.m. (and that guy is a PRICK). But I'm a pro and can't stand working any other way.

When we left tonight, he was complaining about being out of control, snowed under and stressed. Said that days like this make him think of retirement. That's the second time this week he said that--the other time was when he was angry with me. This time I said NOTHING. He said he'd think about it over the weekend. Sheesh he only had one week doing two jobs. I had a year, and it was in a much worse organization.

Well man, the profession needs you. I think that our group needs you in most ways. But you are a big boy and have to make up your mind youself. I can't bail you out all the time. And frankly I'm more than a little tired of this bragging/superior being thing that you do once in a while. As faults go it's a little thing but I really need to put distance between us now.

When folks are stressed, their barriers are down. What I've seen this week is the real him. And I don't like it as much as I liked the 'not really him' guy. He's mean and judgemental.

Last night he was scornfully describing a former boss who brought in skinny (old) pics of himself to show to M and his colleagues in an old job. I happen to have one on my wall of me but it's to keep me from eating junk food at lunch (a weakness) and to remind me (a) of my home, which is very peaceful and (b) of a dear departed cat, who'd bitten the hell out of the pic. Today I put up a sign saying "this photo is here because" and listing those reasons. The last reason on the list was 'friends don't give a @#$% what you look like. That is the focus of the shallow". I showed it to him and was defensive about the photo. He said that he hadn't meant anything by what he said. I suppose it could be true but combined with the other shit that happend this week....there sure seems to be a lot more of it lately. And there's certainly a lot more of that "that isn't what I meant" stuff being said too.

Jer called last night, the same day that Pauly and I had lunch. It was wonderful, I love those guys. Jer called again tonight and is visiting demain.

Thank You God!I feel so much safer, calmer, than before I pulled away from that guy emotionally. This is good.

It's been a long week. I worked 3 nights and came in early on two days. That plus my mom and the parking lot idiot (who called M today--Friday) have been tough on me. But I got the work done anyway.

Thank heaven for weekends.

Thank God for friends.

I wonder where things will wind up?

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